May 26, 2025

Unlearning Love and Basketball: What Monica and Quincy Got Wrong!

Unlearning Love and Basketball: What Monica and Quincy Got Wrong!

Send us a text Ruth and Jaquetta dive into the cult classic "Love & Basketball" as they kick off their summer series examining movies they had to unlearn from, breaking down the film's problematic messages about relationships, identity, and success. • Analyzing the movie in quarters, just like the film's structure • Unlearning identity limitations - you don't have to choose between femininity and athleticism • Character development matters more than talent when pursuing dreams • Leaders ...

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Send us a text

Ruth and Jaquetta dive into the cult classic "Love & Basketball" as they kick off their summer series examining movies they had to unlearn from, breaking down the film's problematic messages about relationships, identity, and success.

• Analyzing the movie in quarters, just like the film's structure
• Unlearning identity limitations - you don't have to choose between femininity and athleticism
• Character development matters more than talent when pursuing dreams
• Leaders look past gifts to character - "if your mentor don't get on your nerves, you ain't got a good mentor"
• Relationships rarely stay the way they started, and transitions require communication
• Soul ties keep you stuck - "reaching back to get something will always pull you backwards"
• The unrealistic portrayal of Monica getting Quincy back by playing for his heart two weeks before his wedding
• How aesthetics in the film reinforce gender expectations and identity shifts

Like, share, and subscribe to join our community! We want to hear your thoughts about Love & Basketball in the comments.


00:00 - Welcome to Unlearned Podcast

05:35 - Introducing Love & Basketball Series

10:12 - First Quarter: Identity and Gender Roles

21:56 - Second Quarter: Character Over Talent

32:24 - Third Quarter: Relationships in Transition

48:44 - Fourth Quarter: Breaking Soul Ties

01:03:34 - Key Takeaways and Closing

WEBVTT

00:00:05.248 --> 00:00:08.773
hello everybody and welcome once again to the unlearned podcast.

00:00:08.773 --> 00:00:12.987
I'm your host, ruth abigail aka ra what's up, friends?

00:00:12.987 --> 00:00:20.646
It's your girl, jaquita this is the podcast that's helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience more freedom.

00:00:22.108 --> 00:00:26.975
And we're back we are back friends.

00:00:26.975 --> 00:00:35.747
We just finished our millennials in crisis series, so that was heavy.

00:00:35.747 --> 00:00:46.904
We came at y'all heavy, you know listen, so we gonna lighten it up a little bit that crisis stuff before the storm.

00:00:46.904 --> 00:00:50.534
Yeah, doing the storm after the storm, you know so.

00:00:50.534 --> 00:00:55.488
But hopefully, you know there was a lot of good tips in there, so hopefully, listen.

00:00:55.548 --> 00:00:56.490
Hopefully you know.

00:00:56.490 --> 00:00:59.527
I feel like it was an important, important thing to get out.

00:00:59.527 --> 00:01:00.210
You know what I mean.

00:01:00.210 --> 00:01:05.347
Before we listen roll into the summertime right with everything going on.

00:01:05.408 --> 00:01:06.090
Listen, listen, y'all.

00:01:06.090 --> 00:01:07.367
Put it in your back pocket.

00:01:07.367 --> 00:01:10.945
Yeah, okay, put it in your back pocket because we don't know what's coming.

00:01:10.945 --> 00:01:13.066
Yeah, I mean.

00:01:13.227 --> 00:01:22.849
so we did that, and now we're rolling into summer, Summer summer, summertime, summertime, summertime.

00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:31.206
Yeah, hey, yes, yeah, okay was Ruth was sitting there for a moment debating if she was gonna say something about my singing.

00:01:31.206 --> 00:01:32.850
No, that's what just happened.

00:01:32.850 --> 00:01:33.272
I really was.

00:01:33.272 --> 00:01:34.444
That's what just happened.

00:01:34.444 --> 00:01:38.778
She was just like what did I tell you about singing on air at this time?

00:01:39.480 --> 00:01:42.430
it's not true, because I actually I actually was sitting there like am I gonna join in?

00:01:42.430 --> 00:01:42.811
Because I actually.

00:01:42.811 --> 00:01:47.379
I actually was sitting there like am I going to join in because I really don't know what she's doing and also.

00:01:48.188 --> 00:01:51.328
So, yeah, okay how did you not know what I was doing?

00:01:51.640 --> 00:01:53.085
what kind of millennial are you?

00:01:53.085 --> 00:01:55.066
I know I just put myself on blast.

00:01:55.066 --> 00:01:57.019
Look, I'm not saying I'm the best millennial.

00:01:57.019 --> 00:01:59.728
I definitely missed some things.

00:01:59.728 --> 00:02:05.328
Okay, we can talk about that another day, another time me and Ruth Abigail had different upbringings.

00:02:05.459 --> 00:02:12.212
Okay, um, and that's what makes us work, anywho so what are we doing?

00:02:12.233 --> 00:02:12.774
what we're talking about?

00:02:14.024 --> 00:02:14.786
listen, friends.

00:02:14.786 --> 00:02:17.092
Okay, so this new summertime series.

00:02:17.092 --> 00:02:41.032
Okay, we thought we would lighten it up a little bit for y'all and we're going to be breaking down some of our favorite movies from different genres, and not just the movies that we love, but the movies that we really had to unlearn, okay, um, so today is a cult classic, classic classic, if you know.

00:02:41.032 --> 00:02:44.205
You know, all right, it's on everybody's black card list.

00:02:44.205 --> 00:02:47.700
Like, if you ain't watched this one, that's fine.

00:02:47.700 --> 00:02:50.385
You indeed still have your black card.

00:02:50.385 --> 00:02:56.062
Can you still be part of the culture, be part of the, the community?

00:02:56.062 --> 00:02:58.407
Okay, we're talking about one of my faves.

00:02:58.528 --> 00:03:01.811
So before you do it though I'm sorry, I mean a lot I didn't want to do it because I want to.

00:03:01.811 --> 00:03:03.383
You know, we had talked about doing this little intro and I wanted to.

00:03:03.383 --> 00:03:03.586
Oh my gosh.

00:03:03.586 --> 00:03:04.009
Oh my gosh, I really thought you forgot.

00:03:04.009 --> 00:03:05.239
I didn't want to do it because we had talked about doing this little intro.

00:03:05.239 --> 00:03:08.225
Oh my gosh, I really thought you forgot, I didn't.

00:03:08.225 --> 00:03:12.687
I had to pull it up Before she says it.

00:03:12.687 --> 00:03:16.669
Y'all this is so close to Jaquita's heart.

00:03:16.669 --> 00:03:23.901
She decided, as a full-grown 28-year-old, to write an essay on the movie.

00:03:23.901 --> 00:03:27.949
I'm going to read an excerpt Okay, this essay.

00:03:28.250 --> 00:03:28.912
Wait a minute.

00:03:28.912 --> 00:03:30.213
Wait a minute, cause I need to.

00:03:30.213 --> 00:03:32.185
I feel like I should provide some context.

00:03:32.185 --> 00:03:33.728
Nevermind, that'll make it worse.

00:03:33.728 --> 00:03:35.292
That'll make it worse, just just read it.

00:03:39.300 --> 00:03:42.306
So I'm going to read a little bit and then I'm going to end it.

00:03:42.306 --> 00:03:47.314
So I'm not reading in in in order, I'm just going to read a couple of lines and I'm going to end it on my favorite line.

00:03:47.314 --> 00:03:48.156
Okay, here we go.

00:03:48.156 --> 00:03:54.991
All right, this movie is not about two people who live next door that fall in love.

00:03:54.991 --> 00:03:56.626
This movie is about options.

00:03:56.626 --> 00:04:02.649
It's the choices we have to make and who we are, about who we are and what we want.

00:04:02.649 --> 00:04:07.687
A lot of us don't want what our parents had, even if they actually had something good.

00:04:07.687 --> 00:04:14.789
We grew up with so many judgments about what's right and wrong and most of those times they don't get corrected until we have to live it out.

00:04:14.789 --> 00:04:15.781
Now.

00:04:15.781 --> 00:04:17.627
This is my favorite line.

00:04:17.627 --> 00:04:24.666
Quincy was fully active on the court and in the love arena Seen through the first half of the film.

00:04:24.666 --> 00:04:28.088
With many girls, quincy had no sacrifices to make.

00:04:28.088 --> 00:04:31.846
He could have love and basketball.

00:04:32.740 --> 00:04:34.406
I really hate you so much right now.

00:04:34.406 --> 00:04:38.826
I really, really.

00:04:38.826 --> 00:04:39.473
I'm sorry.

00:04:39.473 --> 00:04:44.019
I don't like using the word hate, but I greatly dislike you in this moment.

00:04:44.343 --> 00:04:50.629
First of all, all it wasn't until we were preparing for this episode that I knew that this existed.

00:04:50.629 --> 00:05:08.281
And when I tell you the joy and my spirit that happened to know that, that this jewel of an essay was out there in the world, I was like we're gonna give people some of this essay, you know, let me um, listen, unlearned family.

00:05:08.382 --> 00:05:11.511
Okay, you gotta know how much I love you.

00:05:11.511 --> 00:05:26.168
Okay, you gotta know how much I value this community, that I would even offer up you know, this thing that probably me and maybe two other people knew about Okay, it was, it was not.

00:05:26.168 --> 00:05:29.281
It was not supposed to be a public thing, but here we are.

00:05:29.281 --> 00:05:30.447
Listen, everybody.

00:05:30.447 --> 00:05:35.692
We're talking today about the one, the only, loving basketball.

00:05:35.692 --> 00:05:41.052
Okay, loving basketball, one of the best soundtracks out there.

00:05:42.903 --> 00:05:50.887
I just rewatched it it I was like yo, they got some good music on here yo banging soundtrack, listen.

00:05:50.906 --> 00:05:55.740
So now latham omar epps came in, did their thing for the culture.

00:05:55.740 --> 00:05:56.562
You know.

