Feb. 23, 2026

Stop Pausing Your Life While You Wait For Marriage

Stop Pausing Your Life While You Wait For Marriage

Send a text We unpack how single leaders can stop pausing life for marriage, ditch social media comparison, and embrace vulnerability and contentment now. We share money truths, healing tools, and stories that free us from performing a smaller self. • calling out highlight reels and faux honesty online • defining motives: celebration vs proving • replacing comparison with contentment practices • living now instead of waiting for a partner • money myths about two incomes and lifestyle • doing...

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Send a text

We unpack how single leaders can stop pausing life for marriage, ditch social media comparison, and embrace vulnerability and contentment now. We share money truths, healing tools, and stories that free us from performing a smaller self.

• calling out highlight reels and faux honesty online
• defining motives: celebration vs proving
• replacing comparison with contentment practices
• living now instead of waiting for a partner
• money myths about two incomes and lifestyle
• doing growth for self, not for eligibility
• avoiding spiteful independence energy
• attracting reality, not counterfeits
• vulnerability reps in friendships and community
• naming tools for triggers and ongoing healing
• embracing complexity instead of palatability
• leader power dynamics vs intimacy at home

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00:04 - Welcome & Community Call-In

01:12 - Why Freedom Matters For Middle Adults

03:36 - Setting Up The Single Leaders Theme

07:30 - The Marriage-As-Finish-Line Mindset

08:45 - Three Core Pitfalls To Unlearn

08:59 - Social Media, Branding & Comparison

22:40 - Metrics, Motives & Contentment Checks

31:16 - Living Now vs Waiting For Marriage

39:58 - Money, Lifestyle & “Two Incomes” Myths

47:24 - Joy Without Spite: Authentic Becoming

53:21 - Counterfeits And Attracting Your Reality

58:24 - Preparation Or Fear Of Vulnerability

01:07:11 - Practicing Vulnerability In Friendships

WEBVTT

00:00:04.480 --> 00:00:07.200
Yo, yo, yo, what's up, everybody?

00:00:07.280 --> 00:00:10.320
And welcome once again to the Unlearned Podcast.

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I am your host, Ruth Abigail, a K A R A.

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What up, friends?

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It's your girl Jaquita.

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And this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more hurritom.

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Freedom.

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Yes.

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It's time to get in on this freedom, y'all.

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We love freedom.

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You know, listen, I feel like we should do this at the beginning.

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Sometimes we wait till the end, but you know, by then people may have clicked off.

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So here we are today asking you to please like, share, and subscribe.

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Absolutely.

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Podcast.

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Absolutely.

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Listen, we've been out here.

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If only y'all knew how much we have been putting in to make sure we get you guys these good, good episodes.

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Okay.

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We don't want anyone to miss out on this.

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We're talking about some good stuff here, guys.

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Make sure you like, make sure you tell a friend, and make sure you don't just like it, join us.

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There you go.

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Okay.

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There it is.

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Okay, let us know it's real.

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All right.

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Let us know, guys.

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We definitely love we we love doing this.

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We really are very passionate about our middle adults and our middle adult community and about getting free.

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Because you know, us middle adults, we're finishing off, you know, kind of the third of the the the first third of our lives.

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You know what I mean?

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And so I I think it's him.

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You're about to get grim.

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It's about to get grim.

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I'm not getting grim.

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I'm just saying grim.

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No, no, no.

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I'm not trying to get grim.

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I'm just saying, like, it's time to be free from stuff.

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And the next the next the next you know, two-thirds of our life should be within freedom.

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You know what I'm saying?

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Like there's things that we just should not have to be dealing with, and we don't need to continue to accept in life anymore.

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And that's what we want to try to help un and help us do and help us to um unpack.

00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:15.039
That's like the middle adult world word.

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Uh-oh, Jaquita's on mute, guys.

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Jaquita has to unmute herself because we can't hear her.

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Have you been on mute the whole time?

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No, just now.

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What do you think?

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But no, but uh unpack is the middle adult, like that's jargon right there.

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That's middle adult jargon right there.

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We love, we love to unpack something.

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We love the unpacking.

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We love the unpacking.

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Listen, speaking of unpacking, I really was thinking of uh baby mamas, but we're not talking about baby mamas.

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We're talking about single, single leaders again.

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I was just about to saying the song.

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B that's okay.

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Hilarious.

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Absolutely.

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This goes out to I'm sorry, it's in there, it's in there.

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We're in there.

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I haven't thought about that song in a decade.

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Okay, go ahead.

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Watching younger people do the When I See You song, like and get so caught up, like like that's their their song.

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That's their song.

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Like, how many don't even know this?

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Tick too.

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Um, yeah, go ahead.

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But, anyways, we're still talking to single leaders, um, or talking about single leaders, you know.

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I resonate with what we're about to talk to so much because I feel like for so long in my single journey, you know, I did not realize how hyper-focused I was on this idea of marriage, not only as a concept, but as like this this necessary thing that I needed to complete me, to really begin my life.

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I was waiting on this thing so that I could begin living.

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Wow.

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Um, and and doing everything in my life to make sure that I could get to that point.

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Um, and so today we want to hone in specifically on the kind of some of the decisions that we make as single leaders um and how we transition from really being kind of that in that mindset where everything is kind of circling around this idea of finding a mate to really just allowing our singleness to be a gift.

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Which, if you're at a point in your life where that phrase gets on your nerves, you know, if you because you know, listen, we we middle adult is not a monolith, okay?

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We're not monolithic just because we're single and middle adults, okay?

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Everybody does not sit there and be like, man, I just love being single.

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Or I've really found a contentment with it.

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You know, I don't know where everyone is in their journey, you know, but I do know that I've been on both sides of the coin, yeah, and I'm I'm here to tell my truth on today.

00:05:14.240 --> 00:05:15.600
That's really good, Jaquita.

00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:31.360
And I I will say, I, you know, there's some there's some there were some things, there's some things that we're gonna talk about that I definitely uh have can relate to um and of how I was kind of in my mindset.

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I still I'm still down with the singles.

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Can I just get you know what?

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All right, y'all.

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Like she be doing this on every episode.

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If you look here, if you are tired of Jaquita throwing me under the bus every time I try to relate, just put in the comments.

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Let please chill, Quita.

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Just put in the comments, chill, Quita.

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Chill.

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Nah, nah.

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And if you believe Ruth Abigail is doing the most, trying to act like she's still in the trenches.

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I'm not acting like it.

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I'm just saying I can understand.

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That's like, hey guys, I know what it's like to be poor.

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Not having enough, okay?

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Just yesterday, I had to go to my second savings, okay, to pay for a trip.

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I'm so sick of you.

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I'm so sick of you.

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I'm so sick of you.

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I really can't stand you.

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I can relate.

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Whatever.

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The point is, I I did relate, okay, uh, to some of these.

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And in particular, I can't say, and I think um, I can't say that I necessarily was on the side of waiting to do things until I got married.

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I think, you know, my mom was uh she married later in life, and she was kind of my example.

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And so she I was very grateful to never felt never have felt pressured um to kind of start that journey at any particular point in time.

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And my mom had really uh had accomplished a lot of things before she got married, and so I cut that was kind of my blueprint, and and I just kind of went after certain things, but there are some things um around fear, uh vulnerability and um that I think I was uh leaning into more and even to your point, Quita, doing those things primarily so that I felt like I could be prepared for somebody else.

00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:43.040
Like I do think that that was a part of, I won't say the like a but I think that was a part of like if I don't figure this out, like I don't know how I'm gonna connect to somebody.

00:07:43.600 --> 00:08:00.639
Um and so we're gonna just run through a few of these points that we kind of we've talked through that we think are some realities to being a uh leader um that is single and desires marriage, right?

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Desires a partner.

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Yeah.

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And these are things that we have to look out for, we have to unlearn and and and get free from because I think a lot of these things, there's not a it's not we're not gonna go over a whole lot.

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Uh we're gonna go over kind of three major major things, but these things are pretty critical, and I think they they stop um a lot of people from being free in this area, and in turn can stop that can stop your life, right?

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It can keep you stuck, and I you know, keeps us stuck.

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So um this first one I think is is is something that we we will definitely know and understand.

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And just something we have to be honest about uh when it comes to when it comes to social media, you know, I I'm not a big social media person.

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I I really would not have it if I didn't have to use it for work, have a podcast and have this podcast, right?

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And didn't and wasn't the executive director of an organization, I wouldn't we wouldn't even know what Ruth Abigail looks like.

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Honest to God, like I would know be nowhere near social media.

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I it is not something that interests me.

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I'm not interested in doing it.

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However, because I am on it, I noticed a lot of things.

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Um, one of the things that I I I noticed is, and I don't know, Queen, if you've if you have seen this um in people that you know, but there are people that I know that are that consistently put up what I would call highlight real moments of their life.

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And that's all they do, right?

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And I particularly notice it when I know that their life is not in a highlight moment.

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Like it's not something I think, it's something I fingertip touch because the way, let me tell you something.

