WEBVTT
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What's up, everybody?
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Welcome once again to the Unlert Podcast Live Edition.
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I'm Ruth Abigail, aka R A.
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What's up, friends?
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It's your girl, Jaquita.
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We are live and in Living Color.
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Yeah, we are.
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Yeah, we are.
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We are the podcast that is going to help you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.
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And welcome to the second live event that we have ever had.
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We love to be here.
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I am super excited because today we are talking about a topic that I think is so relevant.
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Um, we're talking about enduring leadership.
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And when you think about the times and the seasons, when you think about what's going on in the streets, we ain't got to name it.
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Okay.
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Y'all been all right.
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All right.
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Y'all see it, right?
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You know, just persistence, tenacity, and continuing to have envision have visions and dreams in times where it seems like things are going darker or things are not going in ways that we may have imagined that they would have gone.
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It's hard to keep dreaming.
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It's hard to keep to keep leading.
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And so we wanted to come to you guys today to talk about how do we persist through times where it's really hard to do so.
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Yeah, really, really hard.
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And like it's hard just in society, but also I just feel like these this time, welcome guys, if you're just joining, we we we we are we're here.
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Welcome.
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If you could let us know that you're here, drop drop your uh name or something in the chat so we can say hi.
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Hello in the chat, please.
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Um so I think just in general, this time of year, just about every year is tough because you're coming up to the end of the year.
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And Quido, you said something uh actually we prayed before this.
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You said something in the prayer of like, you know, if people are wondering uh or or maybe feel a little discouraged about how they're ending the year.
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Yeah.
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I think some I think we get to this year, and no matter how the year went, I feel like most most people, most of us get to the end of the year and be like, man, there's something I didn't do, there's something I didn't accomplish, and we kind of hang on that, you know what I mean?
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And so we want to just kind of name that first of all as a reality and then also kind of help us to push through it.
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So like it don't have to feel like that, and I have to feel like that.
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Um, we can uh we can move forward and end the year well and start the year strong, even if you feel like it hadn't been exactly what you wanted it to be.
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Yeah, no, for sure.
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Hey Sebastian, hi Miss Tracy.
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Sorry, I could I'm looking at all of our hellos and wanted to make sure we acknowledge our friends.
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If you are just joining us and you're coming in, make sure you say hello.
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We want to engage with you guys on tonight.
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So good to see so good to see my friends.
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Um, you know, one thing that has really gotten me, um, you know, when I think about leadership and being in roles and places where you have impact and influence, and you know, I feel like I've gone from a place of feeling like it's my job to lead people into like future endeavors and opening doors and figuring out how great the future can be.
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Now I feel like we I've gone into a place of protection and sheltering and and uh it it makes you start building fences instead of gates, right?
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Where's I started building walls instead of doors, and so I think that it's really it's really been a season where I've had to restructure my hope, right?
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Because a lot of times when we think about hope, hope is a belief in a future.
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It is a belief in what is to come, not in thinking about what is now, but what can come, what can be.
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And it's the possibilities of things and the hope for things, you know.
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Bible says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen, right?
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Hope is it's not seen, it doesn't feel possible, it doesn't feel like you know you're really sitting in it, but I believe even when it doesn't look like I can have what I'm seeing in my mind.
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And so I've had to really re-ignite hope in this season, right?
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And I've had to be really intentional about how I do that.
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Um, one of the ways that I've had to be intentional is I've had to watch my conversation.
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Yeah, right.
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Because, and I've I've had to watch both what comes in and what's going out.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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If you are constantly ingesting things that are really stressing you out, yeah, man.
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That really make you feel like, man, we're in hard times.
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Life sucks.
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The state of the world sucks.
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You know, the state of my job sucks.
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If you're constantly ingesting that, you cannot hope to build something that will be able to fight against that.
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Absolutely.
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So you have to watch both what you're ingesting and then you have to watch what you're speaking.
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Because what you ingest, you then make a reality in your life through your speaking.
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Yeah.
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And so I have to, we have to be intentional in this season, not only with what we're seeing, what we're ingesting, what we're allowing through our ear gates and our eye gates, but also what are you letting out of your mouth?
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And who you letting it out to who are you letting out to?
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Talk about it.
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Because you we don't need to be talking to everybody about everything.
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Talk about it.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Because you're what you the response you get from other people is also going to impact how you hope.
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Because if if you're talking to people who have a low degree of hope, even if you have somewhat of a higher one, they can easily lower it.
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Right.
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And so you want to make sure that you're not, you know, what what you're talking about, what's going in, but who are you talking to and who are you allowing to respond back to what you're saying?
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I think you have to see every conversation that you have in this season.
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It is everybody is coming with a load.
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People are heavy.
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Yeah.
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People are heavy.
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People are heavy because of what's happening in the world.
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People are heavy because of what's happening in the world is definitely impacting what's happening in their life.