00:05:56.562 --> 00:06:00.713
Now, listen, growing up we all loved this movie.

00:06:00.713 --> 00:06:05.983
Okay, I never remember hearing anything negative about love and basketball growing up.

00:06:05.983 --> 00:06:12.862
You know, all I remember is I was like I just, you know, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta play a man for his heart.

00:06:12.862 --> 00:06:38.334
You know, but when we, you know it's been, you know, if you, if you, are on the interwebs at all, if you're on Instagram, people have gone back, all right, they have reviewed the lessons, the themes of the movie and I feel like we as a culture have unlearned this entire movie Absolutely.

00:06:38.334 --> 00:06:49.391
And I do think, you know, we have to give it some credit, though, you know, for the time period that it was written in and for the things that we thought at the moment.

00:06:49.391 --> 00:06:51.226
You know, listen, still a great movie.

00:06:51.226 --> 00:06:56.132
Y'all not finna, take my movie out the queue, you know what I'm saying.

00:06:56.132 --> 00:06:57.322
Like, I'm still gonna watch it.

00:06:57.322 --> 00:06:57.963
The movie was great.

00:06:58.043 --> 00:06:58.745
The movie was great.

00:06:58.745 --> 00:07:01.913
Yeah, very toxic, very toxic, just want to be clear.

00:07:01.913 --> 00:07:10.180
It was very toxic.

00:07:10.180 --> 00:07:11.446
Just want to be clear it was toxic for a mature person.

00:07:11.446 --> 00:07:12.831
Now you know, I'm saying like, I feel like and I'm not, let me.

00:07:12.831 --> 00:07:23.630
Let me, let me clean that up a bit, not saying that it wasn't toxic, but like in your it, like in in a, in a less mature mindset you, it can, you, you it's like.

00:07:23.630 --> 00:07:24.913
No, like you, you can.

00:07:24.913 --> 00:07:29.846
You could probably identify with a lot of those feelings pretty close you know what.

00:07:30.146 --> 00:07:43.887
I'm saying, like you know there's a lot of, and so I think I think that, as cause, we grew up with it, so we saw it, we were teenagers or you know like, so we, we, we were kind of in that, in that mode.

00:07:43.887 --> 00:08:05.206
However, once you start to live life a little bit and realize it didn't really work that way and like, understand the nuances of you know life and relationships and all this stuff, but you might have to I think we had to grow up a little bit to get it Like in the moment it didn't feel.

00:08:05.706 --> 00:08:07.709
It felt closer to home.

00:08:07.709 --> 00:08:09.452
But you get, you know mature.

00:08:10.920 --> 00:08:26.990
And I think we also have to acknowledge that we, just as people, as a community, have learned so much more about relationships, right, you know, the relationships that we're trying to build today are not the relationships that our grandparents had.

00:08:26.990 --> 00:08:29.942
It's not the relationships that our parents' generations had.

00:08:29.942 --> 00:09:15.875
Every generation has added to the wisdom of what it takes to be in a great relationship, in a great loving relationship, and so we really can't go back and pull movies from 20, 25 years ago and fault them for how they portrayed relationships, because I think one thing that I think we'll talk about as we go through this series is that oftentimes, the art that's expressed is an expression of what's in the culture at that time period, right, and so it's almost like you opened up a time capsule and you're upset that it don't look like the day and it's like listen, no, you know that that was a reflection audience, though it's for a particular audience, is for a young like that was marketed to us who were young.

00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:22.102
It ain't marketed to us.

00:09:22.102 --> 00:09:24.152
That movie was not marketed toward us at the time we were in.

00:09:24.152 --> 00:09:28.785
Just to be clear, that movie was marketed toward the 20 year olds of the day Of that time period.

00:09:29.942 --> 00:09:30.546
When did it come out?

00:09:32.142 --> 00:09:33.866
We middle adults, but we ain't that old.

00:09:34.207 --> 00:09:36.253
It came out when 2000?

00:09:38.059 --> 00:09:38.621
2000.

00:09:38.642 --> 00:09:39.846
Okay, we were in 8th grade.

00:09:39.846 --> 00:09:42.985
So what I'm saying is it wasn't marketed for us.

00:09:42.985 --> 00:09:45.244
No, those types of movies were marketed for.

00:09:45.244 --> 00:09:46.004
They're marketed for us.

00:09:46.004 --> 00:09:47.568
No, those types of movies those movies were marketed for.

00:09:47.568 --> 00:09:48.230
They're marketed for teenagers.

00:09:48.230 --> 00:09:54.942
Those types of movies were marketed for, like, we were in that age group.

00:09:54.942 --> 00:09:55.961
It was not.

00:09:55.961 --> 00:10:03.947
We watched it and they they're saying like, even if like yeah, like okay, teenage, and maybe like 21, 22.

00:10:03.947 --> 00:10:07.808
Like it wasn't, it wasn't supposed to be much further than that.

00:10:08.448 --> 00:10:14.371
Isn't that kind of nefarious, though, like when you think about them making these movies with, you know, 13 and 14 year olds in mind.

00:10:14.371 --> 00:10:19.554
That's what they did, yeah, like we were being groomed, but anyways, it's the industry.

00:10:19.554 --> 00:10:27.835
Nevertheless, you know, hey, middle adults with, go go check what your kids is watching, okay, cause the media is trying to groom them.

00:10:27.835 --> 00:10:37.024
Okay, and we don't love and basketball jacked up my whole relationship history Okay, which we'll talk about in a minute.

00:10:37.024 --> 00:10:45.465
But you know, really, really pay attention to what they're watching, cause we were definitely 13 watching this, that's my point.

00:10:45.524 --> 00:11:00.701
I think that the, the mindset of the, of the, of the, the market and the crowd that was watching this would have seen it as something to aspire to, because you were in a mindset where you wouldn't have known anything better.

00:11:00.701 --> 00:11:24.950
And so now that we've grown up and lived a little life and gotten more mature, we look back and it's like, oh no, that was crazy, and that you know, and other movies that came out, but, like you know, so I just think to your point, we got to give it, give it credit for what it's due, for what it's due, but also recognize that most of us that are doing the criticizing were the ones that was marketed to in an immature state.

00:11:24.950 --> 00:11:27.945
Yeah, now we've grown and we see differently.

00:11:28.787 --> 00:11:40.148
Yeah, and it's literally something that we lived out and we was like, oh, that was trash, and a lot of our stories did not end up like Monica and Quincy and won't, Okay, and that's what.

00:11:40.148 --> 00:11:41.289
That's what I think.

00:11:41.289 --> 00:11:56.225
That's why people are mad now, Cause they looking at their life and they're like I went, I stood by that man from 20 years ago, you know, derailed my whole future trying to get him and it didn't work out Like Monica got her man.

00:11:56.225 --> 00:11:59.212
You know, Monica McCall.

00:11:59.212 --> 00:12:00.220
What was her name?

00:12:00.220 --> 00:12:04.486
I don't remember, but yes, Anyways, his name was Quincy McCall.

00:12:05.682 --> 00:12:08.908
She got her man and her career and her child.

00:12:08.908 --> 00:12:14.923
She got the whole package off of some tomfoolery, but anyways, we'll get there, we'll get there, we'll get there.

00:12:16.722 --> 00:12:18.389
But I do think we can start.

00:12:18.389 --> 00:12:23.927
So if you haven't seen the movie because, let's face it, there's some people out here who have not seen the movie that's okay.

00:12:27.299 --> 00:12:28.951
And the movie, because, let's face it, there's some people out here who have not seen the movie.

00:12:28.951 --> 00:12:29.149
That's okay.

00:12:29.149 --> 00:12:29.674
Well, you haven't seen and I want you to.

00:12:29.674 --> 00:12:29.769
I want you.

00:12:29.769 --> 00:12:31.186
If you have not seen this movie, I'd love for you to dm me.

00:12:31.186 --> 00:12:34.344
I'd like to have a one-on-one conversation with you, uh, to figure out, you know, wait, what else you miss.

00:12:34.364 --> 00:12:38.947
We are not we are not here to judge your queen.

00:12:38.947 --> 00:12:42.451
If the people didn't see the movie, they didn't see the movie, so sorry y'all.

00:12:42.451 --> 00:12:43.912
This is one of my faves, so we.

00:12:43.912 --> 00:12:44.932
So the movie's broken up.

00:12:44.932 --> 00:12:47.174
It is about it is about love and basketball.

00:12:47.174 --> 00:12:50.282
It is about a couple, um uh, who grow up.

00:12:50.282 --> 00:12:51.086
Well, it's about a couple.

00:12:51.086 --> 00:12:55.105
They eventually become a couple that start off as best friends, neighbors, as kids.

00:12:55.105 --> 00:12:56.129
They grew up together.

00:12:56.129 --> 00:12:59.681
They both played, they were frenemies, they were, you know, they were very competitive.

00:12:59.681 --> 00:13:00.682
They both play basketball.

00:13:00.682 --> 00:13:06.293
Um, in this case, the girl was like more passionate about basketball than than the boy.

00:13:06.293 --> 00:13:16.014
Girl's name is monica, boy's name is quincy, and so they were in a uh.

00:13:16.014 --> 00:13:18.421
No, I'm sorry, you threw me off at your face, you wanted to.

00:13:18.421 --> 00:13:28.774
You don't think she was more passionate it uh, come back to me what okay, I, I just would not have termed it like that.

00:13:29.436 --> 00:13:34.792
I think I mean we can talk about in the in the first first one.

00:13:34.792 --> 00:13:43.258
I don't know, I just I that's not how I would have described it.

00:13:43.258 --> 00:13:44.879
I think that's something that he discovered later.

00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:45.053
I don't think that that's how I, that's not how I would have described it.

00:13:45.053 --> 00:13:45.342
I think that's something that he discovered later.

00:13:45.342 --> 00:13:51.509
I don't think that that's how we entered into the movie with with him, less passionate than her about basketball.