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The phone calls most of us in our middle adults age range are getting in regards to social media, are you see the status such and such put up?

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Okay, like, or you see somebody change their last name, or I'm checking for the ring, the ring ain't there no more.

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Hey, look, let's be honest.

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Let me tell you something.

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It is a pattern, you know.

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I I keep changing my dissertation.

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I haven't changed my dissertation topic, but I'm like, I keep re-molding it and reshaping it.

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Um, and I'm I'm I am just so like there would be somebody needs to study the trends that have gone through social media as far as how we are like relaying like the more grievous areas of our lives.

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Because there is a way to track it, right?

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There's a formula, there's a system, right?

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And when people start posting too many memes, we're watching you.

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You got 20, 20 uh of them for work.

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We see you, okay?

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You're not as cryptic as you think.

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You're not, you're not at all cryptic.

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No, um, but I I do think that there is this idea where social media, when you think about all of the words kind of surrounding social media, like story and status, and you know, like highlights and messaging, like it's a brand, right?

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Man, absolutely telling and crafting the story that you want everyone to know.

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It's it's you positioning yourself to market yourself, whether you're marketing yourself as, oh, look, look how great of a friend I am.

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Like social media is a marketing, it's a place where we market ourselves.

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Correct.

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Right?

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It is a place where we deliver a story, an image, a brand, whether you're trying to brand yourself as the super successful, traveling, you know, uh super independent, carefree person, or whether you're like, you know, listen, I'm getting it in.

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I'm grinding every day.

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You know, look, achievement, achievement, achievement.

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Yeah, you know, or you know, are the, you know, I'm just so politically engaged.

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Like I care so much about everything happening in the world and have really solid opinions about everything.

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Or, you know, who I was for a while.

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I'm gonna give you this word of encouragement.

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There you go.

00:12:50.559 --> 00:12:50.799
Right.

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I got a little something for you.

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The Lord just dropped in my ear.

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Wanna wanna pass that on to you because you know, faith, faith, and more faith is what I got to give.

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The same, right?

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But it doesn't, you know, everybody has built this brand and this idea of who they are.

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And as a single person, you can really there's kind of two places you get stuck, right?

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It's it's, you know, I'm gonna change my Facebook picture because this is gonna be the one that grabs them.

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And when I change my Facebook picture, I'm gonna spend all day looking to see who liked it, right?

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And then I'm gonna surely someone will see this amazing picture of me and want to snatch me up and come right to my door.

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Listen, you know, she she put on the gold earrings today, and that really that's what did it for me.

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That did it.

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That's when I knew.

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Uh-huh.

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That's when I knew.

00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:59.759
But you know, we we either do that or we are sometimes we can use it to cover up this idea that like just because I'm single, I don't want you to think I'm deficient.

00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:00.399
Yes.

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Just because I'm single, I don't want you to think I'm lacking anything.

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I don't want you to think I'm not content.

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Like, I need to prove to the to the peoples that, you know, I still got it, I'm still out here, I'm still that girl.

00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:15.120
Right.

00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:19.039
And I think that we have to be, we just gotta be honest.

00:14:19.279 --> 00:14:24.799
And you know, I I think that, you know, we we were kind of talking about just kind of joking about the memes and stuff earlier.

00:14:24.960 --> 00:14:34.080
It's really interesting, like, like we meme culture, filter culture, like, you know, uh real culture.

00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:36.960
I mean, all of that, like you said, it's just flashes of stuff.

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The reels are flashes of stuff, the memes are flash of something.

00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:51.919
Um, what's also interesting about the meme culture and it or or these, you know, elaborate paragraphs of of you know, what people like word, what do you what'd you call them?

00:14:52.159 --> 00:14:53.519
Word, what would you say?

00:14:54.159 --> 00:14:56.240
Word, I think like word graphics or words.

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Word graphics, yeah, yeah.

00:14:57.840 --> 00:14:58.080
Yeah.

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Like is we use them to express we use other people's words and creation to express how we feel.

00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:10.240
Whoa.

00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:11.600
Yeah.

00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:15.279
As opposed to being honest, to your point.

00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:16.240
Right?

00:15:16.559 --> 00:15:19.200
I think there's I think there's something there, but go ahead.

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That like we it's our way of letting you in, but not too much.

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It's like you know what I'm saying?

00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:48.960
And I think that it is a mark of again, and a lot a lot of a lot of times, like it's like, you know, you see, you see a um, I don't know, it's it's a lot, a lot of times it can be very you can tell, okay, like you're seeing this over and over and over again.

00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:53.519
You can kind of like deduce certain things, but you're never 100% sure.

00:15:54.399 --> 00:16:08.159
And I think that that lack of honesty, that faux honesty, if you will, yeah, allows us to believe that we're being honest, right?

00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:12.399
I'm putting my I'm putting my truth out there with this meme.

00:16:12.879 --> 00:16:23.200
It's like really like and it's still a cover-up, it's still something that you want you want people to see, but you don't want them to see.

00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:28.799
And we and and that that is that we we really have fallen into that.

00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:32.960
And I and I think particularly as leaders, I love what you said.

00:16:33.120 --> 00:16:48.879
We don't want it is not you don't want to be seen as deficient because quite frankly, the rest of your life is not that like you feel like I'm I'm you know, it's hard when you feel like you're winning in one area and losing in another.

00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:54.639
You don't want to feel like a loser, you do not want to feel like I'm not winning here.

00:16:54.960 --> 00:17:01.120
So in order for me to win here, what do I need to do to look like I'm winning?

00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:18.240
And that that is something that I think it's a it's a platform that uh social media is a platform that a lot of people use so that it looks like they're winning because you want to win in every area of your life.

00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:31.759
Now I'm not suggesting, and I think neither neither are you, are I'm not we're not suggesting that it's wrong or that it's like you know, to to put great things out there, to put you know, accomplishments out there.

00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:32.720
None of that is bad.

00:17:32.799 --> 00:17:34.319
It's a great, it's fantastic.

00:17:34.480 --> 00:17:39.359
It's really looking at why are you doing it?

00:17:39.599 --> 00:17:44.400
Yeah, what are you trying to what is the what is your motive?

00:17:44.559 --> 00:17:47.359
What are what are you what are you hoping to prove?

00:17:47.599 --> 00:17:50.160
Are you hoping to prove something by putting this out there?

00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:54.000
Or is it genuinely a celebratory moment that you want to share?

00:17:54.240 --> 00:18:04.000
Those are those can be two different things, and I think it's important for us to evaluate what my why is there.

00:18:05.279 --> 00:18:26.960
Yeah, and I think one thing I feel like I've learned just in these single streets, if you will, is that it really is when you are walking with the Lord, it really he is much more concerned about the status of your heart, yeah, than which box you check on your tax forms.

00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:40.480
You know, like you know, like and it is I think when we get out of the mindset that marriage is a gift for right living, like it's a reward.

00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:43.200
It's like, okay, congratulations.

00:18:43.359 --> 00:19:01.119
Yeah, yeah, that's all the things, you know, you you met all the requirements for marriage, you know, because the I think the other piece of social media that gets us caught up is this this level of comparison where you start seeing it happen for other people.

00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:08.480
And it's almost like we got checklists, and we be like, now, Lord, now I day your child.

00:19:08.799 --> 00:19:10.240
Day your child too.

00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:13.440
Okay, but Lord, I thought I was in the honors college.

00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:16.000
Like I thought I was doing the things.

00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:21.680
Like I thought, you know, I gave you a little extra devotion, you know, last week, made sure I worship a little more.

00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:22.000
Sure.

00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:27.839
You know, made sure, you know, I go to church every Sunday, read my Bible every night, you know.

00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:35.440
I I taught, I mentor people, I minister to people, I preach, I teach, you know, I'm doing all these things.

00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:39.920
You know, how are people getting ahead of me in this thing?

00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:58.960
And we start taking the life that we were gifted with, and we start minimizing it to fit into this box of who we think we're supposed to be and where we think we're supposed to be, and you don't enjoy the moment because we're stuck looking at a screen.

00:19:59.119 --> 00:19:59.680
That's right.

00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:08.880
We're stuck, and and the screen is now informing you and telling you who you're supposed to be and where you're supposed to be in life.

00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:09.599
That's right.

00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:18.799
You know, you start seeing people you went to high school with and people you went to college with, and you're like, okay, Lord, look like everybody moving on up.

00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:19.279
Yeah.

00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:25.200
You know, look like everybody's everybody's transitioning to their next level of life.

00:20:25.359 --> 00:20:27.920
And I think that we have to be honest with ourselves.

00:20:28.160 --> 00:20:33.359
If you are struggling with comparison now, you will also struggle with it later.

00:20:33.599 --> 00:20:40.720
Because when you get married, then you're gonna be like, oh, okay, well, so-and-so, they got this bigger house, yeah, and now they just got a new car.