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And then when you think about people who are in leadership positions, and when we say leadership positions, I don't just mean titles, right?
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If you're a mother, a father, an uncle, an auntie, a sister, a brother, uh, a dad, a whatever it is, you have things and people and responsibilities that you are carrying.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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And if I'm taking what I'm carrying to somebody else, right, and I'm trying to maintain my hope about what I'm carrying, you have to be cognizant of if you're in relationships with people who are unloading on you and you don't have any return to give anything back to them.
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So now you're leaving these conversations heavier than what you let than what you came in with.
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Because now I'm trying to hope for my circumstance, but now I'm having to balance everything that you released onto me as well.
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And so when you're talking to people and you're engaging with people who are not actively pursuing hope, that's right.
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You know, the Bible says that you have to pursue peace, right?
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You have to pursue knowing that all will be well.
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You have to pursue believing that it's going to be okay.
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You have to pursue knowing that the things, the visions, the dreams, the aspirations, the ambitions, that those things can still come alive in your life.
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You have to pursue that.
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And when you are walking with people who are not pursuing the same thing you are, you will start pulling at each other because you're going in different directions.
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And so I just think now is such a pivotal time to check your circle.
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Right?
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Check it.
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Check it.
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Please check it.
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Check your crew.
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Please check it.
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Please check it.
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So before we get to Thanksgiving, all right.
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Challenge time, before we get to Thanksgiving, you need to do a crew check.
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And you need to say, oh, okay.
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Is this a push-pull relationship?
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Or is this a balancing relationship where we're always making sure the scales are even?
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Like, oh, I gave, I I I took too much over here.
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Let me let me let me balance it, right?
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You know, Ruth and I talk all the time, and there will be moments where it's a heavy day for me, and I'm just like, Ruth, heavy day for me, right?
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Um I'm going in.
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I it's it's a me day today, right?
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But when she comes with her me day, I don't sit there and be like, oh, but you know, I just really want to talk about me.
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No, because the scales in any relationship have to be balanced.
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Do a crew check, friends.
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Do a crew check.
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You know, let's be honest, y'all know who those people are.
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Y'all know who those people are in your life.
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Who when you talk, when you call them about you, they somehow always pivoted back to them.
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Y'all know, y'all know who it is.
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So don't be afraid.
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And I think one of the things that, you know, one of the things that Queen and I have have talked about, and I think as you get more settled in who you are, it's really not an age thing, it's more of just a mental stage thing.
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Like you begin to realize, you begin to put people in the right categories.
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So, so everybody who you talk to and hang out with isn't a friend.
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And I think, but it doesn't mean you can't connect with them, it can't be around them.
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Like, just don't put them in the friend category because a friend, I mean, for real, like you can't, you may not be a friend, but like it could be a solid connection, it could be a colleague, it could be an acquaintance, um, it could just be a casual, I'm cool with this person, but but but friend has some weight to it.
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And if you as a if that person can't hold weight with you, they're not a friend.
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And if they're not willing, if they're not willing to hold your weight the way you hold theirs, they're not a friend.
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So sometimes you just need to recategorize people and then meet them in the place that they actually are in your life, as opposed to expecting something that you consistently don't get.
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Man, let me tell you something because when we're talking about enduring leadership and when we're talking about this idea of maintaining hope, you have to talk about expectations.
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Yeah, you have to talk about how we have built our expectations around people, around uh success, expectations around fulfilling purpose, expectations around who's gonna show up, who's gonna be there, who's gonna, and we are building our expectations on false premises.
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Yeah, you know these people have been the same people the entire, you know what I'm saying?
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But you keep building expectations on on the sand.
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Yeah, you're building expectations on people who prove to you time after time after time again that when the rain comes, when the flood comes, they're gonna wash away.
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We're still building expectations that these people are gonna show up for us like I've envisioned in my mind that they would.
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We're still building expectations that things are gonna work out like I envisioned in my mind they would, and you leave no space for God to creatively bring something new in your life so that He can give you what you actually need because you keep trying to make what you already have your answer.
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Yeah.
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What you've been through, where you've been, and who you've had accompanying you up to this point is not the solution for where God is taking you.
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That's not the answer.
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Yeah.
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I'm not, and and I don't I don't want to be responsible.
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Don't don't be going around breaking up with people, telling people your friendships is over, and being like, well, Jaquita and Ruth Abigail was on the phone.
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Hold on, hold on.
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Yeah.
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Don't, don't, no, no, listen, listen, listen.
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And I and and there are great people in my life that I've had to learn where the weight shift.
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I've had to learn who can handle what.
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Right.
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I've had I've had to learn it.
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And they were really close to me, right?
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But I've had to learn, I don't, I can't, I can't, like how I'm sitting in this chair, right?
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I can't, I can't put my weight on you and do what I need to do because I go hard, right?