00:13:51.509 --> 00:13:55.405
She, just her identity was so wrapped up in it.

00:13:55.405 --> 00:14:02.269
But anyways, that's why I didn't want to say nothing, cause it's you know all right.

00:14:02.770 --> 00:14:19.611
So so you have two people and two, two kids, and they're very, um, they love basketball, they're really competitive, they are, um, kind of you know, frenemies and they grew up together, and so the movie is actually broken up, broken up into four different quarters, all right.

00:14:19.611 --> 00:14:28.389
So it kind of goes through their life, from kids to adults, and tracks their relationships individually and together.

00:14:28.389 --> 00:14:42.091
So what we're going to do is we're going to each take one of those quarters, talk a little bit about, like you know, what happens in it, and then pull out the thing that we think is important to unlearn from each one of those.

00:14:42.091 --> 00:14:58.530
And so we're going to start with quarter one, right, and I think and quinta kind of you alluded to it, um, when you were saying, when you alluded to her in your earlier comments like this idea of she had she, she ended up getting it all right.

00:14:58.530 --> 00:15:03.751
It was like you got, you know, you got the man, you got your dream, you got your baby, you got everything.

00:15:04.553 --> 00:15:14.611
And throughout the entire movie, starting from the beginning, there was this tension with I, I want the.

00:15:14.611 --> 00:15:18.101
You know, I want to play ball, I want the career, I want the.

00:15:18.101 --> 00:15:19.783
I'm a baller, you know, I'm a.

00:15:19.783 --> 00:15:23.349
She said that so many times.

00:15:23.349 --> 00:15:27.494
Right, yeah, it's like I I'm doing, like I want to do that.

00:15:28.254 --> 00:15:48.333
And there was also this, this tension with growing up with a mom who was very much the opposite of that right and so she's grown up in a house where she has these dreams, but they're not supported by her mother figure, who would rather her wear dresses and, you know, put on makeup and do all.

00:15:48.333 --> 00:15:52.346
Do be more girly and like her older sister, like her older sister, right.

00:15:52.346 --> 00:16:10.563
So I think that, um and I say this, I can identify, I could identify very, very much with this character take your time here I was not interested at all in any and like any of the stuff that my mom wanted me to be interested in.

00:16:10.985 --> 00:16:13.451
Just like monica, I wanted to play sports.

00:16:13.451 --> 00:16:15.764
I wanted to wear shorts, t-shirts.

00:16:15.764 --> 00:16:16.866
I want to.

00:16:16.866 --> 00:16:19.154
I wanted to do what the boys did.

00:16:19.154 --> 00:16:42.303
I just felt like they had it easier and I didn't have to work as hard and I could have more fun, and I just didn't understand why I had to do this other stuff Right, and so I had tension with my mom in that, I mean, there was a, there was a moment we I think there was some dance and I needed a dress and we went to the store to get one and we both walked out the store crying because we just could not get it together.

00:16:42.825 --> 00:16:44.667
I was upset about what I had to wear.

00:16:44.667 --> 00:16:47.350
She didn't want, she didn't like that.

00:16:47.350 --> 00:16:49.033
I was upset, she was mad about all this.

00:16:49.033 --> 00:16:49.815
So it was just a whole thing.

00:16:49.815 --> 00:17:03.404
So I totally get where this character was coming from and I also think that one of the most important things that we have that I had to unlearn.

00:17:03.404 --> 00:17:21.540
It was like I grew up thinking it had to be either or right and I had to either follow my dream, if you, if you will like, as a child, right Doing the things I want to do, um doing the activities I wanted to do, or I had to do what my mom wanted me to do.

00:17:21.540 --> 00:17:23.423
Right, which was something.

00:17:23.503 --> 00:17:26.407
I didn't really want to be yeah, so it's.

00:17:26.587 --> 00:17:42.125
It was hard, but I think the thing that, as I grew up and understood, is that, no, like it's not an either or it's a both, and like there is a, there is a Ruth Abigail that exists in all of this, in all of this world.

00:17:42.185 --> 00:18:11.594
Right, it's, it doesn't have, you, don't have to choose, um, and so I just have to find myself in it, and I think that the movie it tracks that right with her is finding her full self and understanding it doesn't have to be either, or I could be my full self, and it it shows a pretty picture of the end of that story, although it is not that simple, right yeah and so we can get there when we get there.

00:18:11.935 --> 00:18:18.893
But I think that's one of the things we have, that that that we can unlearn from that is like it's not an either or situation.

00:18:18.893 --> 00:18:25.511
Like you're, you're who you are, is who you are, and that's gonna look different in different seasons.

00:18:25.511 --> 00:18:34.364
Uh, because with different roles in your life, different passions come to play, and so you know it's not, it's not, it's not a thing we have to pick.

00:18:34.364 --> 00:18:35.446
I have to be this.

00:18:36.107 --> 00:18:37.391
No you don't like you're.

00:18:37.431 --> 00:18:52.619
You're more complex than that but I think, you know, the movie spends so much of kind of like that first quarter of the movie, like, really like, laying out the different gender roles and representations that are there.

00:18:52.619 --> 00:19:05.548
And like you know, like you have, like you know, her mom, who's cute and prissy and ironing clothes and all she's always she's usually in the kitchen in the movie or got something in her hands that she's doing.

00:19:05.548 --> 00:19:12.948
You know, like her dad specifically, yes, like, and so it is very much a I serve your father.

00:19:12.948 --> 00:19:18.680
You know, I, I, I'm trying to raise y'all up to be this type of woman.

00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:22.567
And then you have Quincy's mom, who did the fake and bake.

00:19:22.567 --> 00:19:30.275
You know, like I'm just gonna go buy me a cake and I'm, you know, living a little posh over here with my big ball of husband.

00:19:30.275 --> 00:19:32.903
You know, in the beginning of the movie we'll get to the rest.

00:19:32.903 --> 00:19:52.272
I know y'all that know the movie like we getting there Right, and so you know, like there's just this display of what does it mean to be a woman, like, what does it mean to be feminine, and I think that for me, growing up, that was definitely something that I had to unlearn because I was five, 11.

00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:59.680
Luckily I had, I had all male friends, um, and from eighth grade and up I was surrounded by guys.

00:19:59.680 --> 00:20:02.821
Luckily they hit growth spurts, because I was really worried.

00:20:02.821 --> 00:20:07.424
In the eighth grade I was like all right, I'm 5'10 and y'all are like 5'6, please.

00:20:07.424 --> 00:20:13.688
And then one summer, one summer, they shot up and I was like we're going to be all right, we're going to be okay.

00:20:13.688 --> 00:20:16.930
But you know I struggle with words.

00:20:16.930 --> 00:20:24.474
Like you know, don't be intimidating and you know, don't be overbearing and don't have too much personality.

00:20:24.474 --> 00:20:40.045
Because in my mind, being feminine meant being hidden, it meant being small and it meant being just kind of like squished down, like a squished down version of myself.

00:20:40.184 --> 00:20:53.333
And I think the thing that Monica learned, that I had to also learn, was that I could be all of the different pieces of myself and still be great at my great thing.

00:20:53.333 --> 00:20:57.215
You know she felt like she had in order to be a ball player.

00:20:57.215 --> 00:21:00.178
I'm a ball player, she says that so many times in the movie.

00:21:00.178 --> 00:21:06.128
So it's like girl chill, girl chill, chillax, you know.

00:21:06.128 --> 00:21:13.230
But even also when we were in high school, like you know, like you kind of get sequestered into like certain little sex.

00:21:13.230 --> 00:21:19.769
Yeah, like you know, sex x, e, c, t, s, we got it okay, I really felt like I needed to.

00:21:19.829 --> 00:21:28.823
It's okay, spell that out for the saints, but you know like you got like your athletes you you got your band people, you got your nerds, you got your.

00:21:28.823 --> 00:21:31.478
You know the people who just kind of hang out in the hall.

00:21:31.478 --> 00:21:45.048
You know like you have just different groups of people and so learning how to be identified outside of a group I think are outside of like this prescribed identity, I think it's something that we all have to unlearn.

00:21:45.740 --> 00:21:50.132
That's a lot of times, not just your family or the people closest to you, but society will put on you.

00:21:50.132 --> 00:21:57.832
You know, and I think that's it's something that, like you said, we all go through and we do have to you grow it.

00:21:57.993 --> 00:22:18.310
You have a choice you can grow deeper into that kind of singularity or you can grow and learn more about who you are and kind of grow beyond that um yeah, and so I think, I think, I think, yeah, yeah, all right all right, I'm gonna transition to the next one by kind of pulling a theme from the beginning that goes into the second one.

00:22:18.310 --> 00:22:32.375
Sorry, I'm adding something real quick, but I think that aesthetics is such a huge part of this movie, like the way that we look, you know it was the way her hair was done, or the way what she was wearing, or how she showed up.

00:22:32.375 --> 00:22:37.984
That was really like, oh, you know, you know you don't dress up like.

00:22:37.984 --> 00:22:44.029
You know Gabrielle Union's character or you know you're not, you know putting yourself out there in a certain way.

00:22:44.029 --> 00:22:57.019
And I think that when we get by the time we get to the second quarter, like that is something that like she's really like kind of battling with like her hair, yeah Right, like she's a ball I'm a ball player, you know she's a ball player.

00:22:57.019 --> 00:22:59.483
So you know she got the corner, she got a straight back.

00:22:59.483 --> 00:23:03.151
Like she's like hey, lena, put them straight backs in.

00:23:03.151 --> 00:23:03.691
You know I got the.

00:23:03.691 --> 00:23:05.494
You know I got the game tonight, you know.

00:23:05.494 --> 00:23:25.617
And then when she gets to the point where it's OK, now I got to get ready to go to the dance, she has to find a new aesthetic to fit kind of this version of herself, that wants to date and that wants to be seen and recognized and celebrated by men and by, you know, other women.

00:23:25.738 --> 00:23:40.339
And I think that when we think about just like the aesthetics of how we show up, like a lot of times we want to show up in a certain way and sometimes we try to show up in a way that helps us to be more easily accepted.