00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:52.400
Oh, and now they have a child, and it's hard for, and I'm struggling to have a child, and you know, oh, well, they, you know, went on you know, two vacations this summer and we could only afford to go on one.

00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:52.799
Right.

00:20:52.960 --> 00:21:02.559
But the the habits and the mindsets and the heart posture that we have when we're single, those things transition with us into marriage.

00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:10.240
And it really is something that you have to be able to identify now because it's not going to get better when that person comes.

00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:10.799
No.

00:21:11.119 --> 00:21:14.480
I was just about to say, like, with children, like that's definitely something.

00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:20.880
I wouldn't say I'm like super comparative, you know, comparison, but it's definitely something that crosses my mind.

00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:28.559
It's like, yo, like I, you know, well, when is like when is that you can get it doesn't stop?

00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:30.799
Like the comparison doesn't stop.

00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:41.279
And you can ask yourself, you can still get in the trap of asking yourself the same types of questions, just the same question, different to different subject, right?

00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:41.599
Yeah.

00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:43.440
Um it's a mindset shift.

00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:46.960
And so um I think you're 100% right.

00:21:47.039 --> 00:21:59.759
We have to get we have to stop um we have to stop using social media as uh so much of an outlet that it is really stealing our joy.

00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:06.480
Um in a s in in not like like you said, really loving today.

00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:10.160
Like and and and that that can that can that can be a part of it.

00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:12.480
Um all right, what is the next one, Quito?

00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:16.240
Um okay, all right.

00:22:16.880 --> 00:22:19.279
Let's let's get into this one, okay.

00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:24.880
I want to talk to my single friends, okay, single ladies, all I'm a single ladies, I'm a single okay.

00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:31.680
Doing everything with the mindset of this is for my marriage.

00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:32.160
Yeah.

00:22:32.480 --> 00:22:38.720
Or with the mindset of this is gonna push me towards marriage, right?

00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:54.240
And I really think that we get to these points um where I I think one example for me is, you know, I took my healing class, and the whole time through the healing class, I was like, all right, we're getting healed.

00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:57.599
You know, this is that last thing, right?

00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:08.480
And when I when when I'm fully healed and the Lord looks at this healed heart, there you go, okay, and I'm all whole and stuff, come on, you know, he's gonna be like, oh, great.

00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:11.599
Yep, you know, now now I can send it to her.

00:23:11.759 --> 00:23:13.599
You know, now she's ready.

00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:25.359
Open that door up, angels, okay, and send that man, you know, but halfway through the journey, I realized this has absolutely nothing to do with anybody except for me.

00:23:25.519 --> 00:23:26.079
That's right.

00:23:26.319 --> 00:23:42.480
Like this is this is a moment that God has set aside for me because God loves me and because He wants me to be whole and content and satisfied and enjoying life.

00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:42.799
Yeah.

00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:46.960
Um, and I can honestly say I went years not enjoying my life.

00:23:47.839 --> 00:23:53.680
You know, I went years saying, hey, life will become enjoyable when the person comes.

00:23:53.839 --> 00:24:03.359
Man, that's right now, you know, just grind, work, you know, and and live for the day that's coming and not for the day that you're in.

00:24:03.839 --> 00:24:07.200
That's so, I think that's such an important God.

00:24:07.440 --> 00:24:10.880
Live for the like lit, don't live for the day that's coming.

00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:12.720
Live for the day you're in.

00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:17.119
And I think that's such an important thing for us to really like go after stuff.

00:24:17.359 --> 00:24:26.240
Like, don't, you know, don't get in your head about, well, if I if I if I achieve too much and I have too much, he won't want me.

00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:28.400
Get that out of your head, right?

00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:35.200
Or, you know, if uh if if I if I do so much by myself, what are we gonna do together?

00:24:35.759 --> 00:24:36.799
I know, right?

00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:40.319
Like you're gonna get together and be like, oh, I've already done the thing.

00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:43.519
You know, like you gotta get that out of your head.

00:24:43.759 --> 00:24:52.240
Yeah, and you really cannot suspend your becoming, you know, and we suspend a lot of things in our lives.

00:24:52.480 --> 00:25:03.039
Um, and and honestly, what you're looking for will only recognize the version of you that God wants to be with that person.

00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:03.599
That's right.

00:25:03.759 --> 00:25:06.640
And I think that that's something that I've really come to realize.

00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:09.839
You know, my friends, they have jokes right now, okay?

00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:12.079
They got a lot of jokes, okay.

00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:14.640
Apparently, I'm in my bougie era.

00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:15.839
She is guys.

00:25:16.480 --> 00:25:20.799
They remind me of this constantly because I used to be like$20.

00:25:21.200 --> 00:25:21.359
Yep.

00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:26.079
Ain't nobody paying$20 for that, you know, because I ain't have$20.

00:25:26.559 --> 00:25:27.039
There you go.

00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:27.839
You know?

00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:35.279
That's why I was saying that it's not because I didn't want to, or because I didn't think it would it was a good idea.

00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:42.079
It's because, hey, if all I got is$20, I can't use it on that.

00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:52.319
Um, but you know, uh blessed be the Lord God who delivers us and strengthens us and and and gifts us with resources.

00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:57.920
Um but you know, even in that, like I I've been just thinking through that.

00:25:58.079 --> 00:26:13.039
I'm like, I'm such a different person when it comes to like my mindset around money, you know, my mindset around, you know, keeping a house, you know, or my mindset around the importance of work, you know.

00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:15.680
No, I'm not going and sitting at that job all day.

00:26:15.839 --> 00:26:17.440
I got other stuff to do.

00:26:17.599 --> 00:26:18.880
I got a life to live.

00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:20.319
Yes, I'm gonna travel.

00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:21.599
Yes, I'm gonna get out.

00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:30.240
Yes, I'm I'm going to enjoy my life, and not because I'm doing it with the mindset that of, you know, he might be there.

00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:32.000
Yeah, might be around the corner.

00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:32.319
Yeah.

00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:37.839
You know, if I go to this conference, y'all, okay, it's a well-known fact.

00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:44.480
Uh, back in the day, before you know all the law changes and stuff, we used to have a men of color conference.

00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:44.880
Uh-huh.

00:26:45.039 --> 00:26:46.480
Okay, it was a big deal.

00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:50.799
And everybody knew I went to the men of color conference to find me a man of color.

00:26:51.599 --> 00:26:52.160
Every year.

00:26:52.400 --> 00:26:53.359
Every year.

00:26:55.920 --> 00:27:00.720
To the point that child, I was telling other people about it, and we was all there.

00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:03.440
Like everybody became dressed down.

00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:03.920
Okay.

00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:05.440
And we was all there.

00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:12.400
I had one of one of the ladies who worked at the convention center that we were having the conference at.

00:27:12.559 --> 00:27:14.480
I told her, I was like, listen, girl.

00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:16.079
I met her at another event.

00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:20.640
I was like, listen, the men of color conference, you need to go there because you're gonna find you a man of color.

00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:24.079
And when I got when I saw her there, she said, girl, thank you.

00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:25.279
I already got three numbers.

00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:30.559
I said, We don't gatekeep round here, hunty.

00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:32.559
Okay, go find you one.

00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:35.759
I used to go there, I had my high hello app Red D.

00:27:36.559 --> 00:27:36.799
Okay.

00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:37.599
Hilarious.

00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:38.480
Red D.

00:27:38.559 --> 00:27:39.440
You won't you want this?

00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:40.640
You need this information?

00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:41.920
Who need it?

00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:42.799
Who need it?

00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:44.640
Let's just, all right, there you go.

00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:46.640
All right, we don't have time to play these games.

00:27:46.799 --> 00:27:49.440
But I it it never worked, you know?

00:27:49.839 --> 00:27:50.640
Yeah, sure.

00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:51.279
Yep, yep.

00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:53.839
It never worked because then it becomes futile.

00:27:54.000 --> 00:28:01.279
It becomes futile to do these things when all you're thinking about, every move, you're thinking, this is it, the man's gonna be here.

00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:02.559
No, he's right around the corner.

00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:04.319
Oh no, if I go to this, I do this.

00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:05.759
Baby, live your life.

00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:06.720
Live it.

00:28:07.119 --> 00:28:08.240
Live your life.

00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:13.920
Yeah, stop trying to stop trying to create and fashion and and and and position.

00:28:14.079 --> 00:28:16.720
And it it ain't gonna happen that way.

00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:29.200
You know, you can be intentional about meeting people, but don't try to don't try to uh to mastermind a plan for marriage, just be intentional about meeting people.

00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:31.200
That's uh hey man.

00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:33.920
You've grown so much.

00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:35.200
I'm so proud of you.

00:28:35.440 --> 00:28:44.559
Um I would say uh that yes, and that's for earlier in the conversation.

00:28:44.799 --> 00:28:54.799
Um yes, and uh the other thing I would also I would also caution when you're doing these things, don't don't do it out of spite.

00:28:55.279 --> 00:29:02.079
I think so that we can we can go to the other side of like I don't need no man to do this, I'm gonna just go do this on my own, that kind of attitude.

