Best Man Holiday And The Hard Work Of Forgiveness

Summer Movie Series Kickoff

unknown 0:03

Yo soy everybody podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

I'm your host, Debbie, aka R A.

SPEAKER_05 0:10

What's up, friends? It's your girl Jaquita.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Yo, this is the podcast that's going to help you, helping you gain the courage to change your mind. I don't know what happened there. So we can experience more freedom. I did a little, I did a little remix. I shouldn't have done it, but y'all forgive me. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 0:23

All right. All right. Listen, it's all about the freedom, all right? And freedom includes messing up sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_05 0:30

Okay. Freedom to make mistakes.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Absolutely. Thank you for that. Thank you for that. Um, y'all, we are in the summer movie series. We have done several movies so far. Y'all should go back and check them out. We always have a lot of fun with this series. This is our second year doing it. Um, and it's just fun. It's fun to revisit movies we hadn't seen in a while. Yeah, absolutely. You know, pull out stuff that we definitely weren't thinking about the first time we saw it. You know?

SPEAKER_05 0:59

Listen, wasn't thinking about this stuff at all. Not at all. Okay, was just enjoying the view of the movie. Absolutely. And this one, listen.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 1:10

I I have memories of this franchise. Okay. Oh, one particular memory. Uh, it happened freshman year at no sophomore year at the Furman University. Okay, which is where me and all my friends went to undergrad. Yep. And not all my friends, I do have some friends who did not go to Ferman. I love y'all too. Love y'all. Love y'all. Love y'all. But, anyways, um, me, Ruth Abigail, and Joy definitely went to Furman, though. And I remember sophomore year. Us, like all the girls were like, let's go watch Best Man. Let's make a whole night of it. We had popcorn, there were snacks. We went to a um, there was like a downstairs rec room. Yeah, right. And we all went in there. There was a big TV in there, and we watched Best Man, the first one, right? And to this day, to this day, okay, when watching that first best man, when Morris Chestnut, Lance Sullivan, leap leaps across that table to snatch Q up. Iconic. Okay, Iconic. That's hilarious. Okay, young Jaquita was like, need me a strong man.

unknown 2:29

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 2:30

All right. I need a man that's you know saying can pounce on them. Okay, that's what I need. Okay. Yes. And so today, and you know, sometimes sequels don't get it right. You know, they don't. I don't want to name any, but you know, a few came out recently. You could have left the original alone, right? But Best Man Holiday. Oh man. Listen that one.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

They did it right.

SPEAKER_05 3:00

They did they did that.

unknown 3:01

They did it.

SPEAKER_05 3:02

They did that. They represented for the culture, they moved everyone's storyline along beautifully. They did. Right. Now, that Best Man series that came on Peacock.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Oh, I didn't see that.

SPEAKER_05 3:17

It's it did you it was weird. Okay, it was weird, it was weird. Okay, okay, and I feel like everybody watching agrees because we were like, What is this? What is this? Did we watch all seven or eight episodes? Most of us did, sure, right? But again, we came with a what is this? Um but best man holiday I saw in the theaters. Okay, and and the whole crowd was live the whole time.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Sure did, absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 3:47

Let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Man, that was that was a we enjoyed that move. I enjoyed that movie immensely. Um, so that's what we're gonna talk about, guys. Best man holiday. And so this is uh when this movie came out, Queen of 2000, what?

SPEAKER_05 4:06

No, no, no, no, no, I think it was like 2014.

Why Best Man Holiday Works

SPEAKER_05 4:10

But Joy will give us uh she'll give it away. So when this movie came out, it was not 2021, that was the pandemic, Ruth Abigail.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

I don't know why I thought it was 2021. I think it was.

SPEAKER_05 4:23

All right, let's take a guess. I think it was like 2018.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

All right, I think it 2013.

SPEAKER_05 4:28

I was close the first time.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

You were close, you were close. I'm way off. Okay, so 2013. So it came out 2013, and it is it basically follows up the story. Uh so for those of you who haven't seen it, the basic storyline, even from Best Man, right? Is you have an author, his name is Harper, and he that they all the he and his friends went to college together. And in the first movie, there's a lot of secrets that were uncovered.

SPEAKER_05 5:00

My lord.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

That he decided to put publish in a book. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. To my like I well, I was like, I don't understand why he thought that was a good idea. Like, why would you think it was a good idea for to like put out all this laundry of which you were the central part of? Yeah. And so basically he cheated with his best, he was the best man and his best friend in his fiance's wedding. And in the book, it came out that he he cheated with his with the best man's fiance.

SPEAKER_05 5:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

And the fiance did not know it.

SPEAKER_05 5:41

My lord.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

And um it it made it really okay. But make um make make sure I'm saying this, I'm doing this right, Quito. The what really made it egregious is that they were they were committed to waiting until they got married to have sex. The best, the, the, the ones who were getting married. Lance and Mia. Lance and Mia. Oh. They weren't sleeping. They weren't, they said, we're not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_05 6:07

I don't remember that. I don't remember that. Lance was a very faith-filled man, but he was in them streets.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

He was he was, but when he met Mia.

SPEAKER_05 6:17

But Mia, yeah, Mia was Mia was innocent. Yes, and I do think that like she was like, she she and Harper were like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe, maybe. I don't, I'm I'm not 100 on that, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

I'll fact check it. But I'm pretty sure that that was, and so what happened was she ended up sleeping with Harper, which had said she's not gonna do that before she married, anyway. So that just made it worse. So it I so that that came out in the book, and so the whole movie is their, you know, their friendship, and you're getting to learn the characters and all this, and then you find out that that happens. Well, they end up getting married anyway, Lance and Mia, Harper and Robin. Robin, they end up um together. That's that was his girlfriend at the time. And then you have these uh, you know, uh, these other characters that we'll get into later. But what the Best Man Holiday does is basically 15 years later, it follows up on their life. Yes, Mia wants to have uh Christmas weekend with everybody, and so she invites all the friends. They hadn't seen each other or really done anything together in 15 years.

SPEAKER_05 7:22

My lord. And mind you, Lance and Harper ain't really they ain't they ain't talked. Okay, ain't no close ties. I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's like I I you know, here's I question for the crew. Question for the unlearned crew, right? Is it once a best friend, not always a best friend, but is that connection still always there? Right? Like they they endured the ultimate betrayal, right? Like, like Lance was like, I I don't talk to you, I don't fool with you, you know, but they all still in the same crew, right? So everybody's still talking to the same people, everybody's still and you know, but at the heart of it, it's like you was wrong, but you my dog, you know, like how does that work in friendships? Like, and do friendships survive?