00:23:40.339 --> 00:23:42.105
So, anyways, that just hit me.

00:23:42.105 --> 00:23:50.432
But by the time we get to quarter two, all right, we're now like senior year, high school, right, quincy's doing his thing, he like the big ball player.

00:23:50.432 --> 00:23:52.845
His daddy is a famous ball player.

00:23:52.845 --> 00:23:56.231
So you know Quincy comes in and he's like that guy.

00:23:56.231 --> 00:24:00.125
You know, like he got press conferences like where's Quincy McCall going?

00:24:00.125 --> 00:24:08.664
You know everybody want to know what he going, to, what he going, where he gonna go right, and uh, monica fighting for her life yes out here.

00:24:08.724 --> 00:24:20.362
You know she is barely getting seen by recruiters, um, and I think the thing that stands out the most is that her I'm a ball player like every time she says that.

00:24:20.362 --> 00:24:29.049
Oh yeah, the little cheerleaders in the uh saying U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, yeah, yeah, you ugly.

00:24:29.049 --> 00:24:31.209
I love that.

00:24:31.209 --> 00:24:38.943
Listen, these cheerleaders side note these cheerleaders now with the chants in the stands they be hitting so hard.

00:24:38.943 --> 00:24:43.696
Shout out to the I like the little knock if you buck cheer thing.

00:24:43.696 --> 00:24:48.186
We got going on, but anyways, you know Monica fighting for her life out there.

00:24:48.186 --> 00:24:51.319
You know every, every point, every bit of recognition.

00:24:51.319 --> 00:24:52.542
She's good.

00:24:52.542 --> 00:24:54.446
You can tell that her team is leaning on her.

00:24:54.446 --> 00:24:58.924
But she got a little bit of anger issue and it's, it's, it's not.

00:24:58.924 --> 00:25:02.772
She's not angry because of basketball, but she doesn't realize that yet.

00:25:02.772 --> 00:25:08.651
Like she doesn't realize that, like she's carrying, carrying these, these uh themes of anger.

00:25:08.651 --> 00:25:19.317
And it comes out later in the movie where she like goes off on her mom about something, like you know, and like you know, like she's angry because she doesn't feel accepted it, and but she hasn't put all this together.

00:25:19.317 --> 00:25:23.887
She's getting it all out, everything that she has she's getting out in the game.

00:25:23.887 --> 00:25:33.012
But it's also causing her not to get recruited because every time, you know, she faces a hard situation, she's blowing up.

00:25:33.012 --> 00:25:40.260
And so, Quincy, on a wonderful ride home, where the man tells her that who you taking to the dance, the homecoming dance?

00:25:40.260 --> 00:25:42.422
Spaulding, which was disrespectful, okay, it was disrespectful.

00:25:42.422 --> 00:25:46.205
Dan Spaulding, which was disrespectful, disrespectful, okay, it was disrespectful, it was very disrespectful.

00:25:46.205 --> 00:26:08.788
But he basically tells her you know, like you're not going to get recruited because of your attitude, yeah, and you know, she, you know, goes off, goes back, goes off, goes literally Just like, proves his point, it's like reminding him of some scar hitting him, like she is upset about it, but it's like, you know, for the things.

00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:20.228
I think the thing that I had to unlearn about that is that a lot of times we think that we can get to the places we're aiming for based off of our gift and off of our talent.

00:26:20.228 --> 00:26:30.313
Yeah, but if you don't have the character that can carry the weight of what your, what your ambition is, your ambition will fall through every time.

00:26:30.313 --> 00:26:31.535
That's right, right.

00:26:31.535 --> 00:26:33.508
And so she gets in these games.

00:26:33.508 --> 00:26:45.450
She gets, she gets to the most important game of her career, of her high school career, and she blows up Yep, right, and, and and loses her head and it causes her to lose the game.

00:26:45.450 --> 00:26:46.772
Yeah, I mean.

00:26:46.772 --> 00:27:06.753
And so I think that that was something that I really had to unlearn in my twenties, because I I was trying to lead with what I thought I was good at or what I thought would be the thing that would get me to the next level, and I had to unlearn that success is not dependent on what I can do.

00:27:06.753 --> 00:27:09.366
Success is dependent on who I'm willing to become.

00:27:09.468 --> 00:27:32.080
Yes, yes, and I think she, the, the, the, her, her attitude again, like you said, reflected what was really going on inside of her, and anytime like and I think I you know this is something that I've learned as a leader is is you learn to look at people.

00:27:32.080 --> 00:27:39.982
Um, you learn to look past the gifts of people when, when you're a leader, right, yes, um.

00:27:39.982 --> 00:28:02.880
And so for those of you that are leaders, or those of you that um are under particular leadership, uh, particularly those that are under leadership, you know that you might respect or you have, you have leaders that you look up to understand that the good leaders of which I personally aspire to beat you, right, um, they look past your gift.

00:28:03.580 --> 00:28:15.651
I really try to tell uh, I try to tell my team that a lot is you know, I know, like what you, what you're capable of, um, and what you can do.

00:28:15.651 --> 00:28:22.671
It's like, ah, that's great, like I'm, I and I'm, but I, really, I am more concerned about your character.

00:28:22.671 --> 00:28:23.753
I'm more concerned about your attitude.

00:28:23.753 --> 00:28:25.559
I'm more concerned about things I can't teach you.

00:28:26.049 --> 00:28:30.160
Honestly when you walk into a space skills and gifts.

00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:31.611
You can teach that Now.

00:28:31.611 --> 00:28:42.124
You may not ever be the best at a thing, but what really makes people thrive at what they do is not their gift.

00:28:43.090 --> 00:28:47.829
It is their character, because it's going to take high character, high integrity.

00:28:47.829 --> 00:29:02.458
It's going to take an ability to control your emotions, to move through things consistently and with longevity and, at the end of the day, a leader wants to know that you can move through difficult times.

00:29:02.458 --> 00:29:05.303
That's if, if, if.

00:29:05.303 --> 00:29:10.541
Every time a hard time comes up and I got to worry about how you going to be, I don't want you on my team.

00:29:10.541 --> 00:29:12.993
Yo, I don't want you on my team.

00:29:12.993 --> 00:29:15.359
I don't have time for that, right, and so.

00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:37.592
I think, and so as as as people who are under leadership or or look to or aspire to be leaders, like hey, in any capacity, like you being concerned about how somebody is going to respond when I'm, when a hard moment comes, it's not something you want on your back, because you've got a million other things to do and to pay attention to and a million decisions to make.

00:29:37.592 --> 00:30:00.682
And so if you can take that off of the plate of your leader by saying I'm going to make sure that my spirit, my soul is right, so that when things do come up that are hard and challenging and they will that I don't put that burden on the person that's leading to have to manage that about me.

00:30:01.663 --> 00:30:01.884
Yeah.

00:30:02.511 --> 00:30:04.499
That is a gift to people who are leaders.

00:30:05.390 --> 00:30:09.997
Listen, one that's such a great leadership tip.

00:30:09.997 --> 00:30:20.141
Okay, because I do think that, as we are growing in our leadership, that was something that I would tell my team every time is my job.

00:30:20.141 --> 00:30:21.810
You're already good at what you do.

00:30:21.810 --> 00:30:27.442
If I left you alone and I wasn't here, you would still be good at what you do.

00:30:27.442 --> 00:30:33.192
That is what I hired good people and I knew that they would be good at what they did.

00:30:33.874 --> 00:30:42.154
My job was I'm always developing you for the room you're going to sit in next, not the thing you're going to do next.

00:30:42.154 --> 00:30:47.012
I'm developing you to be able to sit in the next room, in the higher room.

00:30:47.012 --> 00:31:08.924
I want to give you insight into what it takes to sit at the next level, and so in every conversation that I had and in every moment that I had to impart, my mind was focused on how can I build them to be in the room that they're going to next.

00:31:08.924 --> 00:31:22.099
So it wasn't, oh man, you just so amazing at what you're doing, you're so great and absolutely that, like you have to be able to affirm like you can't, you can't lead from a place of you're never good enough.

00:31:22.099 --> 00:31:24.873
You know like, no, like you, you have to.

00:31:24.873 --> 00:31:30.415
You have to affirm what they have, so that because that's helping them to build their toolkit right.

00:31:30.616 --> 00:31:38.330
I needed to be affirmed in my ability to speak and energize a room and and to bring people together and build community.

00:31:38.330 --> 00:31:40.335
I needed to be affirmed in that.

00:31:40.335 --> 00:31:46.510
But I also needed to be built up to supervise, which was a whole different beast.

00:31:46.510 --> 00:31:55.376
Right Now I'm having to build up to be an administrator, which is not not my forte, you know, but as a leader.

00:31:55.376 --> 00:32:02.721
As a leader, it has been a gift to both receive and to and to give out.

00:32:02.721 --> 00:32:11.886
You know the, the gift of becoming Like, let me help you become rather than celebrating what you have.

00:32:11.886 --> 00:32:24.502
And I think by the time we get to the next quarter, I think Monica really started to understand that when she got to a place that was bigger than what she where she was and she had to grow.

00:32:24.809 --> 00:32:30.741
Yeah and uh, and I think that's so moving into the third quarter is when they go to college.

00:32:30.741 --> 00:32:38.532
Right, and to what you said, queda, the affirmation piece.

00:32:38.532 --> 00:32:42.299
You know if those of you that have been on a sports team, you know you got.

00:32:42.299 --> 00:32:52.290
If a great coach is going to coach you and coach the job of the coach is not to always let me say it like this Her, her affirmation was getting on the team.

00:32:52.290 --> 00:32:57.821
That was your affirmation, like you're here and so what.

00:32:57.821 --> 00:33:01.153
But what she wanted was was praise, which is two different things.

00:33:01.153 --> 00:33:05.262
Right, she wanted praise for all the things.

00:33:05.262 --> 00:33:07.835
She wanted the accolades, she wanted the applauses.