00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:06.880
And it's like hey, don't don't do it out of spite because you're just trying to prove something.

00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:13.839
Like, I don't need you, I'm gonna go do this, I'm gonna go do me, I'm gonna go, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna do me, I'm gonna do my life, I'm gonna, you know, live.

00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:17.359
Because because it's giving bitter.

00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:25.519
Not it's giving bitter.

00:29:26.079 --> 00:29:35.279
I mean, it's like, you know, you're it's it that kind of energy is not the energy that you I think you want to practice living with.

00:29:35.599 --> 00:29:42.400
You don't want to practice living your life because you're trying to prove you don't need anyone to do it.

00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:48.559
Live your life because that's it's your life to live and do it with joy and contentment.

00:29:49.599 --> 00:29:54.720
Um and regardless of what happens as a result of it, right?

00:29:54.799 --> 00:29:56.079
Like just do that.

00:29:56.160 --> 00:30:01.200
And I think that's I think that's a healthier, healthier way to have a have mindset about that.

00:30:01.519 --> 00:30:18.960
The other the other thing I think is important um that understanding that anyone you you don't want somebody to find you, you don't want anyone to find you as less than your real self.

00:30:19.680 --> 00:30:40.799
Well, so if your real self is somebody who is a high achiever, somebody who is good with money, somebody who uh enjoys, you know, a certain level of life that's just authentic to who you are, you need to do that.

00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:59.680
Like and not have not again have it in your mind that I I need to I need to tamper it down in order to be attractive to somebody because you don't even want him to be or her to be attracted to what's not real.

00:30:59.920 --> 00:31:07.440
Yeah, you want them to be attracted, and and uh and the best partner is going to partner with who you really are, yeah.

00:31:07.599 --> 00:31:10.799
Not not the version of yourself you think can be caught.

00:31:10.960 --> 00:31:11.519
Yeah.

00:31:11.839 --> 00:31:16.079
And and I think that is something we we absolutely have to unlearn.

00:31:16.240 --> 00:31:22.799
And it keeps us stuck again in this mindset, and worse than stuck single, it'll connect you to somebody you don't need.

00:31:23.119 --> 00:31:34.880
Man, let's talk about the counterfeits, man, because you're gonna end up being with somebody who matches who matches your portrayal and not your reality.

00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:35.920
Right?

00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:42.240
You know, I you're trying to, you know, you're trying to pretend to be low maintenance, and now you done caught low maintenance.

00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:47.680
What you said, what you said and now and now you trying to make low maintenance work.

00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:50.000
But they're not gonna stay low maintenance.

00:31:50.079 --> 00:31:53.599
You your bougie is coming, it's coming.

00:31:53.839 --> 00:31:54.880
Let me tell you something.

00:31:55.119 --> 00:31:55.599
It's coming.

00:31:55.839 --> 00:31:56.880
Talk to my bougie.

00:31:57.200 --> 00:32:01.119
My bougie's okay, it slipped right on out.

00:32:01.200 --> 00:32:05.359
I said, my bougie was only restricted by my paycheck.

00:32:05.599 --> 00:32:14.480
Okay, it was only, it said, when we finally got to a place, it said, oh, stretch out.

00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:15.839
Okay, please.

00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:20.400
I've been I've been pushed in this corner for too long, right?

00:32:20.559 --> 00:32:27.680
But but seriously though, and and I I really want to talk because I feel like I was not the only person in that position.

00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:35.519
Um, you know, listen, all of us didn't go to college and get these STEM degrees.

00:32:35.759 --> 00:32:36.079
Okay.

00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:36.640
Nope.

00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:37.200
Not at all.

00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:42.000
Some of us went and got these uh these humanities.

00:32:42.079 --> 00:32:44.720
We went to these liberal arts colleges.

00:32:44.960 --> 00:32:47.839
You know, I majored in religion, okay?

00:32:48.240 --> 00:33:00.240
Listen, all right, I majored in religion, and I came out with a bachelor's in religion from a great school, a master of divinity from a great school.

00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:04.160
And then I went out to the real world and they said, What is that?

00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:11.279
What is that, and and why would you think that that was gonna do anything for you?

00:33:11.440 --> 00:33:14.720
Okay, and I had to, I had to do a slow crawl.

00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:26.160
I had to, because I was I was building up purpose, and purpose at the time was not building up, it was providing, but like providing at cost.

00:33:26.559 --> 00:33:29.519
You know, I was living an at-cost life.

00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:48.240
That's you know, it was an investment into my call, it was an investment into who I am as a person, it was an investment into um into what God had for my hands, and I and I sold my seed into the ground.

00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:57.359
And when the harvest time, when the Lord said, Okay, it is it is time, okay, you don't have to live like that anymore.

00:33:57.599 --> 00:33:59.359
Okay, I said, Thank you, Lord.

00:33:59.599 --> 00:34:01.200
And I I moved right on up.

00:34:01.279 --> 00:34:04.640
Where the Lord pulled me up to, I I went with them.

00:34:04.799 --> 00:34:10.800
Okay, and so I I just really want to encourage because everybody's journey is different.

00:34:11.039 --> 00:34:27.440
And when we we can get stuck a lot of times going back to that comparison thing, going back to the social media thing, there may be a lot of middle adults like me who also watched as people went on trips, as they went out and they were enjoying their lives.

00:34:27.519 --> 00:34:35.760
And as a single person, when you don't have the money to do everything that other singles are doing to make themselves feel better, that's real.

00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:36.639
You get what I'm saying?

00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:37.280
That's real, man.

00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:39.199
All you got to hope for is marriage.

00:34:39.280 --> 00:34:44.960
That's because you like, man, maybe when I get the double income, I can go live.

00:34:45.280 --> 00:34:52.639
Quit you need to pause right there because I think that's a very real, I think that's a very real mindset that that that is not.

00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:55.920
I don't, I don't, I don't know that I've ever heard it said like that before.

00:34:56.159 --> 00:34:57.920
And it's just it's very raw.

00:34:58.000 --> 00:34:59.119
Like that's so real.

00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:06.480
Like when you don't have the money to live the way that you said other people live as a single person, all you have to hope for is marriage sometimes.

00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:07.039
Listen.

00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:10.719
I I need a we need two incomes so I can go on a vacation.

00:35:11.519 --> 00:35:12.559
Ruth Abigail.

00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:17.119
I need two incomes so I can, you know, eat out at a fancy.

00:35:17.519 --> 00:35:19.199
I was about to say, yeah, we go out to a nice dinner.

00:35:21.119 --> 00:35:25.360
And, you know, run through the tulips like everybody else.

00:35:25.599 --> 00:35:32.079
Because when you're living paycheck to paycheck, you feel like there's really no other way.

00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:35.280
Like you don't feel like you have a lot of joy.

00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:37.760
And then you start revenge spending, right?

00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:41.519
You start shopping and saying, I'm gonna buy this stuff anyway.

00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:46.079
Is this gonna leave me in a financial crunch next next month?

00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:46.800
Probably.

00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:55.519
Yes, but I'm gonna spend it anyway because when I look on social media, everybody is out here flouncing around in name brand stuff.

00:35:55.599 --> 00:35:58.000
Where y'all get Prada and Gucci from?

00:35:58.239 --> 00:35:59.760
Okay, how y'all over?

00:36:00.079 --> 00:36:04.239
You know, I'm over here at North Storack, y'all at Neiman Marcus.

00:36:04.480 --> 00:36:06.000
You know where they're getting it from, Jaquita?

00:36:07.119 --> 00:36:07.920
Credit cards.

00:36:08.159 --> 00:36:09.440
Visa MasterCard.

00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:10.159
Yeah.

00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:11.039
Yeah.

00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:14.719
Right, but you don't even make enough to get approved for it, though.

00:36:18.159 --> 00:36:21.039
That$300 limit ain't finna give me nothing.

00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:23.519
No, I ain't never had no$300 limit.

00:36:26.559 --> 00:36:28.880
No, it was a little bit better than that.

00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:30.320
You know, I had a career.

00:36:30.960 --> 00:36:32.400
I had a career, you know.

00:36:34.639 --> 00:36:36.639
A credit card for$300.

00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:50.239
But regardless, like, you know, like seriously, like you're looking and you're watching everybody live, and you don't think you'll be able to enjoy the things that they're enjoying until you are married.

00:36:50.400 --> 00:37:02.639
Now, that's not the only reason why you're hoping and looking for marriage, but it is a thought that runs through your mind that, like, okay, I'm not gonna be able to do the things until I get a second income.

00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:19.840
And I specifically want to tell you that if you are a child of the Lord, and if you know God, if you know that God is a provider, and not only is God a provider, like God is not a check-to-check kind of guy, right?

00:37:20.239 --> 00:37:51.280
God can set you up in a position, He can give you um, He can give you a master plan, He can give you ideas, He can give you um, He can give you uh uh opportunities that are not uh regular or that are not you know previously written, that you would not expect, that can change your status, and you don't have to depend on marriage in order to become a person that can enjoy life.