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Do they survive these moments? Like, do they survive secrets like that? Like, yeah, I think I would imagine there are plenty that do, but also there are plenty that don't. Because that's that's a really that is tough to get over. And it's really and the thing is, I just don't see how what Harper did was justifiable. Like that, that just there's just no explanation for that. Like, like, bro, why would you do that? And the book was wildly popular and successful, which doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_05 8:52

He made he made so much money off this book, and then in the best man holiday, they wanted to make it into a movie. I was no no in the series, oh, not the best man holiday, but in the series, the book was getting made into a into a movie. Like, that's one of the storylines in the series. Oh, that's it. And it's just like, why would you write this? Why would you write your biggest secret, your biggest betrayal of your best friend? Why would you write it in a book?

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Now, now, now, to be fair, it was a fiction, it was supposed to be fiction, like yeah, it was fiction. So, like, yeah. It wasn't explicit, but like you read read between the lines, you're like, wait a minute. And then so they were trying, they were discovering all this as they were reading. He's thinking he's hiding it because it's not, you know, the characters are different. Bruh, what are we saying?

SPEAKER_05 9:42

So you wrote about a football player who was out here in these streets, you know what I'm saying, who had a girlfriend that was really innocent and his best friend said, like what the bruh.

unknown 9:56

Come on, man.

SPEAKER_05 9:56

Like, like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Yeah. So like when you when you have it would be really interesting to know, have y'all had these moments

The Original Betrayal And The Book

SPEAKER_01 10:05

in friendships where you find things out or you've had to overcome real deep hurt or betrayal by people? How did you do that? Like, what was your what was your pathway back to friendship look like? Yeah. And um, or have you said, I can't do it? Like it's not, it's not possible to do it. And I think that's that's really what Best Man Holiday is exploring. Like, yeah, is it is it possible? Now they aren't the only ones that needed a pathway back. Yeah, there were there were a few others that needed pathways back. Um so you know, these these friends who were close at one point, life did broke tore tore them up, tore a lot of them apart. Yeah, and now it's like, but is it worth sticking together? Yeah, you know, we talk a lot about community um and and un like things that you have to unlearn in order to maintain community. And I think one of the things is that is important to unlearn to maintain community, you gotta un like you gotta unlearn that forgiveness is that forgiveness is not attainable in certain situations. Yeah, I think some some situations it feels like there's no way that forgiveness will I can't, I can't I can't forgive this. And and I think that in some in some instances, I I think forgiveness is always attainable. Let me let me rephrase it. Restoration is not always attainable. Because just because you forgive somebody doesn't mean that the relationship is restored. However, uh there are I think we have to unlearn that restoration is attainable even at the even at the most. Um even when betrayal feels the hardest, restoration can still be attainable. Don't take it off the table.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Um and I I that but that's hard. It's hard to accept. It's really, really hard to accept, especially when you have defined a life apart from this issue. And then all of a sudden it kind of kits comes back at you.

SPEAKER_05 12:20

Yeah. You know, I think it's so interesting because I think one of the best parts of this movie is that we are watching the internal work, the internal healing work for each of these characters as as they deal not just with the betrayal that they experience from each other, but kind of their own fallacies, their own internal issues and things that they've held that they've made each other the scapegoat for, right? Like Lance made Harper the scapegoat. He said, I'm gonna put all the evil that happened, all the bad that happened, I'm gonna put that on Harper, who is the one who cheated with his now wife, Mia, who we all love, which the movie was trash for this, right? But like, right, I'm gonna put all of my anger, all of my uh uh feelings of betrayal, feelings of distrust, feelings of, you know, disappointment. I'm gonna put that all on this one person. Yeah. And I'm gonna, like you do with a scapegoat, you put you put the blame on them and you send them away.

unknown 13:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 13:34

Right? So I'm gonna put all of my blame, all of my anger, all of all of those ill feelings. I'm gonna put it on him and then I'm gonna send him out of my life. And that's what we do when we experience hard moments with people. Right? We we unload, right? Either sometimes that's by going off, or sometimes that's just by writing them off. Yeah. Right? We we unload and then we say, go away. And then I, in my daily life, I ain't gotta deal with you. I ain't gotta deal with it. I ain't gotta deal with however you made me feel. I don't have to deal with however, uh, however, whatever consequences this brought up in my life, I'm sending all of that with you. And I can go on and I can continue along my merry way. But I think the beauty of this movie is that because Mia is going through a little difficult circumstance, which I just really want to grab the writers up by their neck hairs and be like, How dare you?

SPEAKER_01 14:40

This was not dare you. It really was not okay.

SPEAKER_05 14:45

I it was it was not okay. It's not okay. And as soon as you re-watch, you're re-watching and you see her on the screen, you're like, You like, you bald-headed heifers for for making our girl, you know. Now we got we got a funeral in the movie, okay. We had the graveside. I remember I had that is one movie I know I boohooed in the theater at.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

That graveside, my God.

SPEAKER_05 15:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

I lost it. I couldn't. I was like, I mean, I got nothing.

SPEAKER_05 15:18

Oh no, we was all crying. We was, I know you didn't, I know you didn't. Yeah, that was her walking through the realization, right? Because in the movie, Mia, the wife of Lance, who is kind of like where all the story centers around, which I will say the writers are really smart for that. Because the first movie, all the controversy was centered around what happened with Harper and Mia. And Mia's character having this really innocent, really, you know, can't do wrong, always, you know, bilance's side, a beautiful person inside and out, to everyone, being the one who engaged in this affair.

unknown 16:05

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_05 16:06

Right. And so, like, we come back into this tension 15 years later, where it's still, she's still Mia. Like, she's still sweet and loving and gentle and and always thinking about the bigger group, the bigger picture, and how to bring everyone together, right? But there's still this tension that we haven't dealt with that like she had a part to play too.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_05 16:34

Right? And also this tension of, you know, she felt a responsibility to restore this brotherhood, you know, because she is now facing that like I'm she has cancer. Yeah. And so I'm near end of life.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

I'm not gonna be here. I'm not, I don't have much longer.

SPEAKER_05 16:57

I'm not gonna be here. Yeah. And I there are some things that I need to reconcile. There are some things that I need to set up for my husband, for my family. You know, like she's like, my kids need their god mama. So she calls, she's calling everybody forward, and it's her call that's making everybody face what they've been ignoring. And we all have those people in the crew. That's it. Right? We all have the the person that makes you face your truth, right? That doesn't allow you to just run and hide and stay in your corners, right? She brings everyone from their corners and says, okay, right, like we we gotta deal, we gotta deal with even Shelby, who nobody really likes. Nobody likes Shelby.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Except for nobody likes Yeah, except for Mia Mia, like that's my LS. You know, Mia loves Shelby and then um Neil Long's character. They're they're they're the they're the three best friends, like they yeah, uh uh Jordan. So Jordan, Neil Long's character, Shelby, and um Mia. They they all went to college together, they're tight.