00:33:07.835 --> 00:33:28.277
Her affirmation that you're good enough was because you're here Now I got to coach you, and coaches, the best coaches, pull out things you didn't know you had right, it's not them praising you for what you know you have, it's pulling stuff out, and anytime somebody pulls things out, it can be kind of tough.

00:33:28.317 --> 00:33:29.500
So she went through that right.

00:33:29.500 --> 00:33:31.634
Time somebody pulls things out, it can be kind of tough.

00:33:31.634 --> 00:33:44.454
So she went through that right, and her coach was riding her and, as she was feeling herself, her coach was like okay, there's a scene right when she, uh, in practice, where she, um, she shoots right and she makes this, they're scrimmaging.

00:33:44.454 --> 00:33:52.781
And she shoots and she makes a three and she stands there feeling herself and her man goes back and scores because she wasn't defending him.

00:33:52.781 --> 00:34:00.183
And so coach blows the whistle and says your man just scored.

00:34:00.183 --> 00:34:02.557
And she looked at her crazy.

00:34:02.557 --> 00:34:05.499
And then the coach was like, show me again.

00:34:05.499 --> 00:34:09.601
So she put her hand up there, show me again, so you like it so much.

00:34:09.601 --> 00:34:23.003
And so she made her stand over there with her little pose in front of her whole team and she was humiliated because you didn't understand that you need coaching.

00:34:23.003 --> 00:34:26.695
You don't need praise, you need coaching, yo listen.

00:34:26.949 --> 00:34:38.266
So I think something that I teach all the time is that, as you are trying to go from one level to the other, is that you need mentorship, slash coaching.

00:34:38.266 --> 00:34:40.960
And mentors deal with potential.

00:34:40.960 --> 00:34:42.364
They don't deal with greatness.

00:34:42.364 --> 00:34:47.242
Yeah, like they are not there to celebrate and give room for your greatness.

00:34:47.242 --> 00:35:10.905
They are there to cultivate and to to dig out everything that threatens your potential, and so they are constantly going to be on you about the things that I was like if your mentor don't get on your nerves, if your mentor ain't bringing out the deep, dark, ugly stuff that's in there, you ain't got a good mentor, you got an encourager.

00:35:10.905 --> 00:35:12.010
You have a supporter.

00:35:12.010 --> 00:35:21.972
You need the whole squad, but get you somebody, put people, and I think that that was something that I had to learn.

00:35:21.972 --> 00:35:29.574
I had to learn to appreciate it, because I was like Monica, I was like get him off my case.

00:35:29.574 --> 00:35:33.871
You brought me, me here, so you obviously think I'm good enough.

00:35:33.871 --> 00:35:37.822
Why you got so much to say like, leave me alone.

00:35:37.862 --> 00:35:41.954
You know every, at every turn, she was pulling monica forward.

00:35:41.954 --> 00:35:44.885
Yes, monica, point guards lead from the front, not the back.

00:35:44.885 --> 00:35:46.431
You know monica had to run to the front.

00:35:46.431 --> 00:35:55.295
Monica, you know like and my, my absolute favorite line of the movie is after Monica finally has her breakthrough moment.

00:35:55.295 --> 00:36:13.764
You know, like she finally gets to the point where she, like you know, she, she started in a game because the other player broke her ankle and, um, now she started in the game, has a good game, saves the game, you know, with a defensive block, not by shooting, by taking a hit, you know.

00:36:13.764 --> 00:36:27.391
And so you know, she goes up to her coach and finally, that praise that she's been waiting for, like she finally has, like this moment where the, where the coach is like, you know, good game, way to ball, yeah.

00:36:27.391 --> 00:36:27.833
And.

00:36:27.833 --> 00:36:30.159
And she says I thought you hated me, yeah.

00:36:30.690 --> 00:36:34.592
And the coach says do you think I go horse for a player with no potential?

00:36:34.592 --> 00:36:36.356
When I ignore you?

00:36:36.356 --> 00:36:37.157
That's when you worry.

00:36:37.157 --> 00:36:57.204
That's when you worry, right, because for every man you can ask, especially like those that are closest to me, every person that I know that God has assigned to my life to pour into, I am like, hey, listen, I stay asking the Lord what's next for them?

00:36:57.204 --> 00:37:00.373
What can I impart in them to get them to their next level?

00:37:00.373 --> 00:37:07.793
Because at no point do I want to get to a point, and I think this is not in the movie, but it's important.

00:37:08.715 --> 00:37:18.420
As a leader, if I want to pull you along, I have to make sure that I'm surrendered in those same areas of my life that I'm trying to pull you in.

00:37:18.420 --> 00:37:22.818
I can't just be like I go horse because you got potential and I went.

00:37:22.818 --> 00:37:30.146
When somebody is recognizing what needs to be pulled at me, what needs to be developed in me, I don't surrender and I have the same attitude you have.

00:37:30.146 --> 00:37:36.161
Right, and I'm sitting there like you hired me, didn't you you, you you call me, didn't you?

00:37:36.161 --> 00:37:43.250
You know I'm good If I have that attitude, the attitude that I have will ultimately reflect in my players.

00:37:43.250 --> 00:37:46.599
Right, because it goes from the head down.

00:37:46.599 --> 00:37:52.090
Right, and so you can't be passionate about mentoring others and you don't want to be mentored yourself.

00:37:52.130 --> 00:37:52.492
You got it.

00:37:52.492 --> 00:37:54.637
Yes, you need every, every.

00:37:54.637 --> 00:37:58.335
Every coach needs a coach, every mentor needs a mentor, like that's for sure.

00:37:58.335 --> 00:37:59.039
You gotta have that.

00:37:59.039 --> 00:38:00.543
So so, so.

00:38:00.543 --> 00:38:05.193
So we've been talking a lot about Monica, but the third quarter is also a very pivotal quarter for Quincy.

00:38:05.193 --> 00:38:08.398
Okay, so Quincy swear it got deep.

00:38:08.398 --> 00:38:28.936
Quincy, you know, we, we, you remember he's, he's, uh, his father is a a professional basketball player and he and he and his, uh, he and his wife are going through some things there is a um, there is a, a paternity test out there for whether or not Quincy's dad you know what I'm saying Stepped out.

00:38:28.956 --> 00:38:30.222
You know, know I'm saying stepped out.

00:38:30.222 --> 00:38:38.222
You know I'm saying had another child right, and so quincy finds out and and and his dad is like no son.

00:38:38.222 --> 00:38:39.583
You know that wasn't me.

00:38:39.583 --> 00:38:41.617
You have what you would say, what he said.

00:38:41.617 --> 00:38:42.942
You had the balls to ask me that.

00:38:43.121 --> 00:38:48.222
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I'm like come on, man you gonna ask me that you know.

00:38:48.543 --> 00:38:52.813
And so he, he tells him that ain't me, man, like you know, I didn't do that, I would never do that.

00:38:52.813 --> 00:38:53.416
X, y, z.

00:38:53.416 --> 00:38:55.356
So then he, quincy, goes back home to his mom.

00:38:55.356 --> 00:39:05.434
Mom is sitting there drunk, crying, and In the dark by the pool, like he's, like mama, you alright.

00:39:05.735 --> 00:39:13.257
And she said you know something, they, you know something, they get into it.

00:39:13.257 --> 00:39:14.849
Because he was like you mean you gonna believe that, whatever he calls the girl.

00:39:14.849 --> 00:39:18.028
And she said you know.

00:39:18.028 --> 00:39:19.273
He said don't you be telling me?

00:39:19.273 --> 00:39:22.329
You know you be telling me about all these girls.

00:39:22.329 --> 00:39:24.873
And she said I should have been telling your father that.

00:39:24.873 --> 00:39:25.942
So they went all of a sudden.

00:39:25.942 --> 00:39:26.889
I just watched this movie.

00:39:26.889 --> 00:39:34.467
So so they go through all of this.

00:39:34.467 --> 00:39:41.181
And so, anyway, she gives him and throws the, the paternity test out, and he finds out pop, stepped out, had a kid.

00:39:41.181 --> 00:39:48.159
So now see, cause Quincy was all about I want to be just like my dad, I just want to be just like my dad, I want to be just like my dad.

00:39:48.159 --> 00:39:55.297
And uh, and so he finds out and he's just, he's crushed, he's devastated, right, um.

00:39:55.297 --> 00:40:05.842
And so he and Monica have this moment, um, that uh, where, where he really needed her to be there for him, and she is.

00:40:05.842 --> 00:40:11.039
She's there, but also has to make sure she handles her responsibilities.

00:40:18.730 --> 00:40:19.932
And so um so that it's love and basketball now?

00:40:19.932 --> 00:40:21.536
All right, okay, okay, there's both like attention, attention, attention.

00:40:21.536 --> 00:40:22.978
Can you feel it, can you feel?

00:40:22.998 --> 00:40:23.039
it.

00:40:23.059 --> 00:40:32.572
Okay, so, um, this is what I think is important to unlearn, uh, from this quarter is that, uh, we have to unlearn that relationships will stay the way they started.

00:40:35.994 --> 00:40:53.530
Relationships will very rarely stay the way they started yeah um, and so that is with him and his dad, with his dad and his mom, what he and monica right, my lord and basketball right get in there.

00:40:53.530 --> 00:41:06.860
All of these relationships are going through transitions and what quincy could not handle is the transition Monica was having with her career in college.

00:41:06.860 --> 00:41:31.534
He didn't handle that and she couldn't understand and didn't know how to support him in the transition of the relationship with he and his dad right, and so it affected their relationship, which now is there's, there's beginning a transition there because they're trying to figure out what she's trying to figure out, like how do I support at this time?

00:41:31.534 --> 00:41:33.608
By the way, they are dating at this point, all right.

00:41:33.608 --> 00:41:38.606
I don't know if we said that we really skipped over that because I really didn't want to hit that little bedroom scene.

00:41:38.626 --> 00:41:41.963
Okay, y'all done, talked about it enough.