00:37:51.519 --> 00:37:52.159
Absolutely.

00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:53.119
You know what I'm saying?

00:37:53.280 --> 00:38:00.639
No, take a moment, but it's only when you it's only when you remove that thought out of your mind that it's only this.

00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:07.039
This is the only way that I'm ever be financially stable, is when there's another income and we splitting bills and da da da.

00:38:07.920 --> 00:38:15.599
When you take that mindset away, it gives you an opportunity to hear God's course for your life.

00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:20.480
But when you are only stuck on it's gotta happen this way, yeah.

00:38:20.639 --> 00:38:31.599
This is what I need to happen so that I can, you know, X, Y, and Z, you are missing the opportunity for God to show you who He really is to you.

00:38:32.079 --> 00:38:36.000
And I think that's what I've started to lean into.

00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:48.480
Um, because I'm not I now I'm like, hey, listen, I have a set back, I have a set lifestyle, okay, I have set expectations because you know the Lord has blessed me and put me in a different position.

00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:51.519
And so, you know, now meet the real Jaquita.

00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:52.480
You know?

00:38:52.719 --> 00:38:53.039
Yeah.

00:38:53.280 --> 00:38:59.679
Listen, I I'm not, you know, I'm not out here in Gucci and Prada because I really don't even like it that much.

00:38:59.840 --> 00:39:00.079
Yeah.

00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:03.840
But you know, find me something that I do like and let's go, let's go.

00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:13.679
Well, and and I I think um two two things, and and then we'll we'll pivot to the next point, but I think it it's understandable.

00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:18.159
One, two incomes come one income, one person.

00:39:18.480 --> 00:39:21.119
I think sometimes we think two incomes, one person.

00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:24.719
And it's like, no, baby, it's two incomes, two people.

00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:26.719
And so that that mass.

00:39:28.559 --> 00:39:33.760
Well, yeah, but that I but that mass starts to feel a little funny.

00:39:34.000 --> 00:39:37.199
Like, hold on, um two incomes.

00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:40.719
I felt I thought we were supposed to be, it's like, no, I'm not doing much different.

00:39:40.960 --> 00:39:43.760
Like the stuff I was doing before, I'm pretty much still doing, right?

00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:58.400
Uh, and you know, you you you might feel like you can splurge a little bit here and there, but it ain't drastic because you got a whole other human and you don't know who that human is, and you don't know what they're coming with, and you don't know what expectations and the life that they're used to living.

00:39:58.480 --> 00:40:00.320
So there's this thing that you have to learn.

00:40:00.480 --> 00:40:37.119
And then the other thing um is that if you're not careful, not only are you gonna miss um uh what the way that God can uh position you right to be resourced his way, but if you have this mindset that is uh toxic in the sense of I I have to I'm gonna need another, I need a second income, I need a a man or a woman in order to have the life I want, you could be running into a burden that uh you didn't ask that you asked for and didn't realize what was coming.

00:40:37.519 --> 00:40:58.239
And so you are you're you're you're searching for this, and what what can happen is you could gain a burden instead of a blessing because you really were not uh looking for this individual for the right reason, and you could get exactly what you asked for and hate it, right?

00:40:58.639 --> 00:41:01.199
You could get exactly what you asked for and hate it, right?

00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:23.760
Because if what you're asking for is lifestyle, if that's what you want, understand that it comes with every all the other things, it comes with character, it comes with uh maturity, it's going to or lack thereof, it's going to come with all these other things.

00:41:24.639 --> 00:41:42.639
And if lifestyle is the only thing you looking to fix, if if you go into it, oh, I can live the life I want, that life is gonna seem a little real thin real quick, because if those other things aren't compatible and aren't right, the lifestyle is not gonna matter to you after about shoot a week.

00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:44.719
Like it won't you won't care.

00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:54.960
And so you've just gained a burden and not a blessing, because uh the way that the way that we're thinking about this thing um is just is warped.

00:41:55.039 --> 00:41:56.880
It's just not yeah, it's just not right.

00:41:57.119 --> 00:42:00.800
So um I think those are those are those are really important things to unlearn.

00:42:00.960 --> 00:42:22.559
Uh okay, so this last thing is, and I would say this thing is probably something that I I have uh spent the most time with my um uh figuring out myself is this idea of using preparation uh as a mask because of the fear of vulnerability.

00:42:23.199 --> 00:42:23.920
My lord.

00:42:24.159 --> 00:42:24.559
Right?

00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:30.960
Uh I'll only date seriously when I get certain things together, is the idea, right?

00:42:31.039 --> 00:42:34.079
We we we you know, we don't always say that, but that's how we move.

00:42:34.159 --> 00:42:38.480
For men, a lot of times that might be money, that might be the right career path.

00:42:38.719 --> 00:42:46.639
Uh, and you know, that's what I hear so much from from guys is like, you know, well, I just gotta make sure I got my money right.

00:42:46.800 --> 00:42:55.920
I gotta make sure that I I've I've hit certain marks in my life, mostly financially, um, and a level of stability before I bring on somebody else.

00:42:56.000 --> 00:42:57.440
Now, hear me, I think that's wise.

00:42:57.519 --> 00:42:58.800
Like, I don't think that's a bad thing.

00:42:59.280 --> 00:43:01.039
Sometimes we can overdo it though.

00:43:01.199 --> 00:43:09.280
Sometimes we can go so far, and what's what's really holding us back is fear, not preparation.

00:43:09.519 --> 00:43:21.199
You're actually prepared, but you're afraid because there is a level of vulnerability that you have not yet committed to to going in order to make a real intimate connection.

00:43:21.360 --> 00:43:47.840
And I would say for women, uh, I think em uh healing, you mentioned it earlier, Quita, like going through a healing process, which we all need to do, um, uh, you know, making sure that I'm um stable mentally, making sure that I uh I feel, you know, my esteem is right, make sure that I'm I'm good um as a just that I love myself, like all those things, those are good things to prepare.

00:43:48.000 --> 00:43:50.159
Those are not, those are great things to prepare.

00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:59.519
And you need to prepare those things and like but doing it because you need to do it for you and not necessarily focusing on it solely for.

00:44:00.400 --> 00:44:01.440
Preparing for a partner.

00:44:02.159 --> 00:44:17.920
And so I think again, we can we can overdo it and and be in preparation season so long mostly because we have not allowed ourselves to be vulnerable.

00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:20.159
And I think, or we're afraid of what that is.

00:44:20.320 --> 00:44:21.679
We're afraid of vulnerability.

00:44:22.239 --> 00:44:24.480
And we're afraid we won't be good at it.

00:44:24.639 --> 00:44:26.719
I will say for me, I I was afraid.

00:44:26.960 --> 00:44:36.559
There was I really there was a a time in my life that I was afraid I would never get married because I never I didn't think that anybody could love me the way I was.

00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:40.800
Because I was so locked up inside.

00:44:41.360 --> 00:44:43.039
I just didn't think anybody would deal with that.

00:44:43.199 --> 00:44:45.519
And I didn't know how to get I didn't know how to get unlocked.

00:44:46.079 --> 00:44:52.000
Um and you know, this idea of transparency and vulnerability was so unnerving to me.

00:44:52.079 --> 00:44:56.800
And I was like, I know that's gonna be necessary, I don't know that I can do it.

00:44:57.039 --> 00:45:00.639
And because I don't know that I can do it, I don't think anybody's gonna want me.

00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:05.920
That's that's what that's what played in my mind for a while, I would say.

00:45:06.159 --> 00:45:13.119
And so I I I just began to believe that unless I figure this out, I'm not gonna get married.

00:45:13.440 --> 00:45:17.440
Now for a while, I didn't really care that much because I was marriage wasn't on my mind.

00:45:17.519 --> 00:45:28.079
But then when marriage became something I halfway desired, I I won I knew that that was something I needed to I needed to work through.

00:45:28.320 --> 00:45:35.519
And what I had to make sure of was that I wasn't doing it just for the marriage, like uh for the opportunity to get married.

00:45:35.599 --> 00:45:38.559
I was doing it because it was gonna be healthy for me to do, period.

00:45:38.719 --> 00:45:47.280
It was gonna make me a better leader to be more vulnerable, it was gonna make me a better friend, a better daughter, um, a better uh everything, right?

00:45:47.440 --> 00:45:49.119
To be more vulnerable.

00:45:49.440 --> 00:45:52.480
Uh and I could relate to people in a different way.

00:45:52.639 --> 00:45:54.639
I could connect to people in a different way.

00:45:54.880 --> 00:45:57.840
And uh and it had it wasn't just about being married.

00:45:58.000 --> 00:46:12.239
And so I had to go through that journey, but there was a fear of not being able to hold a marriage or to be desirable to be married because I I did not know how to not be, I didn't know how to be vulnerable.

00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:17.199
Uh and so you know, yeah, me, you know, we've been friends for like 20 years.