SPEAKER_05 18:07

Yeah, you know, so you have like these three women who got their little girl crew, yeah, and then you got the two outside women. You got Robin and you got Candy, right, who married in. Yes, they married married into the crew, and there is like some tension between these two groups of women. Yes, yes, right, because there's some crossovers because they men used to deal with these other women.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

That's correct, that's correct. That's correct.

SPEAKER_05 18:36

They used to they men used to be dealing with the women in the crew, which you know, when I was in high school, I pretty much had mostly male friends. I had female friends too, but my core group was like some guys. Shout out to y'all, right? Shout out to the guys, you know who you are, right? And then when I went to college, I had mostly female friends. I've never

Can Friendships Survive Deep Hurt

SPEAKER_05 18:55

had a mixed group. You know what I'm saying? I I didn't, you know, I never had a couple of guys, a couple of gals, you know, right? Like, you know, like I kept we kept them in their separate corners. Now I had like there was like a bigger crew in high school, but I don't think that really counts, right? Because everybody friends with everybody high school. But when I went, but you know, like I just that's so interesting. The male-female friendship dynamics, okay. Listen, this whole, you know, ideology about can men and women really just be friends. Which is this movie, this movie, first I'd like to say what this movie says. This movie says, watch your back. Okay, don't trust them. Okay, this movie was not a proponent for the male, neither one of them, the first one nor the second one, gave us any hope for platonic friendships. Every single one of them crossed the lines.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Well, that's I guess that's true.

SPEAKER_05 19:59

They were crossing lines. Shelby is always trying to get back with merch. Yep. Okay, uh, Nia Long's character, Jordan, and Harper had some tension, some history, some foolishness, right? Then you got Mia, she done been with Harper, right? It's that everybody done crossed over somewhere. And then Terrence Howard's uh character, Quentin. You wanna know what's funny? He's probably the most trustworthy of them all.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

I I honestly he's stable. Honest, because he knows himself. He doesn't try to be something he's not. I had that same thought. Um, for though, and you ain't gonna you ain't gonna identify what I'm about to say, Quinn. I'm almost I was put together.

SPEAKER_05 20:38

She's about to say something ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

No, I'm not, no, I'm not. I'm about to just say something. I know because I know you don't watch Game of Thrones, but in Game of Thrones, there's a character um that to me is very similar to Q, where he's he's kind of painted as a villain, but he is the he is he's got the biggest heart and is the most honest of all the characters. Um, and of course, in my brain, I'm sitting here being like, why can't I think of this dude's name? Joy remind me of his name. You know who I'm talking about. Uh and and I I can't I can't think of it. I'm gonna get in a second, but I was watching it being like, that's the same kind of character. Like he's he's he's really uh Tyrian. Tyrion. So uh in the in in in anyway, so he's Game of Thrones. There's a there's a character named Tyrion, and he's really disliked by his family. He doesn't really have nobody really trusts him, but he is the guy that uh is really the most honest. And I think Q is the same, and it's really interesting how when the people who know themselves the best and they they have no shame, even if what they doing is trash, they don't have no shame at doing it. Yeah, there's there's there's something it's not the the honesty is beautiful. Yeah, and the truth, like you said, you can. Trust him because you can always trust Q to be Q. You may go like it, but you can trust him to be himself.

SPEAKER_05 22:07

Yeah. But you know what? He was so self-aware that he was his emotional intelligence was extremely high. Very he was self-aware, right? He knew how to he may not have done it in a way anybody else liked to. But he knew how to manage himself in this group. He was never in the controversy. Even with Shelby. The stuff he did with Shelby was outside of the group. And it didn't bother nobody's business. Not at all. You know what I'm saying? Everything he did. But because he has such high self-awareness, his awareness of everyone else's truth was always extremely high. Like he always saw what everybody else was trying to hide.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 22:52

Like you, you know, even with my sister's favorite line, me and my sister's favorite line from Best Man Holiday is when Terrence Howard asked uh uh Tay Diggs Harper, he says, Do you need some money? And that's what me and my sister like when when we know the other one is a little hard up, all right, need a little cash, we'll be like, we'll send each other that little meme, do you need some money? And that little tear falls. That's one of our favorite lines. Shout out to my sister, Arbe. But you know, um it it just really is it really is key that the people who spend spend time because he he wasn't he didn't spend energy trying to hide things. Yes, you know what I'm saying? He was 100% himself. And did he need work in some areas? Yeah. There was that one moment he was sending those illicit pictures, right? And it started thundering outside. He's like, Oh Lord, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, but you made me this way. No, the Lord didn't. The Lord ain't do that. Don't blame the Lord. Um, and I I just really think that for Q throughout the movie, it's like he stands as like the truth teller, yeah, right? Even with merch, you know, like he's straight up with him, right? And I don't think because merch is like the innocent, kind of nerdy, kind of like you almost forget what merch is doing. But like there's always some controversy around him because he's not controversial within himself, you know, he's upstanding and you know, just a good guy, but like the two women that he's dealt with, they got past and history, and you know, so like he's always tied to something controversial, yeah. And so Q is the one that keeps it honest with him. He's like, You married a stripper, yeah. Like, we love her. Candy's that girl. Shout out to Regina Hall, you know. There's just nobody funnier than Regina Hall. We didn't really get to see it in this movie as much, you know. But that woman is hilarious. Okay, and everything she does, she's hilarious. But, you know, like Q keeps it 100 with everybody, and he doesn't do it. Usually, when he does it, it's off to the side, it's in a one-on-one fashion, like there's integrity in the way he does it, like he's not publicly outing or shaming people, like he's like pulling them to the side, like, I see you.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 25:36

I see you. Yep, right. And they be like, shoot, because they know he's right.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

How do y'all have somebody in your community who's like you? Like, I I think I think that's like who is who's who's that who's that person who is like uh I'm I'm gonna be me. Can't nobody tell me not to be me. I'm not finna change for nobody. And I'm gonna keep you straight too.

SPEAKER_05 26:06

Like, I feel like I know who it is in our crew.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Really?