00:41:44.715 --> 00:41:49.054
But they're a full blown couple, they're together and all this stuff, and so she really didn't know how to be there for him.

00:41:49.054 --> 00:42:01.603
So, anyway, you gotta know like relationships rarely, rarely, rarely, um stay how they start, and you have to know, like okay, how it's important to understand.

00:42:01.603 --> 00:42:04.637
How do you, how do I properly transition?

00:42:05.759 --> 00:42:26.161
with people in relation as as I'm transitioning myself, I think we would be remiss because I think the the scene where they're in the bleachers late at night, monica's looking at the clock, quincy's pouring his heart out about his dad I think that's such a pivotal scene in the movie.

00:42:26.161 --> 00:42:41.505
That's kind of like the climax where it's like Monica is growing in basketball but Quincy is like kind of coming down off of basketball because he's also starting to realize basketball and my pops were the same right.

00:42:41.505 --> 00:43:03.489
And I think that we get to a point in our lives, especially in the transition from young adulthood to middle adulthood, where we start dropping things off because we realize that something in my life was not connected to my original design, something else got in my box because of an influence that I no longer am trusting.

00:43:03.489 --> 00:43:10.829
Once the influence of that person is gone, am I still connected to this thing?

00:43:10.829 --> 00:43:21.454
And he's not only facing the breakup of his parents, he's also facing his breakup with basketball because of his breakup with his dad.

00:43:21.454 --> 00:43:23.585
That's right breakup with basketball because of his breakup with his dad and Monica.

00:43:23.585 --> 00:43:28.663
I think sometimes you know he's sitting there and he's trying to express himself.

00:43:29.264 --> 00:43:38.177
But I think something that's important to note in relationships we don't often feel the weight of what other people are really carrying.

00:43:38.177 --> 00:43:42.967
You know, in that moment she has her own tension and she's carrying.

00:43:42.967 --> 00:43:48.280
He was great on the basketball court and celebrated in basketball.

00:43:48.280 --> 00:44:09.306
She's having to work for every inch of her respect and she's right at her own critical turning point while he's at a turning point, and it's like they're turning in different directions and and so in that moment they both had choices to make and that was a moment where you can say what you want to say.

00:44:09.306 --> 00:44:11.219
And I know, I know he could have.

00:44:11.219 --> 00:44:12.342
He could have called on the phone.

00:44:12.342 --> 00:44:13.706
They ain't had face time back then.

00:44:13.706 --> 00:44:15.840
Nope, you know he could have went to her room.

00:44:15.840 --> 00:44:17.184
I don't really want to be around people.

00:44:17.184 --> 00:44:25.728
Sir, we're gonna have like a middle point could be, could be found somewhere, somehow right.

00:44:25.728 --> 00:44:39.458
But I think that because neither one of them recognized or respected the moment that they were in, because they hit at the same time, they both mishandled each other.

00:44:43.141 --> 00:44:52.311
Yep, yep, yeah, I think I think one of the key points here is, like you know how, what are the key questions to answer?

00:44:52.311 --> 00:45:17.655
And and this this is kind of you see the results of not doing this in the fourth quarter of the movie is um, how do I, how do I prepare for a transition like that, cause that's going to happen, like whatever relationships you're in right now, whatever, whatever they are family spouse, kids, whatever, like the way they start isn't how they're going to stay.

00:45:17.715 --> 00:45:18.896
So what do I need to do?

00:45:18.896 --> 00:45:20.856
How do I need to transition to that?

00:45:20.856 --> 00:45:21.235
And I honestly day.

00:45:21.235 --> 00:45:21.456
So what do?

00:45:21.476 --> 00:45:21.735
I need to do.

00:45:21.735 --> 00:45:22.036
How do I need?

00:45:22.056 --> 00:45:32.199
to transition to that and I honestly one thing, the most important thing, two things is number one expect it and communicate about it beforehand.

00:45:33.340 --> 00:45:54.407
You don't need to be caught by surprise Like expect the transition, expect it you may not know what's going to cause a transition, but you know it's going to happen and then establish healthy communication patterns so that, when it does happen, you don't have to like you know how to handle that with your words and not just your feelings.

00:45:54.407 --> 00:46:06.911
And so I think that is very, very important as we, as we as we think about what it looks like to handle relationships and big transitional moments.

00:46:06.971 --> 00:46:08.911
So as we move to the fourth quarter.

00:46:08.911 --> 00:46:13.612
We kind of see like they didn't do that well and we kind of see the fruit of what that looks like.

00:46:14.413 --> 00:46:44.097
Yeah, and I think it's also interesting and I don't know why.

00:46:44.097 --> 00:46:46.588
I'm into transition phases right now, but I think what we what, as we go into the fourth quarter, kind of end up breaking up.

00:46:46.588 --> 00:46:47.695
Quincy enters into the draft.

00:46:47.695 --> 00:46:53.503
Monica is like he was, like I got a lot going on right now.

00:46:53.503 --> 00:46:55.018
You obviously don't have time for it.

00:46:55.018 --> 00:46:56.342
He's doing a lot.

00:46:59.797 --> 00:47:03.181
Again, his feelings was hurt and it was weighty, I get it and I get it.

00:47:03.181 --> 00:47:06.184
It was more than just his parents and his dad, it was him.

00:47:06.184 --> 00:47:10.666
You know, everything was tied up in understanding that relationship.

00:47:10.666 --> 00:47:17.768
But as we move to the fourth quarter, we see Monica like killing it in basketball.

00:47:17.768 --> 00:47:19.362
You know she's in Spain now.

00:47:19.362 --> 00:47:33.365
She, you know she got her hair out now and some curls, you know, because, again, but aesthetics of the movie are important, your point, you know, like in high school she had them straight backs.

00:47:33.365 --> 00:47:37.985
You know, the moment she took her hair down it was like, oh wow, she's beautiful, she's amazing.

00:47:37.985 --> 00:47:40.422
Right, then we go to college.

00:47:40.422 --> 00:47:44.378
She had a little ponytail all the time, right, right, amazing, right, then we go to college.

00:47:44.378 --> 00:47:45.284
She had that little ponytail all the time.

00:47:45.284 --> 00:47:45.846
Right, right now we get to.

00:47:45.846 --> 00:47:46.168
Now we're grown.

00:47:46.168 --> 00:47:46.831
Yeah, now we got grown woman hair.

00:47:46.831 --> 00:47:48.599
Do you know it looked like, you know, and who way?

00:47:48.599 --> 00:47:50.447
I want to know who was doing her hair in spain.

00:47:50.648 --> 00:47:51.371
Can I like who?

00:47:51.371 --> 00:47:52.835
Can I say this thing about the ponytail?

00:47:52.835 --> 00:47:54.641
I ain't gonna lie and I'm just not clicking.

00:47:54.641 --> 00:47:55.483
It's not clicking for me.

00:47:55.483 --> 00:47:56.775
I think that's that.

00:47:56.775 --> 00:47:57.215
That was you.

00:47:57.215 --> 00:48:00.523
Yeah, I think that's where I felt like, oh, I, I could do that.

00:48:00.523 --> 00:48:02.027
Monica did it.

00:48:02.027 --> 00:48:03.329
I could wear a ponytail.

00:48:03.329 --> 00:48:05.994
Anyway, go ahead, it's fine, it looks terrible.

00:48:07.260 --> 00:48:09.601
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Because we got to take a moment.

00:48:09.601 --> 00:48:12.525
Do y'all know how long it took us to get?

00:48:12.525 --> 00:48:14.682
Ruth didn't have a ponytail, she had a clip.

00:48:14.682 --> 00:48:17.721
When Ruth found the claw clip?

00:48:17.721 --> 00:48:20.728
Oh, let me tell you something.

00:48:25.094 --> 00:48:25.315
That hair.

00:48:25.315 --> 00:48:26.661
Oh, and let me tell you something that hair was wrapped every day.

00:48:26.661 --> 00:48:28.027
Yes, it was every day, but anywho, that I just had to make that point.

00:48:28.047 --> 00:48:36.010
Like you know, I didn't realize until this conversation, the parallels, oh there's, and this is, this is intense, this is intense.

00:48:36.010 --> 00:48:38.295
Yeah, I feel like I was like lena, you know.

00:48:38.295 --> 00:48:41.704
I'm like for sure you're beautiful.

00:48:41.704 --> 00:48:46.233
Okay, that's how, um, but anywho.

00:48:46.233 --> 00:48:47.556
So we get to the fourth quarter.

00:48:47.617 --> 00:48:49.583
Monica is killing it in Spain.

00:48:49.583 --> 00:48:52.755
Um, you know, she don't even understand what the people saying.

00:48:52.755 --> 00:49:00.639
She over there lacing up her ankle and tying her shoes, and and this coach is giving the speech of a lifetime, right, you know.

00:49:00.639 --> 00:49:06.000
He's like hey, you know we didn't win before, you know, but we're going to push for it now.

00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:07.083
This is our moment.

00:49:07.083 --> 00:49:08.920
You know we're going to be great.

00:49:08.920 --> 00:49:12.804
All in Spanish, yeah, all in Spanish, all in Spanish.

00:49:13.036 --> 00:49:14.280
Monica's not paying any attention.

00:49:14.280 --> 00:49:18.818
She speaks to the one player who probably knew English and she's like hey, what did he say?

00:49:18.818 --> 00:49:21.001
And he said pass you the ball girl.

00:49:21.001 --> 00:49:25.976
And so Monica's like bet, that's all I need to know.

00:49:25.976 --> 00:49:31.425
So Monica is killing it and is becoming FYI.

00:49:31.425 --> 00:49:32.949
This is before the WNBA.

00:49:32.949 --> 00:49:40.257
So, for women to be great in basketball, you went to go play professionally overseas, just FYI.

00:49:40.257 --> 00:49:45.534
And so Monica's killing it and, uh, q quentin is struggling.

00:49:45.534 --> 00:49:48.646
Yes, all right, he entered into the draft prematurely?