00:46:17.360 --> 00:46:26.480
I don't know that we've ever had this conversation in this uh really like I don't think I've ever heard you say it like that.

00:46:26.719 --> 00:46:26.960
Really?

00:46:28.239 --> 00:46:28.880
I thought I had.

00:46:29.199 --> 00:46:30.480
Okay, well, possibly.

00:46:30.800 --> 00:46:31.760
First time everything.

00:46:32.079 --> 00:46:33.519
I'm I'm interested to know.

00:46:33.679 --> 00:46:45.280
I mean, I I feel like the audience is interested in knowing what ways outside of a relationship did you work on being more vulnerable?

00:46:47.360 --> 00:46:49.920
I would say mostly through my friendships.

00:46:50.079 --> 00:46:59.039
I think um that was where I practiced it is with the community, with people I was close to.

00:46:59.519 --> 00:47:11.599
Um, a lot like allowing people more deeply in, um being more transparent, um honest about kind of what I was feeling, and also I think taking more risks.

00:47:12.400 --> 00:47:18.400
I I I I became less risk averse in in several areas of my life.

00:47:18.559 --> 00:47:20.400
And it's just like, hey, you just gotta step out there and do it.

00:47:20.639 --> 00:47:22.800
You're not gonna, you're not gonna be prepared for everything.

00:47:23.280 --> 00:47:24.400
You just have to go for it.

00:47:24.480 --> 00:47:38.159
And I think by practicing that in small ways over time helped, even if it was as small as I don't want to say this thing, but I'm gonna say it.

00:47:38.960 --> 00:47:52.400
Uh or it could it could be that it could be that small, or it could be as small as like introducing myself to another colleague, just you know, because I'm just not used to being the one to go first.

00:47:52.960 --> 00:47:54.880
And for me, that felt vulnerable.

00:47:54.960 --> 00:48:04.159
It felt like I don't want, you know, I don't want to be rejected or I don't want to um, you know, I don't want to be awkward, you know, whatever.

00:48:04.239 --> 00:48:08.159
Like I just I had all these I don't wanna bees and I just didn't do it.

00:48:08.239 --> 00:48:10.320
But it's like, hey, if it happens, it happens.

00:48:10.400 --> 00:48:13.599
If they look at you crazy, if they look at you funny, it is what it is, just do it.

00:48:13.760 --> 00:48:21.760
Like I I went through this period where you know, I read uh I think it was like 2018, I read Shonda Rhymes' book, The Year of Yes.

00:48:22.400 --> 00:48:22.800
Great book.

00:48:23.199 --> 00:48:24.400
I remember when you read that.

00:48:24.639 --> 00:48:28.000
Great book, and I definitely took that on.

00:48:28.159 --> 00:48:32.639
I said, I'm going to practice this in my own way.

00:48:32.800 --> 00:48:39.039
And I think that the thing that I kind of said, hey, for this next, I think it was for this next year, I want to say I did.

00:48:39.360 --> 00:48:43.119
I'm going to the things I would normally say yes to, I'm going to say no to.

00:48:43.199 --> 00:48:47.119
And the things I normally say no to, I'm going to say yes to to the extent I could do it.

00:48:47.760 --> 00:48:49.679
And I and I consciously did that.

00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:54.159
And so if I normally would not do something, I made myself do it.

00:48:54.320 --> 00:48:58.559
Uh, if I normally would do something for whatever reason, I said, hey, I'm not gonna do that.

00:48:58.719 --> 00:49:03.360
So I think small way practicing in very small ways was really helpful for me.

00:49:03.599 --> 00:49:08.079
Um and uh and it it made it made it less scary.

00:49:08.400 --> 00:49:27.679
And I think the other thing that was helpful is uh writing, like just journaling, starting to journal a lot, and um, you know, we've talked about this on another episode, but you know, the blog that I started and that getting that out, like that was my first entry point into letting people into a place that I just have never let, especially public, like publicly, that never happened, right?

00:49:28.320 --> 00:49:32.960
And that and I I saw how that resonated, and I also saw how that made me more free.

00:49:33.039 --> 00:49:34.559
And so I just kept doing that.

00:49:34.719 --> 00:49:39.519
Um and that helped me a lot, and that was in like 2018.

00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:52.079
And and so for me, it was about a it was a three-year between going through that and kind of deciding how I'm gonna live in the uh 2021 where I met my husband's three-year journey.

00:49:52.880 --> 00:49:59.599
I don't know, it could be a six-month journey for people, you know, it could be a 10-year journey, I don't know, but it it but it wasn't top of mind.

00:49:59.679 --> 00:50:05.760
Like I didn't do that because I wanted to, I was thinking about marriage.

00:50:06.079 --> 00:50:08.079
That wasn't the reason I did it.

00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:11.360
Um, so so yeah.

00:50:11.840 --> 00:50:13.280
I think it's interesting.

00:50:13.599 --> 00:50:21.039
I also will say that I struggled with vulnerability, um, but in a different way.

00:50:21.280 --> 00:50:39.039
Like, I for me, I feel like I struggled with being vulnerable first with myself and like just really being honest and saying things like Jaquita, that made you angry, or Jaquita, that really, that really hurt.

00:50:39.199 --> 00:50:53.199
Yeah, you know, or you know, and because I was such a silver lining, it's gonna be okay, you know, push through, push through, that I wasn't allowing myself to feel feeling.

00:50:53.280 --> 00:50:53.599
Yeah, yeah.

00:50:53.760 --> 00:51:01.599
And I used to say all through high school, all through college, all through my young adult years, I'd be like, you know, I'm just not a crier.

00:51:01.920 --> 00:51:02.239
Yeah.

00:51:02.400 --> 00:51:10.320
You know, I don't, I don't really cry much, you know, because while everyone else is crying, I'm like, okay, how can I make this better?

00:51:11.039 --> 00:51:15.679
You know, how can I spend this, give a little encouragement, you know?

00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:23.519
And I got to a point in my life where I was like, you know, Jaquita, maybe you haven't been telling yourself the truth about everything.

00:51:24.480 --> 00:51:32.639
And maybe because you haven't been telling yourself the truth, maybe you also don't know how to tell other people the truth.

00:51:33.760 --> 00:51:38.079
And I had to start sitting with myself.

00:51:38.239 --> 00:51:43.119
I would say round about the same time, maybe like 2017, 2018.

00:51:43.280 --> 00:52:03.840
I had to start sitting with myself and saying, I have big feelings toward things that I normally just scoot on over for the for the sake of creating harmony or preventing disagreement, are preventing um uh not controversy.

00:52:03.920 --> 00:52:04.880
What's the C word?

00:52:05.360 --> 00:52:06.159
Conflict.

00:52:06.480 --> 00:52:07.119
Conflict.

00:52:07.280 --> 00:52:10.559
I'm very conflict avoidant, I was right.

00:52:10.639 --> 00:52:25.760
And so like I'm I'm I'm trying my best to keep things at a stable point because I am at a point where I don't even know how I'm gonna react if I get to a point where somebody push me over the edge.

00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:26.719
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:27.199 --> 00:52:32.000
I've not seen myself over the edge, neither has anybody else.

00:52:32.239 --> 00:52:35.039
And so what if I do get to that place?

00:52:35.360 --> 00:52:38.159
Can people love me even if I'm angry?

00:52:38.320 --> 00:52:38.719
That's real.

00:52:38.800 --> 00:52:39.199
That's good.

00:52:39.519 --> 00:52:48.239
Even if I'm upset, even if I'm sad, yeah, even if I'm showing up and I'm not bubbly and I'm not charismatic, but I'm really down.

00:52:48.400 --> 00:52:48.559
Yeah.

00:52:48.719 --> 00:52:51.840
You know, I'm really, you know, not feeling it today.

00:52:51.920 --> 00:52:52.079
Yeah.

00:52:52.239 --> 00:53:03.039
You know, like well, you know, and I think a lot of that for me came because in high school I really struggled with low self-esteem and insecurity.

00:53:03.519 --> 00:53:11.199
And so I spent a lot of time building myself up to be the perfect friend, to be the person that everyone wanted around.

00:53:11.360 --> 00:53:18.159
I had like eight male best friends, and they, you know, like they were all my friends were my world.

00:53:18.239 --> 00:53:25.039
Yeah and me becoming whoever each of them needed was what I was preoccupied with.

00:53:25.280 --> 00:53:34.320
Um, and I always had the thought, like, if I'm not the perfect friend, they're gonna realize that uh they don't really need or want me around.

00:53:34.480 --> 00:53:34.880
Yeah.

00:53:35.119 --> 00:53:49.840
And I think for some of us, I think vulnerability takes on this aspect of really, I think the first or one, maybe not the first part, because I I think self-awareness is the first part of everything.

00:53:50.239 --> 00:53:55.280
But there's a moment where you have to be honest.

00:53:55.840 --> 00:54:11.039
And you and and there's a moment where you have to say, even if I don't feel like anyone will understand this, I have to trust somebody around me to to let this out.