SPEAKER_05 26:11

Okay, I think I know who our who our cue is. Maybe not not in the in the extreme fashion, right? Like not, but Ashley Nicole Simmons is the cue. I knew he was gonna say that. Okay, Ashley. If anybody knows Ashley, Ashley is straight up gonna do Ashley. She's gonna be okay. She out here living, not not again, not in the nefarious way. Exactly. Not not out here, but Ashley, Ashley is okay with going against the grain.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

Very much so.

SPEAKER_05 26:42

Right? She is okay with going her own way. And if you ever encounter her, she will tell you the 100% straight up truth. She will. And and there have been moments I've known Ashley since I was in the sixth grade. Uh-huh. And there'll be moments where I will be telling her about something going on in my life, and she will just tell me about myself. And I'd be like, dang, she really has known me my whole life. Yeah. Like, you know, I'll be forgetting sometimes, and then she just comes through, and it's like she sweeps in and sweeps out, you know, like she like sweeps in and says her piece, and then she she don't linger on it, you know. Yeah, she's on, and that was Q. Q would Q would say what he needed to say, and then he's off it. That's it. You know, once once he feels like it's been resolved, or once he feels like he said it, they don't need to linger on it. We ain't gotta keep, you know what

Mia Brings Everyone Back Together

SPEAKER_05 27:35

I'm saying? We we on to the next. There's a lot of issues in this group that need to be discussed.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Yes, that yes, because it and it's it's it is yeah, that it does. And they need to face some stuff. So I think, you know, going back to how they were brought together, it's interesting what how tragedy can bring people together, right? Now, at the time they were being brought together, they didn't know that there was something tragic happening. But her her motivation was obviously driven by this new reality she was having she and her family were having to face. Um, and once once they kind of discovered what the what the reason was and what's really happening, it began to unlock the things that were necessary for them to begin to work on. And it's like I think some you know, my I I have I've been to um I've been to a couple funerals lately. Um and you know, I'm always reminded of how when you're celebrating the life of somebody who's no longer here, it the reflection is higher on your own life. And and I think that that that is you can see that happening with these characters of like at the end of the day, nobody knows when it's done. Nobody knows when your time is up. Is it worth holding on to this? Um, is it worth continuing to hold on to my stuff? Is it worth continuing to have a um a rift between you know within my community? Is it worth still holding on to shame? Is it worth still holding on to guilt and regret? Is it worth doing that? And and sometimes it takes something tragic to wake us up. Yeah. And um, and I don't know, I think there are some things I've had to unlearn around that. Like I would say that what and I don't, I don't, I can't, I don't know if tragic, maybe, maybe it's tra I can't I can't pinpoint the moment or the particular um thing that kind of woke me up here. But I do think that there have been moments in my life where there have been hard moments that I've had to deal with either within myself, things that have happened to me or things that have happened to other people to say what's become more important to me. So my um I probably I probably identify on some level a lot with Neil Long's character in the sense of like there was a point where my work was absolutely the most important thing to me. Um and it was it just trumped everything, right? Even and and so, you know, I I will say that getting married has changed that a little bit, but even in the beginning of the marriage, it was still kind of very much top of mind. And over over time, I've begin to it's be it's been knocked down a couple pegs because life has revealed itself in a different way. And so priorities are starting to look different. So now it's like, all right, I there are some things I'm not going to continue to um to prioritize at that level because I understand that I don't know how much time you know I have with my family. I don't know how much uh I don't know what's gonna happen in the future. And I and I can't, I can't risk losing certain moments. So I will, I will, I will drive to Houston to visit family who's not doing well, which I've done in the last, you know, couple I've I've been to Houston more this year than I think I've been since I've probably been in Memphis.

SPEAKER_03 31:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

And uh it's not that I haven't had opportunities to go, but I have not chosen to do that.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

But this year was different for me. And it's like I'm pro I want to prioritize some things a little differently. And um, and I'm grateful that I've done that, but it has taken unfortunate things to happen to jump me into that. You know what I mean? And sometimes that that definitely is the case, and you have to, you can't, you you know, you have to learn that.

SPEAKER_05 31:51

No, for sure. And I think, you know, the movie is set around the tragedy, but the beauty of because before, like, even amongst the tragedy, I think the real tragedy was for them in the midst of kind of understanding, okay, we have this friend who we're not gonna have for much longer, right? Them coming to face their real, the real state of where they were. Like the moment where Shelby and Candy or Candace are going off on each other. Correct. Was Candace in another movie? And uh and think like a man. Because remember, uh, yeah, that is so funny. Um, but there there's this moment where um, you know, they're they're going at it, they're fighting, right? And like, like after they're going at it, because you know, uh Shelby had been on Housewives, so she just, you know, she she always ready to to catfight, like the cameras are on. Correct. Right. And after this moment, like her daughter is like, mommy, and it's like this realization of like, girl, what are you doing? Yeah, you chasing after this this man's wife. Like you, you, you, you fighting this man's wife over somebody that you lost 15 years ago. 15 years, hunty, and and they have children. And you have a child that you have completely ignored.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

That's right.

SPEAKER_05 33:28

And and and like coming to the realization of that, of like, what have I allowed my life to become? I think that was the real tragedy that they each had to face. Was like, because I think that, you know, like going through those hard moments with family definitely makes you reflect on your connection with that person, but it also holds such a huge mirror to your own life. Like, what it what am I gonna be like when I don't have this person?

SPEAKER_02 33:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:00

Right, because Mia for all of them was a voice of reason. She was a voice of direction and wisdom, right? Like she was she was kind of like their North Star. Like, she was their example. Like, she was the woman who married the man, became the great wife, became the great mother, right? And became like just like the shining star in that sense. Yeah. And I think they were all dealing with what have I done with my relationships? You know, it's a very relational movie.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Oh, it's all about relationships.

SPEAKER_05 34:38

Yeah, it's it's it's all about relationships and all about where each one of them had messed up. I'd like to talk about Harper and Robin for a moment, if we could, okay, because Harper, Harper married Robin, who was played by Sinal Lathen, and uh, and you know, there is just the sense of he he it's like it's been 15 years and you still don't really know her or really get her. You know what I'm saying? And we spend time in relationships building up the stories of our partners and our friends, and not allowing them to really, to really navigate in their truth. And this comes up a lot more in the series, which again, the series was weird. Interesting. Okay, it was weird, but that dynamic is explored a lot more. But this whole idea of her being pregnant, right, and him not being able to share his secrets with her, yeah. Right, but also imposing his ideas of what she should be doing, how she should be feeling, what she should be thinking on her, right? And creating this relationship where he gets to make all the decisions about how we navigate, how we, how we communicate, how we what we do, how we trust, right? And that has to get broken because she has lost her voice in the relationship. And it's something that she has to fight to get back.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 36:17

Um, because he's so consumed in what he what he is or isn't doing, what he does or doesn't have, that he's really not paying her any attention.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

And he's, you know, so in the movie, he loses his job. He's an author. He they they they there's a you know, they don't have what they used to have. Because he he went he went from up here to all the way down here. Yeah. Like he was, he was, he was, it was at two extremes, to which, you know, to your he didn't share that with her. He wasn't um But he shared it with Jordan. But he shared it with Jordan. He did, he shared it with Jordan, and there there's just a always been a barrier, you could tell, but in their relationship, there's there's a there was a level of intimacy that he shared with his friends that he didn't share with his wife.