00:49:48.646 --> 00:49:51.315
Yes, because he had not been developed.

00:49:51.315 --> 00:49:56.063
Again, we go back to this theme of talent versus development.

00:49:56.063 --> 00:50:05.661
You are not good enough because you have a talent come on, you have, especially when it hasn't been tested at that level.

00:50:05.661 --> 00:50:12.777
You only played one year of college basketball you get what I'm saying and didn't finish.

00:50:12.777 --> 00:50:23.657
You entered the draft in the middle of your first college season, and so your talent, your natural gifts, have not been refined.

00:50:23.657 --> 00:50:25.599
They haven't been through any fire.

00:50:25.599 --> 00:50:29.461
You haven't seen the testing of it yet.

00:50:29.581 --> 00:50:52.621
One of the young ladies in Angel Street and she recently just said that she wants to do something different next year because she wants to make money, and she really wants to make money with singing, but really she's okay with any kind of job.

00:50:52.621 --> 00:50:54.266
So I started asking her these questions.

00:50:54.266 --> 00:50:56.981
I said, hey, okay, well, I'm okay with this.

00:50:56.981 --> 00:50:59.728
She has a great voice, she has a beautiful voice.

00:50:59.728 --> 00:51:02.699
And I asked her.

00:51:02.699 --> 00:51:05.056
I said, well, who's going to help you with that?

00:51:05.056 --> 00:51:05.639
I don't know.

00:51:05.639 --> 00:51:07.226
Do you have an idea of what you want to do?

00:51:07.226 --> 00:51:08.070
No, I don't know.

00:51:08.070 --> 00:51:08.855
It's all these.

00:51:08.855 --> 00:51:09.596
I don't knows.

00:51:10.016 --> 00:51:18.137
And I said hey, don't cut yourself off from a source of support and just go out there and try to do it yourself.

00:51:18.137 --> 00:51:21.945
You're not ready, right To your point.

00:51:21.945 --> 00:51:23.409
The talent isn't developed.

00:51:23.409 --> 00:51:25.518
You're not ready for this.

00:51:25.518 --> 00:51:42.445
You want to, but you have in your mind like Quincy had in his mind recognition, dollar signs and the thing that I think I don't want for her, that we saw with Quincy people will pump you up and use you and they will not care how it ends up for you.

00:51:43.086 --> 00:51:46.320
They're not going to care, and so, yeah, you sound great.

00:51:46.320 --> 00:51:47.764
Oh my gosh, you have a beautiful voice.

00:51:47.764 --> 00:51:51.561
Come over here and do with people who are really just using you.

00:51:51.561 --> 00:51:53.025
They're not trying to develop you.

00:51:53.025 --> 00:51:58.617
They just going to use you until they're done with you, and then you're like oh okay, you really weren't who, we thought you were Right.

00:51:58.677 --> 00:52:08.643
And so just like, just like this this 16 year old girl now is is she literally is like oh man, please don't make that choice.

00:52:08.643 --> 00:52:10.947
I don't, I don't want that for you.

00:52:10.947 --> 00:52:12.018
You might have to.

00:52:12.018 --> 00:52:18.139
So you see, but it's a real thing and you really gotta, you, gotta, you gotta understand like that.

00:52:18.139 --> 00:52:37.954
Young people with talent are going to get faced with this and we need support to help them to maybe make a better decision, but also to be there when it probably isn't going to work out the way they want but you know, this goes back to the conversation we just had about coaching, though.

00:52:38.074 --> 00:52:43.628
Right, because his dad was the voice in his ear that was coaching him to greatness.

00:52:43.628 --> 00:52:46.621
And his dad remember his dad didn't even want him to go to USC.

00:52:46.621 --> 00:52:57.617
He was, like you, go to Princeton, like you know, you don't need basketball, you're more than just you know a ball player, you know, like you, there you can be more, you can have more.

00:52:57.617 --> 00:53:02.402
And so his dad was the voice in his ear that was coaching him.

00:53:02.402 --> 00:53:19.947
But when you break trust, right, and that's why it's so important to emphasize that, as the life of a leader also matters more than the gift, yes, because leadership and pouring out knowledge and wisdom, those are gifts.

00:53:19.947 --> 00:53:43.425
But if you don't match that up with lifestyles, you will find yourself in a situation like his father Now you can't speak to him peaceably, now he's discarding everything you said, and we oftentimes don't realize how we become stumbling blocks to people because we think our lives are our own.

00:53:43.425 --> 00:53:46.108
Your life is not yours.

00:53:46.108 --> 00:54:04.789
If you have committed yourself to the service of being somebody else's voice of wisdom, reason, knowledge, experience, whatever, you have now obligated yourself to live in a way that magnifies what you're teaching and not minimize it.

00:54:04.789 --> 00:54:07.057
And so Quincy minimized it.

00:54:07.057 --> 00:54:09.262
He minimized everything his dad had ever said to him.

00:54:09.262 --> 00:54:12.237
His dad, his dad, prized education.

00:54:12.237 --> 00:54:18.989
He minimized it and he maximized what he knew would ultimately bother his father.

00:54:19.976 --> 00:54:23.144
Anyways, we do got to talk about this relationship, because it is love and basketball.

00:54:23.144 --> 00:54:25.978
Yes, it is Going back to Monica.

00:54:25.978 --> 00:54:30.420
Monica, finally, she ends up playing with one of her friends, sid.

00:54:30.420 --> 00:54:31.998
They're in the playoffs.

00:54:31.998 --> 00:54:34.059
Monica wins, they're out to eat.

00:54:34.059 --> 00:54:38.440
Her friend is like you ain't hollering at none of these men.

00:54:38.440 --> 00:54:41.284
Monica's like no, I don't talk to none of them because she's stuck.

00:54:41.284 --> 00:54:44.831
That's what I want to talk to us today about.

00:54:44.831 --> 00:54:53.242
Okay, monica in the fourth quarter of her life All right, it's still stuck on this man from high school and college.

00:54:54.217 --> 00:54:56.780
There's that cut sound like for you, Queen, Right Matthew.

00:54:57.835 --> 00:55:06.858
No, because let me, I'd listen, listen, and Ruth Abigail knows, and we ain't, we ain't got to go too deep In this case, I was mama.

00:55:07.199 --> 00:55:08.340
Okay.

00:55:10.143 --> 00:55:16.016
Listen, okay, listen, and we're not.

00:55:16.016 --> 00:55:19.103
I know we'd be transparent on here, but I'm a wholesome.

00:55:19.103 --> 00:55:21.208
Today We'll hold that.

00:55:21.208 --> 00:55:21.623
I'm a, I'm a hold it.

00:55:21.623 --> 00:55:24.000
I'm a hold it in the room right now because, but I'm going to hold some today, we'll hold that.

00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:25.755
I'm going to hold it in the room right now.

00:55:25.795 --> 00:55:39.307
But I will say it is so easy to get stuck on what you were trying to make great in your past and it's really because you don't believe anything else better will come.

00:55:39.307 --> 00:55:39.876
That's correct.

00:55:39.876 --> 00:55:48.126
You don't believe that that and you got to think about this was a woman who had only ever dated one man, and it was her next door neighbor man.

00:55:48.126 --> 00:55:53.525
That's crazy, you know, I'm saying she didn't even believe she was beautiful until he touched her.

00:55:53.525 --> 00:55:55.596
That's, oh, shoot, that's.

00:55:55.596 --> 00:55:56.697
You get what I'm saying.

00:55:56.697 --> 00:55:57.778
Like it is she.

00:55:57.778 --> 00:55:58.500
She didn't.

00:55:58.500 --> 00:55:59.460
She had.

00:55:59.460 --> 00:56:16.460
She had waited for so long for him to be the one to validate her, to make her feel feminine and special and loved and wanted, and when she finally got there, I don't think she realized that that was what she became fixated on.

00:56:16.460 --> 00:56:20.965
Was that this is the man that made me feel worthy?

00:56:20.965 --> 00:56:27.851
This is the man that made me feel worthy, and when he left, she couldn't find her sense of worth anymore.

00:56:27.851 --> 00:56:31.117
She fell out of love with basketball.

00:56:31.117 --> 00:56:34.306
But it really wasn't basketball that she fell out of love with.

00:56:34.306 --> 00:56:40.889
It was the idea that she lost what she thought was the best thing she could ever have.

00:56:40.889 --> 00:56:42.280
Yeah, that's right.

00:56:42.280 --> 00:56:46.443
She fell out of love with basketball because she had connected it to him.

00:56:46.443 --> 00:56:49.900
Yeah, yep, yep, that's it, and so it's.

00:56:50.019 --> 00:56:58.405
You know, I think about another movie that I really it's one of those movies you watch once and you literally never need to see again.

00:56:58.405 --> 00:57:05.614
Okay, it's what is it For?

00:57:05.614 --> 00:57:05.856
Color girls?

00:57:05.856 --> 00:57:06.336
Only when the rainbow.

00:57:06.336 --> 00:57:11.190
You watch it once and then you're like, yeah, never again, never again.

00:57:11.190 --> 00:57:14.057
But there is a poem in there that I think is it?

00:57:14.057 --> 00:57:16.563
Uh, it was loretta devine in that movie, I think.

00:57:16.563 --> 00:57:19.858
So I think it was loretta devine doing the poem and she was.

00:57:19.858 --> 00:57:21.682
And it's a give, give me back my stuff.

00:57:21.682 --> 00:57:24.108
I want all my stuff back.

00:57:24.108 --> 00:57:30.168
And it's actually written that a movie is written from a play and it's give, give me back my stuff.

00:57:30.635 --> 00:57:39.025
And I'm telling you you have left pieces of yourself in these past relationships and it's called a soul tie, friend.

00:57:39.025 --> 00:57:40.938
Soul ties are made in different ways.

00:57:40.938 --> 00:57:56.684
You can have emotional soul ties because she had in her in her soul, tie basketball in this man together, tied her identity, her self-worth, her, her understanding of who she was and who she could be with this man.