00:54:11.280 --> 00:54:17.360
Yes, yes, and and and and and really acknowledging with yourself that it is okay.

00:54:17.679 --> 00:54:27.920
It is okay for me to not be perfect, for me to have feelings, for me to have opinions, yeah, for me to uh not know how to deal with something, for me to be unsure.

00:54:28.320 --> 00:54:30.880
It is okay for us to be complicated.

00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:33.039
You get what I'm saying?

00:54:33.199 --> 00:54:39.119
And I think we try to simplify ourselves to make ourselves palatable for people.

00:54:39.519 --> 00:54:43.599
But it is okay for you to be complicated, yeah.

00:54:43.840 --> 00:54:55.760
And and you're allowed that, and you are going to have to be, for those of us desiring marriage, you're gonna have to be all of your complicated self within that marriage.

00:54:55.920 --> 00:55:07.039
Man, you know, I think that's another um idea that I kind of had to move away from, this idea that I was crafting the perfect person for my husband.

00:55:07.840 --> 00:55:21.920
You know, I had to be the perfect weight, I had to, you know, keep um uh keep my face made up every day and my hair a certain way every day, and wearing, you know, the same, you know, these fashionable clothes every day.

00:55:22.159 --> 00:55:28.239
And I had to be really smart, had to be really on top of myself, and and trying to mold this idea.

00:55:28.400 --> 00:55:33.199
I gotta wash the dishes every day, which I still is a struggle.

00:55:33.360 --> 00:55:34.480
I hate washing the dishes.

00:55:34.719 --> 00:55:34.880
Sure.

00:55:35.280 --> 00:55:37.760
That now that is one thing I still be thinking in my mind.

00:55:37.840 --> 00:55:44.880
I'd be like, listen, if I tell my husband that I'll cook, I think I can get him to wash these dishes.

00:55:45.119 --> 00:55:55.519
Um, but you know, like there, we just we we stay in this mindset of I'm trying to build myself to be the person that someone will want.

00:55:56.960 --> 00:56:03.199
And you're trying to, you're trying to extract the complicated parts of yourself.

00:56:03.679 --> 00:56:05.920
And you're a whole person.

00:56:06.159 --> 00:56:06.639
Yeah.

00:56:06.880 --> 00:56:20.880
You're a whole, you're a whole human being with experiences, with triggers, with, you know, even through my healing course, like it wasn't like a we didn't get a certificate saying, congratulations, you're healed.

00:56:21.360 --> 00:56:25.199
We got we got our last lesson was this is a lifelong journey.

00:56:25.280 --> 00:56:26.800
Yeah, you're always gonna be healed.

00:56:29.599 --> 00:56:31.119
Always gonna be healing.

00:56:31.360 --> 00:56:32.239
What you mean?

00:56:32.320 --> 00:56:36.159
I gotta keep practicing these tools to stay healed.

00:56:36.320 --> 00:56:39.360
Man, you know, we get healed and then we be healed.

00:56:39.599 --> 00:56:43.760
You know, that's why when somebody says, you know, I'm not even on that anymore, I'm healed.

00:56:43.840 --> 00:56:46.159
I'd be like, Yeah, until you're triggered.

00:56:46.320 --> 00:56:46.639
Correct.

00:56:46.800 --> 00:56:48.480
You're you're healed until you're triggered.

00:56:48.559 --> 00:56:50.800
And then what tools?

00:56:50.960 --> 00:56:57.039
So the question that you ask people is not, are you healed from your pal your past and your childhood?

00:56:57.280 --> 00:57:06.800
The question you ask people is, what are the tools and the processes you use when you're triggered by something that may have happened before?

00:57:07.599 --> 00:57:13.360
How do you navigate spaces where how do you navigate your complicated spaces?

00:57:13.840 --> 00:57:25.679
And I and I think that is the mark of healing is that is being able to answer that question because life is going to hit again.

00:57:26.400 --> 00:57:29.039
And the question is, what are your processes?

00:57:29.280 --> 00:57:31.440
What are the tools that you used when life hits?

00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:43.199
If if if that if you don't have an answer to that, or it's more of an avoidant nature, like I'm going to try to dodge those things, that's not heal.

00:57:43.440 --> 00:57:43.599
Right.

00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:44.079
No, yeah.

00:57:44.159 --> 00:57:46.719
I I I'm now I think I think that's absolutely correct.

00:57:46.800 --> 00:57:50.800
You know, something you as you were talking, I'm gonna be real, let's see.

00:57:51.199 --> 00:57:52.000
I'm gonna be very honest.

00:57:52.079 --> 00:57:54.320
Not that I haven't been, but I'm just be real as a leader.

00:57:54.800 --> 00:58:01.760
Um, this idea of complication and like being complicated, it's just like I don't know how this is gonna sound.

00:58:01.920 --> 00:58:05.840
Um, but get ready to uh edit the producer joy.

00:58:05.920 --> 00:58:07.119
Yeah, I don't know how this is gonna come out.

00:58:07.599 --> 00:58:15.360
But I think that as a leader, we deal with complicated people all day.

00:58:15.840 --> 00:58:16.320
Right.

00:58:16.719 --> 00:58:37.360
And sometimes it it it there's a but as a leader, be well, listen this in some leadership positions, in my particular position, uh I I'm not uh because I'm I'm the person in charge, I I do the letting go.

00:58:37.679 --> 00:58:38.000
Okay.

00:58:38.480 --> 00:58:39.039
All right.

00:58:39.360 --> 00:58:44.559
So I'm not at at risk of being let go, right, in that way.

00:58:45.039 --> 00:58:46.239
Oh okay, wait.

00:58:46.320 --> 00:58:47.840
I I didn't know that's what you were talking about.

00:58:48.159 --> 00:58:48.400
Keep going.

00:58:48.559 --> 00:58:51.519
So so I'm I'm I'm I'm hoping to make this and that let me be clear.

00:58:51.679 --> 00:58:53.440
That's not to say fire complicated people.

00:58:53.519 --> 00:58:54.320
That's not what I'm saying.

00:58:54.480 --> 00:59:08.239
But what I'm what I'm saying, what I'm saying is what I'm saying is like in a marriage, I think sometimes we we there might be a fear that if I'm too complicated, they will leave.

00:59:08.960 --> 00:59:09.679
Whoa, yeah.

00:59:10.239 --> 00:59:10.880
Girl, yeah.

00:59:11.280 --> 00:59:17.039
As opposed to in a marriage, in a but as a leader, that's not a fear.

00:59:17.920 --> 00:59:19.280
Because I ain't leaving.

00:59:19.760 --> 00:59:22.400
You can leave, but I'm um because of my position.

00:59:23.440 --> 00:59:24.400
I I'm cool.

00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:29.840
My complication for you doesn't denote me, I'm not gonna leave.

00:59:30.880 --> 00:59:53.920
Um I'm I don't know if that is making sense, but you're kind of on the power, you're on the side as a as a leader in some positions, you are on the side, you have a there's a power dynamic there that sometimes can make you feel more more safe, and to make you feel more safe, even though you know you're complicated, versus other people who may not feel as safe because they're also complicated.

00:59:54.000 --> 01:00:06.639
And so I think that is you know, part of being a a good leader is accepting all of it and leading, uh leading through the complications of yourself, your team, environment, all that stuff.

01:00:06.880 --> 01:00:09.199
In a marriage, there is no power dynamic.

01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:12.239
So I'm not on top.

01:00:12.639 --> 01:00:23.840
And so it's like if he if he or she recognizes how complicated I am, then I may not, one of us may not stay, right?

01:00:24.559 --> 01:00:40.639
And and so that that that that that that mindset shift from leader in a work setting or career setting to a spouse is you you those are those are two different ways of of being.

01:00:41.440 --> 01:01:02.239
And and so when when you have been in that power dynamic for a length of time, when you realize like maybe they're gonna feel the same way I feel about some people about me, it can it can scare you because it's like I don't have the leverage I have at work in this house, in this relationship.

01:01:02.480 --> 01:01:03.199
Does that make sense?

01:01:03.360 --> 01:01:04.880
Did I come across okay?

01:01:05.760 --> 01:01:07.119
That's super good, super good.

01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:31.679
I also think as you were talking, I was thinking that sometimes as leaders, because we're constantly in a space where we're making decisions, we're focused on everyone else, you know, and you're constantly just, you know, surveying situations and surveying people, depending on who you are, and you're just adjusting them, shifting them, changing them.

01:01:31.920 --> 01:01:37.280
You're not really complicated in your leadership role, you know, like because it's not about you.

01:01:37.440 --> 01:01:37.840
That's right.

01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:44.239
Because you're constantly pouring out and you're constantly attending to everybody and everything else.

01:01:44.400 --> 01:01:54.719
Well, you like your company, you really become complicated until I mean you you do have complicated feelings and reactions, but you don't always get to express those.

01:01:54.880 --> 01:01:55.599
Yeah, that's very true.