SPEAKER_05 37:07

Um my goodness. Can we talk about that for a little bit?

unknown 37:10

We can talk about that.

SPEAKER_05 37:11

Yeah, uh, because you know, I feel like this is just me. I'm not married yet.

unknown 37:16

Amen.

SPEAKER_05 37:17

Okay, open to the possibility. Um, but you know, I feel like my friendships, especially for those of us middle adults who have been in these single streets for a little longer, right? I feel like we out of not out of necessity, but just out of circumstance, right, have built really, really close connections with our friends and and really intimate connections, right? Where it's like these are the people that I tell my thoughts, tell my my I give my understanding of my life to.

SPEAKER_01 37:55

I wouldn't say that I would say it's an out of necessity a lot. Like I think you need that. I think you need to have that kind of connection with people.

SPEAKER_05 38:02

Well, when I say out of necessity, like I didn't want it to seem like I only got close to y'all because I ain't had no choice. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just so that's why I used out of circumstance. Like this, like this is life has allowed me the

Q As The Truth Teller

SPEAKER_05 38:15

opportunity to build these amazing relationships with people that are really intimate, right? But I do think that that is something that people struggle with because I've been building these relationships for 20 plus years, right? And this relationship with my spouse is new, but it's supposed to be deeper and it's supposed to be, you know, more, you know, expanded, and I'm supposed to give them more, right? Like, you know, Ruth, you've been married for a few years. What is that process like?

SPEAKER_01 38:48

That's very good. That's very interesting. It it I it's an intentionality that you have to have to really put um energy into learning, understanding who you've married. Um, there's also a reality though that it things take time. And so I think that there's, you know, one of the one of the mistakes I think that maybe it's easy to make as a married couple is to assume that because you're married, uh all these things just kind of come with the marriage. And um that doesn't it doesn't happen that way. Like it it it it takes intentionality and time, just like building these friendships took it intense intentionality and time, right? So I think that I I would say one of the one of the things that I've found to be really um found to be really life-giving is for my our our marriage to be welcomed into the friendship. Right? It it it's it, I mean, obviously it's separate. I mean, you know, we have a we have a whole separate day-to-day life that we're building, but he like and I would say even with his friends, he's got very close friends as well. And so us getting to know each other's friends like that is is is a really important part of that process because there are things that they know about him that I don't, and there are things that you know about me that he doesn't.

SPEAKER_03 40:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

And like, and so we kind of I think to some degree it might accelerate the process of us getting closer. Um because I think another mistake sometimes couples can make, I don't hesitate saying that because I ain't been married long enough to be talking about mistakes people make. Um but I can see that this could be an easy, easy thing to fall into, is that you I you isolate. So like it's like as a couple, okay, we're we're now married, we're gonna go over here, and all of the relationships we had prior to this marriage are not as important anymore. And I think that's a real mistake. I think you know, you bring you're bringing all these things together, these are important relationships that you need. And I need, I need y'all, I still need y'all. He needs his guys, he still needs them. Like that doesn't go away just because you get married, and so how can you how can you not isolate and and like completely separate? Now, do you need to take time to get to know each other and all that? Of course you do. Should you be doing everything in groups with people that no, I ain't saying all that, but bring them in, merge it in some way, and I think that helps. So I would say that those things have been helpful, but also time. I mean, at the end of the day, and and and time is accelerated in a marriage because what I think where it has taken us 20 something years to get to, it won't take uh he and I that long because we are doing day-to-day life together. We have an intimacy that you know, I'm not I don't have anybody else.

SPEAKER_05 42:03

Yeah, y'all are becoming one.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

We are not one, not at all, right? And so that that is that's that's that process will be it is accelerated in a lot of ways, but it's not immediate. Yeah, it's not immediate.

SPEAKER_05 42:16

Yeah, and I think because I think that that's something that we miss, and I think it's something that Harper really missed, was and I think that I think it it can be really beautiful and it can be really intentional, because you know, as somebody who has gone through different emotions in this elongated season of waiting, right? There was this, there was this, uh, there was a season of denial. Like, I'm not finna have to wait long. It's it's right around the corner. You know what I'm saying? Any day now, okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:50

This is our year.

SPEAKER_05 42:51

Any, this is our year, okay. Every year, Ruth Abigail, you know, was would sit me and Joy down and would be like, hey guys, listen, this is it. This is our year, all right? 15. Yeah, 16. 17, 18, and 19. Okay, listen. All right, every every single one of them years, right? But there was there was a season of feeling like, you know, obviously I won't be waiting long. Obviously, I would have never thought in my early 30s or in my late 20s. No way. 39? What are you talking? What you talking? Absolutely not. All right, absolutely not. And I also think that what we get the sense of with Harper is that he did not reconcile his past. Like, you know, like, and so the the movies, all throughout both movies, like there's this tension between Lance and Harper because Lance is man of faith, right? I go to the man upstairs. You know, I talk to, I talk to, you know, Big G-O-D. Right. Like, I feel like that's the way he talks about it. You know, me and the man, you know. We have a little talk. We talk. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's how I understand my life, how I come to conclusions. Right. And Harper is like, logic, reason, I don't need the Lord, you know, I don't understand the Lord. Right. And they have these moments throughout these movies where there's this tension, right? And this is why Harper writes, because he is trying to unearth and understand, right, his his inner world. Right. So like he was carrying that guilt and shame of what he did with Mia. So he wrote a book about it.

unknown 44:45

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_05 44:46

Right. And now he's carrying the guilt or shame of feeling like he's not a provider, right? And feeling like he can't do what he needs to do with his family. So he's trying to write another book.

SPEAKER_02 44:56

Right.

SPEAKER_05 44:56

Right. Like, and so like that, this is how he comes to understand his life and his world. Right. And and there's no sense of, you know, my answers are going to come from outside of myself.

SPEAKER_02 45:11

Right.