00:57:56.684 --> 00:58:00.141
And it's like honey, boo-boo, no, no.

00:58:00.141 --> 00:58:17.898
And as as a middle adult, you really have to get to a point where you evaluate these relationships that you still pining after and say what did, what got tied up on the inside of me that I need to let loose because it don't work the way it worked in this movie.

00:58:17.898 --> 00:58:23.114
Friends, no, you don't go knock on his window and say I want to play you for your heart.

00:58:23.114 --> 00:58:24.476
Okay, absolutely not.

00:58:24.476 --> 00:58:24.958
We're not.

00:58:24.958 --> 00:58:26.322
First of all, you bet not.

00:58:26.362 --> 00:58:31.159
Yeah, hear me when I say two weeks before his wedding, she, two weeks.

00:58:31.159 --> 00:58:38.719
She gonna say I will, I'm still in love with you, I want to play you for your heart, and that it's just.

00:58:38.820 --> 00:58:54.056
And then then she loses, and so lost I'm just saying, if you get to that point, girl, you should have been pregnant and this man had a knee brace on was was determined first of all.

00:58:54.056 --> 00:58:56.181
I mean, we can get it again.

00:58:56.181 --> 00:58:58.025
Y'all have heard these arguments on the internet.

00:58:58.025 --> 00:59:10.896
But any man who you humiliates you right, like that and then like, first of all, how he changed his mind in 20 seconds like you know, like he wouldn't have played if he didn't really wanted to win.

00:59:11.557 --> 00:59:17.597
He didn't change his mind, he wouldn't play first of all, don't take me through the the dramatics.

00:59:17.597 --> 00:59:18.518
That's what he did.

00:59:18.518 --> 00:59:20.181
Let's let's a conversation.

00:59:20.181 --> 00:59:21.043
That was a problem.

00:59:21.043 --> 00:59:32.956
No communication, just let's play.

00:59:32.956 --> 00:59:33.597
Play me for your heart.

00:59:33.597 --> 00:59:34.938
You know I didn't even talk, just double or nothing.

00:59:34.938 --> 00:59:35.199
That's it.

00:59:35.199 --> 00:59:35.498
We back.

00:59:35.498 --> 00:59:37.541
You know, now, absolutely not Communicate.

00:59:38.021 --> 00:59:42.125
Now I'm not saying here's what I'm not saying and I don't want nobody to get stuck from this.

00:59:42.125 --> 00:59:46.547
Okay, I'm not saying, here's what I'm not saying and I don't want nobody to get stuck from this.

00:59:46.547 --> 00:59:50.612
Okay, I'm not saying that sometimes the thing from the past doesn't work out for your future.

00:59:50.612 --> 01:00:04.659
But if you have to reach back to get it, you ain't.

01:00:04.659 --> 01:00:11.079
If you have to think like how you used to think and act, how you used to act and do what you used to do to get it, then that's going to take you backwards and you're not supposed to have it Now.

01:00:11.079 --> 01:00:30.382
If it's somebody who has met you and they're in their future present self and they're reaching forth and you're reaching forth and we can reach forth together, and they're reaching forth and you're reaching forth and we can reach forth together, okay, but reaching back to get something will always pull you backwards.

01:00:30.382 --> 01:00:32.831
It'll pull you backwards in your mindset, it'll pull you backwards in your development.

01:00:32.911 --> 01:00:33.735
Now, don't let this movie fool you.

01:00:33.735 --> 01:00:34.697
It is fiction.

01:00:34.697 --> 01:00:35.458
It's fiction.

01:00:35.458 --> 01:00:38.547
It is fiction Going back and getting them old things.

01:00:38.547 --> 01:00:47.764
You know, for me, ruth Abigail, I, after I was done talking to somebody, I was never the person that deleted the numbers, deleted the photos.

01:00:47.764 --> 01:00:50.197
You know I was holding on.

01:00:50.197 --> 01:00:52.809
I was like, oh, you know, but that's memories.

01:00:52.809 --> 01:00:54.579
You know that was part of my story.

01:00:54.579 --> 01:00:57.757
No, I now believe in the purge.

01:00:57.817 --> 01:00:59.507
I was always the one.

01:00:59.507 --> 01:01:07.340
I deleted a meeting and then if it ever rekindled, I'd have to put them back like they were gone.

01:01:07.340 --> 01:01:11.795
I was done, like listen, I was done, but I I wasn't really done, you know.

01:01:11.795 --> 01:01:15.306
I mean like yeah so but, but I made myself think I was.

01:01:15.306 --> 01:01:20.704
But yeah, I mean you, you got yeah listen, she never purged, she never.

01:01:20.724 --> 01:01:24.034
That man was on her mind the whole time.

01:01:24.034 --> 01:01:27.380
When that man broke his ACL, she said I got to go.

01:01:27.380 --> 01:01:31.702
She said bye, spain, I got to go see him.

01:01:31.702 --> 01:01:36.155
And that's when she found Tyra Banks, who the worst actor.

01:01:36.155 --> 01:01:42.679
I'm sorry, we love you, tyra, thank you for everything you've done you know she was terrible in that movie you know, she bothered me entirely.

01:01:43.481 --> 01:01:50.239
Oh, absolutely, but maybe it's just her character, but she played a very annoying character very well.

01:01:51.903 --> 01:01:53.054
Yeah, which is why nobody liked it.

01:01:53.054 --> 01:01:57.422
Even Monica's mama was like you mean the flight attendant.

01:01:57.422 --> 01:02:02.684
We was over it Like Tyra, over it like Tyra, please.

01:02:02.684 --> 01:02:04.742
And where, tyra?

01:02:04.742 --> 01:02:09.534
Where you at, when your man out here playing another woman for his heart, you know where?

01:02:10.858 --> 01:02:12.804
because she on a flight.

01:02:12.804 --> 01:02:22.135
Um uh, yeah, so alright um, listen, main takeaways.

01:02:22.677 --> 01:02:24.481
Okay, what did we learn from first quarter?

01:02:24.501 --> 01:02:26.876
Ruth Abigail we learned that you have to pick.

01:02:26.876 --> 01:02:34.336
I'm sorry we have up we unlearned that you really that you have to pick who one or the other.

01:02:34.336 --> 01:02:43.525
As far as who you want, to be right, you get to be who you fully are and it doesn't have to look just one way in throughout your life.

01:02:43.525 --> 01:02:45.117
It'll look different ways in different seasons.

01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:48.485
Yes, quarter two All right.

01:02:48.485 --> 01:02:57.509
The thing that we unlearned is the idea that your talent will carry your ambition to the finish line over your development right.

01:02:57.509 --> 01:03:02.527
You have to begin to prize who you're becoming, over what you can do.

01:03:03.315 --> 01:03:27.262
And in quarter three we unlearned that relationships will stay the way they start and that we have to learn how to properly transition and maintain healthy relationships through transitions, by expecting it and developing healthy communication habits when they get to difficult points.

01:03:28.184 --> 01:03:33.324
Yeah, All right, quarter four All right, listen, friends, get unstuck.

01:03:33.324 --> 01:03:44.664
Okay, we learned we learned right that whatever has you stuck from the past is preventing you from getting what God has for you in your future stuck from the past is preventing you from getting what God has for you in your future.

01:03:44.684 --> 01:03:45.385
And there you have it, folks.

01:03:45.385 --> 01:03:50.471
Love and basketball, friends, love and basketball, love and basketball the unlearned way.

01:03:50.471 --> 01:03:56.858
Okay, absolutely, absolutely.

01:03:56.858 --> 01:03:58.545
So we are going to be doing this for the rest of the summer.

01:03:58.545 --> 01:03:59.228
We'll have several other movies.

01:03:59.228 --> 01:04:00.916
You'll have to tune in to see what else we're talking about, but so we are.

01:04:00.916 --> 01:04:01.199
What is it?

01:04:01.199 --> 01:04:02.003
What do we have to tell the people?

01:04:02.003 --> 01:04:02.809
See what else we're talking about?

01:04:02.809 --> 01:04:03.253
Uh, but uh, so we are.

01:04:03.253 --> 01:04:03.735
Uh, what is it?

01:04:03.735 --> 01:04:05.019
What do we have to tell people?

01:04:05.019 --> 01:04:06.023
What do we tell the people?

01:04:06.023 --> 01:04:07.387
Uh, like, share and subscribe.

01:04:08.396 --> 01:04:10.001
All right, friends, listen.

01:04:10.001 --> 01:04:12.628
All right, this is a community, we're building community.

01:04:12.628 --> 01:04:16.603
We have some amazing things coming for you guys.

01:04:16.603 --> 01:04:18.947
So many great things on the horizon.

01:04:18.947 --> 01:04:21.681
Please, please, please, hit the like button.

01:04:21.681 --> 01:04:23.315
Share it with a friend.

01:04:23.315 --> 01:04:31.181
Okay, if you too have, you might not have written an essay about it like myself, right, but if you have you feel free to do that.

01:04:32.204 --> 01:04:39.117
Listen, listen if you, if you connect with what we're talking about, if you connect with the movie, listen, hit us in the comments.

01:04:39.117 --> 01:04:40.498
You know I'll listen.

01:04:40.498 --> 01:04:42.860
I'm ready to squabble, let's talk about it, right?

01:04:42.860 --> 01:04:43.961
No, but for real, we want to.

01:04:43.961 --> 01:04:45.402
We want to chat with you guys.

01:04:47.184 --> 01:04:48.666
And yeah, yeah, all right.

01:04:48.666 --> 01:04:53.190
So let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom.

01:04:53.190 --> 01:04:57.416
We'll see y'all next week, peace.

01:04:57.416 --> 01:05:03.905
Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast.

01:05:03.905 --> 01:05:08.070
We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode.

01:05:08.070 --> 01:05:17.300
Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think.

01:05:17.300 --> 01:05:21.128
We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom.

01:05:21.128 --> 01:05:22.056
See you then.