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And I need I need to know that if I'm if I'm in a vulnerable moment or if I'm in a moment where I really, you know, again, we're gonna talk about it.
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Enduring leadership means I'm gonna go through some, I'm gonna have some mountaintops, but I'm gonna show enough have some valleys.
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I'm gonna have some times where I'm climbing up and then I'm gonna have some times where I'm I'm sliding down the mountain.
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Like I ain't even mean to go down this fast.
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What happened?
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Right?
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I need, and I don't want the people, I I it's it's not about whether or not they can be a good friend or whether or not they can be in your life.
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It is about your expectations of who they're gonna be and what they're gonna do.
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Because I am a person of great hope, which means I get disappointed a lot or used to, because I would believe that the that the vision that I set in my head is exactly how things were gonna pan out.
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And I would hope for that vision.
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And when it didn't pan out the way I had hoped for, I was like, well, Lord, what happened?
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Right?
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I had to learn to reset my expectations and to start envisioning God coming through for me.
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Hey Larry.
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Hey Larry, um and Jeanne.
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I don't know if we acknowledge Janay.
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Hey Janay, hey, what up, right?
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Uh, as you guys are coming in, please say hello.
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We want to engage with you as much as we can on tonight, right?
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But when I started changing what I was setting my hope on to being God's words, God's promises, and not just the word in the Bible, but the word I was getting from my quiet time with God, the the and from my relationship with God, because I started to know God as a sustainer.
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I started to know God as a provider, I started to know God as a rock, right?
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I started to know God as a strong tower.
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And then once you know what you know about a person, you can set an expectation of that person.
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When I came to know God as a provider, I could set an expectation that God would provide.
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When I came to know that God was a sustainer and that he was my strength, when I got in hard times, I came to say, you know what?
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I can set my hope on who I know God to be.
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And that's the same thing I'm telling you to do with people in your life.
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Set your hope on who you know them to be.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Don't listen, y'all.
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You got to be real.
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Don't fool yourself.
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Um, who do you know this person to be?
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Who have they shown you to be?
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And and so as we're talking about this, and we're we're gonna keep talking about this in different ways.
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Let us know if you're feeling that.
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Let us know if you know you need to recategorize a person, drop it in the chat.
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If you know you need to recategorize somebody, drop it in the chat.
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Just an emoji if you got to.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Just put the emoji in the chat.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Um, and and that's it.
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And just let us know, like, hey, I probably need to reorganize, re-categorize my my uh my friend organizational chart.
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You know what I mean?
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Like you have the org chart.
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It's a re-org.
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You gotta re-org.
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It's a re-org, okay?
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It's gonna help you, and it's gonna help you to go into it.
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So one of the things that so like Quita was saying, like, we're talking about this idea of enduring leadership.
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One of the things I took thought about today, Quita.
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Um, I didn't tell you this.
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But uh is uh amen.
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I do.
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Thank you, Sebastian, for being real.
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Jehovah Gyra, Sebastian.
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I know that's right.
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Be real.
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Um when when leaders, when life happens to leaders, life happens to everyone around them.
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Well, jump on in there then and get in there.
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I I I realize like what one of the things what if if you will have any kind of leadership in your life, like you would have said was your family, community, you know, uh work, what whatever that whatever that space is for you.
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When life happens to you, it happens to everyone around you.
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Yeah.
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And so it is, and that can be very that can be very weighty, which again speaks to we gotta have the right people around us.
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Um that can be a very, very weighty feeling to know because some stuff, most stuff you can't control.
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Uh, we talk about all the time, like you can't control it.
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And you have, but you have a responsibility to keep moving forward because if you stop, the people, the people that are following you can stop.
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Um, and when you stop, the people that are moving uh and watching you, they can stop.
00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:48.240
And now they they're they are lost and they don't know where they're going, and they're not, you know, the moment their momentum can be paused.
00:16:48.480 --> 00:16:53.120
And you have to know that there really is a responsibility when it comes to leading.
00:16:53.440 --> 00:17:05.200
And I think that I think that as leaders and or people that are are are act are active in leadership, we have to understand what it takes to endure.
00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:06.000
Yeah.
00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:10.000
Not just for me, but for the people around me.
00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:11.119
It matters.
00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:15.440
And you we we can't, we don't have the luxury of just saying, I'm done.
00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:17.039
It doesn't work that way.
00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:33.680
Um, that is, and I think it's understanding how um what a what a high uh honor it is, but also how how how much of a responsibility it really is to say that I lead, you know.
00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:44.799
Um and and so to me, I think that uh what one of the things I the uh you know we follow a pastor uh that Pastor Darius Daniels.
00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:46.799
We followed him for a long time.
00:17:47.200 --> 00:17:48.160
We love Darius Daniels.
00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:49.279
We love Darius Daniels, yeah.
00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:52.079
If y'all, if y'all, if y'all don't know Darius Daniels, check him out.