SPEAKER_05 45:12

Right. Like he he walks with this, I gotta understand life by figuring it out. But he misses, he, he misuses and abuses people in the process. Right. And so like it just becomes this theme that like his relationship with his wife is, you know, like everything is understood on his terms because he's used to being an author, right? He's used to being the one writing the narrative. And so he goes around writing people's narratives, right? But he doesn't, he's only seeing people from his perspective with his interests in mind. Right. And so even his relationship with Jordan, right? It works as long as it's playing to his interests. Right. But Jordan, again, this is explored more in the series. It's also explored more in the first movie. But you know, in this movie, Jordan got a boo.

unknown 46:11

Right, right.

SPEAKER_05 46:12

And the boo is fine. Okay. We all, all right. This for the most part is an African American movie. The cast is all African American, but Jordan brings this vanilla man. And we and I just remember being in the theater saying, I ain't mad. I ain't mad. I ain't mad. All right. Good casting. Okay. Good casting. Because if you're gonna do it, do it right.

Secrets Return And Communication Fails

SPEAKER_05 46:40

You know what I'm saying? He came in with the dimples. He came in with the swag. You know what I'm saying? He was hanging with the boys. Even Q was like, I like him, man. All right. He was like, I ain't scared of none of y'all. All right. I can hang tough. You are you on screen with Morris Chestnuts. Chestnut. Just one chestnut. Morris Chestnut, Tay Diggs, Terrence Howard, and Laura. What's uh uh Q uh uh merchant's real name? Um um um Harold Perinew, right? You you on screen with with these big time actors who, by the way, already did this movie before. Yeah, yeah, right, was already there, right? And and you come in, right, and you the only white, you the only white person on the screen. You the only white face we see, and you hang in tough, right? That's the kind of man I'd introduce to the group. Hey y'all, what this is Brian.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

What I really like, uh the the scene where they're in um they're playing pool and they're hanging, they're hanging out, and uh Merch starts to like spill some tea around um as only merch could do Jordan and uh and Harper. And so, and so what but it was but what what what uh Brian does, he's like I gotta be basically, you know, he don't use these words, he used his own words. I ain't gonna use them pocket.

SPEAKER_05 48:14

Yeah, don't use those.

SPEAKER_01 48:15

But uh he's like, what kind of weak man I gotta be to care about what happened 15 years ago?

SPEAKER_05 48:20

Yeah, and that but that's the but that's like everybody in here is on what happened 15 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 48:27

Yeah, brought up. He he he basically in in that one line uncovered all their problems. Like, yeah, why am I why am I even worried about that? It's like I ain't we I ain't that weak, like I'm cool, like it's fine, and and he he represents somebody who has a I think a healthy mindset about relationships and a healed mindset about relationships. Yes, he don't have all that baggage he's working with. Yeah, he's like I'm I'm out here trying to move forward with this person who you know who I love and I'm not really worried about her past like that, but all of y'all, that's all y'all worried about is each other past. Like, and so it's this great dichotomy in that, and it's like come on, dichotomy. He uncovers it in a line, and it's like and listen to Brian. Brian's trying to help y'all, yeah. Brian, Brian and Q, they try to help y'all, you know.

SPEAKER_05 49:20

Absolutely, because you know, and I I think it's so interesting. And Q was the one who said, I like him, man. Yeah, exactly. Like, because Q was like, finally, somebody else who's not stuck, like because all of y'all were all stuck in what happened, right? Even uh Merch's character, like his big drama is that, you know, Candace, who again used to be a stripper, that that that is how we were introduced to her in the first movie. You know, she's wonderful, wonderful, upstanding woman now. Okay, you know, they're not holding school together, yeah. They, you know, and she she's loved, beloved by by by the people in the school. But uh a video from 20 something years ago pops up of her doing stripper things, yep. You know, doing sex worker things, yep. And all of a sudden it's like this thing from the past is coming back to haunt y'all, right? And this and and y'all are stuck again, right? And instead, and I think something we gotta talk about because the biggest thing that this movie brings up continuously is how we don't communicate, right? Because he could have, in the moment that he first saw the video, right, right, right, right, right, wife, correct. You know what I'm saying? What a novel idea. Could have gone and talked to his wife about it, and this could have been easily squashed, easily, we could have problem solved together, we we could have been a team, but instead, you went to your boys, yeah, and not only told them about it, showed everybody the video, showed them, showed them, yeah, and so and then phones got mixed up, stuff got construed. Now Shelby got the video, yeah, and you gave my my nemesis access, ammunition, ammunition against me, like bruh, all of this could have been avoided. Like, why are you so afraid to have real conversations? That has been y'all's issue since the first movie. Ain't nobody having real conversations.

SPEAKER_00 51:37

Correct.

SPEAKER_05 51:38

You're you're you're not talking to each other, you're not talking to the right people. You talk to the wrong people.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

You talk to, yeah, you talk to the wrong people. You talking, you ain't talking to who you need to be talking to.

SPEAKER_05 51:47

And the fact that Harper still has no real boundaries with Jordan, like, you still giving her that forehead kiss? Are you serious? That's what caused, like, that was the big thing in the last movie. That that was how we knew that you played games because you have a signature forehead kiss that you give to these women, and you wrote a whole passage about it in your book, and now here we are 15 years later, and you still out here.

SPEAKER_01 52:15

And your pregnant wife catches you doing it. Yeah, you don't like you don't think that she wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_05 52:20

It's not what it seems. I almost said something. Yes, it is. He needed to be called a name in that moment. Yeah, yes, it is.

SPEAKER_01 52:31

Uh-huh. Yeah, it is. Yes, it is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 52:35

Yes, it is absolutely how it seems. Because why don't you have a boundary? Why why don't you but that again because when Harper writes the narrative, right? It's okay because I I can hear the story in my head of what I'm doing. In my head, I've written a narrative that I'm comforting a friend. I'm not considering my wife's narrative that this is the woman that I almost cheated on her with, wrote about in the book how much I really wished I had hit that, right? Like, and that there's still this ongoing, never-ending tension of will we, won't we?

SPEAKER_01 53:16

Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_05 53:17

You even as you've been married to me for 15 years.

SPEAKER_01 53:20

15 years. You know, that this was, and I think this is also something that is key to for for spouses or for people who are uh wanting to be married, is something that you have to always uplift your spouse in public. Always make sure that you are speaking well of your spouse in public around other people. Like my lord, because your spouse needs to feel like now. I'm not mean, you know, I'm not saying that you know, you don't you don't joke and laugh and play around. I'm not I'm not saying they don't have to always be, but you never you just never want to leave the door open for anybody to disrespect your person. Yes, you never want to leave that room, don't even leave room for it. Yeah, and so you would see throughout this entire movie, there's room left. There's what merch and candice and shelby, he leaves too much room.