01:01:55.840 --> 01:02:01.519
You don't always get to live in your I don't like this, I don't, I'm mad, I'm angry.

01:02:01.760 --> 01:02:04.239
Nobody, you don't get to, you don't get to be angry.

01:02:04.800 --> 01:02:15.039
You know, like when I was in a position and I felt like I was being persecuted, all right, because people was, you know, being themselves, right?

01:02:15.199 --> 01:02:19.280
I didn't get to go to work and be mad because I'm a leader.

01:02:19.440 --> 01:02:19.760
Yeah.

01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:22.559
I get to go to work and still serve.

01:02:22.800 --> 01:02:30.320
I get to go to work and figure out how to navigate all of your complexities while not tending to my own.

01:02:30.480 --> 01:02:30.800
Yeah.

01:02:31.119 --> 01:02:33.039
And that's where you need good management.

01:02:33.199 --> 01:02:35.280
You need you need the managers of the managers.

01:02:35.360 --> 01:02:35.760
That's right.

01:02:35.840 --> 01:02:36.800
That's neither here nor there.

01:02:36.880 --> 01:02:38.880
Y'all know how I feel about middle management.

01:02:39.440 --> 01:03:06.960
But I I really feel like it for me, it was when I started realizing outside of my leadership roles, that is where I started to really, those you have to find safe places outside of your leadership where you are expressing the complexity of not just who you are as a leader, but who you are when you're not the one making the decisions.

01:03:07.119 --> 01:03:07.280
Man.

01:03:07.599 --> 01:03:10.880
And who you are when the responsibility is not in your hands.

01:03:11.199 --> 01:03:11.519
Man.

01:03:11.840 --> 01:03:12.079
Man.

01:03:12.639 --> 01:03:15.760
And you have to have safe places.

01:03:16.000 --> 01:03:34.800
And I think, you know, if you are a person, um, because I I was this person, and I can really say it's only been probably this past year that I was not this person, where I was really trying to continue to oversimplify myself to make myself palatable.

01:03:35.440 --> 01:03:43.840
And I when I say be your complex whole self, I'm not, this is not me talking to the keep it 100 people.

01:03:44.000 --> 01:03:45.280
Because I know y'all, okay.

01:03:45.360 --> 01:03:47.519
I know y'all listen, you know what I'm saying?

01:03:47.679 --> 01:03:49.440
Because this is who I am, okay.

01:03:53.679 --> 01:03:58.159
We are not trying to reinforce, you know, because that's another extreme.

01:03:58.239 --> 01:04:01.920
That's you're just on the other side of it because that's a mask.

01:04:02.079 --> 01:04:02.480
Yeah.

01:04:02.639 --> 01:04:02.880
Yeah.

01:04:03.039 --> 01:04:07.199
I'm I I'm not I'm not telling people to wear the keep it 100 mask.

01:04:07.280 --> 01:04:07.519
Yeah.

01:04:07.840 --> 01:04:13.440
Because that that's a mask that you use as a deterrent to keep people away too, right?

01:04:13.920 --> 01:04:25.920
But really explore while you're in your single season and you have people around you, you have friends, you have family members, wouldn't suggest co-workers, but I don't know your life.

01:04:26.079 --> 01:04:27.039
You know what I'm saying?

01:04:27.199 --> 01:04:36.960
Like, you know, really take opportunities to really be a complex person and not a palatable one.

01:04:37.199 --> 01:04:38.000
Yeah, that's good.

01:04:38.159 --> 01:04:38.400
Right.

01:04:38.480 --> 01:04:43.440
And take the risk of of giving people your truth.

01:04:44.320 --> 01:04:48.320
You know, of giving people your I didn't really like that.

01:04:48.480 --> 01:04:48.800
Yeah.

01:04:49.039 --> 01:04:50.800
I didn't really appreciate that.

01:04:51.039 --> 01:04:52.960
That kind of made me upset.

01:04:53.519 --> 01:04:57.920
Um, I'm really sad today because I had a sad thought.

01:04:58.079 --> 01:05:07.119
You know, I I I really don't I really don't want to go out with you because sometimes I get I feel like my life isn't as good as yours.

01:05:07.679 --> 01:05:09.199
You know, like really have those.

01:05:09.360 --> 01:05:12.320
I mean, me, Ruth Davigal and Joy have had those conversations.

01:05:12.480 --> 01:05:12.960
For sure.

01:05:13.199 --> 01:05:14.000
You know what I'm saying?

01:05:14.159 --> 01:05:22.559
And and I think that those moments are the ones that helped me one to realize I was not just one happy note.

01:05:22.880 --> 01:05:23.679
Yeah, that's right.

01:05:24.400 --> 01:05:27.679
You can't make you cannot make a song with one note.

01:05:28.000 --> 01:05:30.159
No, you couldn't one chord.

01:05:31.360 --> 01:05:32.400
You know, that's true.

01:05:32.639 --> 01:05:36.320
Um all all songs are made up of major and minor chords.

01:05:36.639 --> 01:05:39.440
And they're just chords, you gotta have all, yeah.

01:05:39.679 --> 01:05:40.639
You gotta have all of them.

01:05:40.960 --> 01:05:44.320
Allow your allow your life to go up and down the scale.

01:05:44.480 --> 01:05:44.960
That's right.

01:05:45.119 --> 01:05:47.840
And allow other people to hear the melody of your life.

01:05:48.079 --> 01:05:50.000
Come on, come on, musical analogy.

01:05:50.320 --> 01:05:51.360
Come on, let's go.

01:05:52.079 --> 01:05:52.400
Let's go.

01:05:53.039 --> 01:05:53.519
I love it.

01:05:53.599 --> 01:05:54.159
That's good.

01:05:54.480 --> 01:05:55.119
I love that.

01:05:55.280 --> 01:05:57.119
No, I I think that's exactly right.

01:05:57.199 --> 01:06:02.800
And I I think again as leaders uh Um we need to give ourselves permission to do that.

01:06:03.119 --> 01:06:06.239
It's just it's a healthy practice.

01:06:06.320 --> 01:06:07.760
It'll make you a better leader.

01:06:08.159 --> 01:06:11.920
Uh honestly, if you if you allow yourself to do that.

01:06:12.159 --> 01:06:13.679
Um Okay.

01:06:14.239 --> 01:06:14.800
All right.

01:06:15.039 --> 01:06:15.519
Hey.

01:06:16.320 --> 01:06:16.559
Hey.

01:06:17.519 --> 01:06:22.559
You know, we want we need to make a public apology to producer joy because we told her we'd be done in 45 minutes.

01:06:22.960 --> 01:06:24.559
Abigail needs to make a public apology.

01:06:27.119 --> 01:06:28.559
This is gonna be a tight 45.

01:06:28.719 --> 01:06:30.239
I was like, we've never done that before.

01:06:30.559 --> 01:06:31.199
That's not true.

01:06:31.280 --> 01:06:32.320
We have, but it's not often.

01:06:32.400 --> 01:06:33.280
And this was not that.

01:06:33.440 --> 01:06:34.880
So I knew this wasn't gonna be that.

01:06:35.039 --> 01:06:36.239
We apologize, producer joy.

01:06:36.320 --> 01:06:38.000
But hopefully you guys have made it through.

01:06:38.079 --> 01:06:40.079
Hopefully you found value in the conversation.

01:06:40.239 --> 01:06:41.679
Uh, we love you all.

01:06:41.760 --> 01:06:42.480
We love this topic.

01:06:42.559 --> 01:06:44.239
I think I I really I'm enjoying this topic.

01:06:44.400 --> 01:06:56.239
I think I think I hope that it will set people free um to that that that may feel stuck in their mindset around being single and having to live this leadership life.

01:06:56.400 --> 01:06:57.280
It isn't easy.

01:06:57.519 --> 01:07:00.960
And uh, and so we we hope that these conversations will help you get free.

01:07:01.039 --> 01:07:05.840
But listen, if that's not your issue, and if you aren't the one that needs freedom, you know somebody who does.

01:07:06.000 --> 01:07:06.960
So give it to them.

01:07:07.199 --> 01:07:08.000
You know what I'm saying?

01:07:08.239 --> 01:07:08.719
Pass it on.

01:07:09.679 --> 01:07:15.199
Okay, don't let it keep, don't let it stay on your phone.

01:07:15.280 --> 01:07:18.639
You get it on somebody else's phone, all right, so that they can listen to it.

01:07:18.800 --> 01:07:19.199
All right.

01:07:19.440 --> 01:07:26.320
So um we uh we love you guys and we hope y'all continue to stay tuned uh for the remainder of this series.

01:07:26.480 --> 01:07:32.559
And until next week, let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom.

01:07:32.880 --> 01:07:33.679
Peace.

01:07:38.559 --> 01:07:41.599
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

01:07:41.679 --> 01:07:45.840
We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

01:07:46.079 --> 01:07:52.480
Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think.

01:07:52.639 --> 01:07:58.960
We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

01:07:59.199 --> 01:08:00.159
See you then.