SPEAKER_05 54:18

Oh now, merch is merch, merch should have got hit because ain't no way we doing, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 54:24

Harper and Jordan and and and Robin, Robin, there's too much room. He's giving too much room, you know what I'm saying? And it's like, hey, y'all gotta stop doing that. So you've you've chosen to be with these people, you've married them, you've built lives together. You gotta uplift them and and make sure that other people, and it really doesn't matter what your relationship is with the people around you, make sure that other people understand how you really feel about them because you're out loud with your respect. Like it's it's not just at the house. Be out loud with it, even if it makes them uncomfortable. My husband doesn't love he he don't he don't always like me complimenting him like that for real. Um, like he he's he's like, you know, he's like, okay, it's not a big deal. No, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it because it's true, and I'm gonna talk about you because it's true.

SPEAKER_05 55:18

Um and it's a good man, Savannah.

SPEAKER_01 55:22

Listen, and that's the thing, you know who you have. It's like I'm not and and I and you know, the reality is I ain't gonna say that. I ain't gonna go off on that, but but I think like understand who you have and let them know that you know who I have.

SPEAKER_05 55:40

Yeah, absolutely. And I just want to make it clear in case, you know, somebody ever, you know, whoever I marry, you go back and you watch the old episodes, you know, and you're like, hey, I just want to learn more about Kaquita. Let me go watch the episodes. That's a wonderful thing to do. Thank you for being here. I feel like you're watching right now. Okay, you know.

SPEAKER_01 55:59

I knew there was gonna be a plug in there somewhere. I was waiting for it.

SPEAKER_05 56:02

I'm so grateful. Well, I'm talking to I'm talking to him in the future now because he's gonna watch. But you know, listen, I'm words of affirmation.

Marriage Needs Intentional Friendship Merging

SPEAKER_05 56:10

Okay, hit me up, you know, especially in public, especially with my friends, okay. Let them know. Let them know.

unknown 56:16

Let them know.

SPEAKER_05 56:17

Absolutely, absolutely, especially in front of the woman that you thought you wanted to be with originally. That's all. Oh, you you you better be. Yeah, let me tell you something. Yeah, you shouldn't have any more, you shouldn't have enough words.

SPEAKER_01 56:33

And you don't have to be around, excuse me, they don't have to be around for you to talk about them. I think that's the other thing.

SPEAKER_05 56:39

Oh, absolutely. I don't think there's not, you know, especially when you kind of pair them against, right, Lance and Mia, right? Like Lance, his entire world was I'm protecting my diamond, my, my, my treasure, my, my, my, my, my everything. Like, everything I do is about her, right? Like, and I even even the sacrifice I'm making in allowing Harper to be here right now. I'm making because she asked me to. That's right. But everything I'm doing is about protecting, providing, covering, and making sure I'm the man that can do that, right? And then you got Harper. I don't remember him really ever saying nothing positive about Robin, whether she was in the room or not. No, I don't remember, you know, there was no It was always weird about it. Like, yeah. It was it was always like, I'm I'm casting doubt, or I'm making it seem like she can't do this or she can't do that, or but with Jordan, you know, man, Jordan just gets me. You know, Jordan's top of her career, Jordan's killing the game, you know, Jordan's out here. You think we don't see that?

SPEAKER_01 57:52

Yeah, man, you can't do that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_05 57:54

But you think we are blind? You think we don't stuff you don't think we get that you have an admiration for this woman that you don't have for me? Like you don't see that I'm special.

SPEAKER_02 58:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 58:06

And so I feel like for Robin, she keeps doing things because when people don't express to you how they feel about you, you start in in certain ways overcompensating or trying to make your mark, trying to help other people to understand and see you. Everybody wants to be seen, everybody wants to be appreciated, everyone wants to be understood. And when my partner's not doing it, um, you know what I'm saying? These your friends.

SPEAKER_00 58:37

These your friends, right?

SPEAKER_05 58:38

They ain't never really even been around Robin like that. That's right. They don't know her like that, right? And so now, you know, the cook canceled, and so on my pregnant feet, I'm cooking this whole dinner. It's it's like 12 of y'all.

SPEAKER_02 58:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 58:54

You know what I'm saying? There's a lot of food. She out here cooking a Thanksgiving meal. Then at the table, they like, hey, Robin, how about that dessert? You know what I'm saying? Y'all out here eating good. Because right, I had to make my mark, I had to make my contribution because there's nothing else giving you any indication of who I am in this space. And right, and we're talking about spouses because that's the context of the movie, right? But even in friendships, right? Like when you are like a huge part of our friendship has been affirmation.

SPEAKER_02 59:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 59:28

It's been recognizing, especially the older we get, the more special I realize that my friends are. You know what I'm saying? The more I realize I ain't no crew like mine. You know what I'm saying? I gotta, I gotta, the people who are in my inner court, y'all, y'all can't touch them. Right? You ain't got nothing on them, right? And and and letting people know that I have one, letting other people know, like these are I I have brought them along in every piece of my life. Where the people that I work with, my family, the people that are get introduced into my life, who are new to my life, like I I've brought my people with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, you know what I'm saying? Like everybody, you know, all my friends know, like Ruth and Joy, like they be like, oh yeah, you know. And not just because they seem on the podcast, because they're part of the story of who I am. I I I bring them along.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:30

Right? Like, and so yeah, you you're gonna hear about them. They're part of my narrative. That's right. Right. And so it was so funny. I was recently in Memphis, and um, I was at Ruth Abigail's church, and what's his name? Ricky.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:46

Uh Ricky, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:47

Man, shout out to Ricky, okay? Shout out to Ricky. That was a moment I really, really appreciate it, man. And we really, really appreciate you watching the show. Yeah, we do. And I, you know, but it caught me off guard because he was like, Man, I feel like I know you come on in. And he's like, I watched the podcast. And I was like, that is awesome. That's hilarious. You know what I'm saying? That is awesome. I was not expecting to be recognized at all, you know. But that was it was it was really, really cool. But that's because Ruth brought me along on on this podcast journey, right? Like, she she didn't have to, she had it by herself, right? But she brought me and Joy along, right? And so we're we're part of we're part of her community recognizes us as part of her life. Yeah, and you have to be intentional about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:40

You do.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:40

You have to be, people should know who your people are. Yeah, you should know.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:45

You should know who your people are. You better know.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:48

And it's a it's a lot of us running around, and we got these people over here, these people over there, but we're not, we're really not close to any of them. Right. And you need to, you need to, I think we're getting to an age in these middle adult years where you need to be intentional.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:06

You you need to be intentional about who you're letting in your life. Um, I I do so happen to watch, there's a very popular podcast uh going around right now. Um, and they play clips. I don't know if I should name it. Should I name the name of it?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

Sure.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:23

Okay, tonight's conversation. Okay. Right, it's it's a huge deal right now. Um, and they do have a lot of conversations about relationship advice, right? And half of the questions that come up there are from people who are in relationships and situations where it's like you're really not evaluating who you're letting into your life. You're really, you're really not evaluating who's in your circle, who's who like you you letting too many people in. Yeah. And and it's causing you, and the bigger, the biggest thing is is that you're not you're not dealing with your inner world to figure out why I got all these gates open. Why, why, why, why is this door so free where people can walk in and out? Yeah, that's true. Right. And and I think you have to you have to get to a point where you're making some choices. And I think Harper, he he don't he don't he doesn't he's not making choices because he's trying to rewrite the narrative to fit the way he wants his Jordan, he wants his Robin, he wants his Mia. That's fascinating. Right, he wants, and he wants

Leadership Visibility And Real Self Awareness

SPEAKER_05 1:03:35

his, he wants his guys. Yeah, and he wants everyone to fit in and nobody to feel like they should leave or that they should be upset at him. But bruh, you you trifling. Yeah. I mean, just just throughout all the movies, that's what you just you you just be like, man, you still trifling. Yeah. And maybe if you would really try the Lord, he can help you with that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:00

I mean, yes. And and I think like, you know, it it's he's he is there's a selfishness to his character um that it's pretty clear to us, but it's very unclear to him. And he is, you know, he's he's he I would say he's the least self-aware of the entire cast. Absolutely, you know. Um, but to your point, he is the most exposed. So like he's the least self-aware. He don't see himself, but uh like the world sees him. And that is a very um you have to be very careful about that because you can feel like you're authentic because other people see you and think they know you and you're known. You feel known, so you feel authentic, but really you're not. You're not so you don't know you, right? Yeah, sometimes you make the fact that other people know you make the fact that you know you uh real. It's not always the case. And um and his the people that were close that are closest to him try to help him see himself, but he can't get past. I think at this point, he can't get past being not known by the public. Yeah, that that is that is a that's a struggle. So he was he was known, now he's not. His people know him, but he doesn't he's not really responding to them. He kind of thrived off of that people know me and how you know the success that I have and all this stuff. And so I think it's something that is really important for us to be careful of it, especially in high high moments in our lives, we have a lot of eyes on you to not mix that up with self awareness.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:47

Um yeah, I'd also like to make the point if you are a leader who is in a position of influence where you are highly visible, it is Going to be it's so critical that you stay close to the people who know you for real. Man, look, it's so critical that public don't know you, they don't they don't know you, they don't they they know what you produce, they and you as you are building up these meaningful connections and relationships, be mindful of who you are allowing to have access because those are the people that will speak. You need the cues, yeah. You know what I'm saying? And you need the Lance, yeah, you need the Lance who one is gonna always remind you that you should be trusting God anyway. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, that you need to talk to the Lord, right? If Lance don't do nothing else, he'd be like, you know, the man upstairs. You know, the big he, capital H. Right, like, and you need somebody who has walked with you through some stuff, and that you have a level of trust where you can be 100% authentically yourself. Um, and you need people that pour into you and not just take.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:12

Um I I the one of the podcasts I listen to about leadership, one of the things that a lot I've heard a lot of people say is when you have that kind of notoriety, you need to have a moment where you come home and cut the grass. You know what I'm saying? You need to bring yourself back to I'm I'm no better than anybody else. I'm gonna cut my something, something that I could outsource, I'm gonna do myself to remind myself that I'm I don't live up here all the time. I at some point I gotta come back home.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:46

Yeah, I'm not cutting the grass, but I wash the dishes.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:49

There you go. I'm gonna wash the dishes, you know. I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do the laundry, or um, I'm gonna cook for the family, you know, once a week or whatever. Like I'm gonna I'm gonna contribute something that nobody will see. And so you don't, you're not always focused on what people can see and feel by what people see, but you allow yourself to do things that nobody will see that's gonna contribute to the people closest to you. Yeah. Um, you gotta have that balance. And um, that's in friendships, family, whatever, whatever, whatever your dynamic is, that's important. Like, you know, you can't always be out there at some point. You gotta come back home. Yeah and who are you at home? You can't be out there at home.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:33

And and uh I think that was a big uh misunderstanding that he had. He's like, I know how to be famous, I don't really know how to be a husband. Like, and he yeah, he had to learn, he he had to figure that out and learn the hard way. Like, you know, I'm sitting here being me, and I'm but I don't know how to be, I don't know how to be with her, really.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:56

Yeah, you know, yeah constant thing, but it and it, but it again it gets juxtaposed against Lance, who I would dare say might be more famous than you.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:07

A little bit.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:08

Okay, a lot of bit because he he out here on on the big dog football team. He's you know what I'm saying. He on the TV.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:15

He on the TV.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:16

You feel me? He on that TV, and um, but he comes home and is like wife is my world.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:24

He's at home, right? Yeah, that's right. It is yeah, it is this it's it's the difference. Um I love this movie.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:33

Same.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:34

It's a great movie. It really is.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:36

Great movie. I think, I mean, I I feel like we could talk another hour about it. There's there's so there's so there's so many themes. You could talk about parenting, you could talk about, you know, uh going through traumatic experiences, friendship, relationships, right? There's so it's so many themes, but I think that I think that really going through like that self-awareness piece and how that shows up in relationships and how you navigate that, I think is is really kind of like that key part. Because the more self-aware they became, the more they were able to come together. And that's what helped in the end at that graveside. See, Lord, mercy. When Lance fell to that ground and Harper did that double bet, he did that, and then ran and caught him.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:32

Oh that was it, boy. That right there, look, man. Don't don't don't don't don't put me in front of a screen with two strong men breaking down and no, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:43

I'm not gonna be alright. You're not gonna be okay. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna be alright.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:47

I'm done. I'm completely done.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:49

Like I'm not yeah, count me out the game.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:51

You you kidding me? Like that that scene was oh god, that was so heartbreaking.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:55

But I think it was also the scene where Harper realized I have to be a friend. Yes, right, like through throughout the whole movie, he was trying to figure out how he was gonna navigate his own crap, right? And that was the first moment where he was like, I need to be there for him. And it changed the nature of their friendship because he had he was that guy to him when they were in college. Probably not rightfully so, you know, like because Lance was out here, you know, doing whatever, right? But he was his, he was his

Graveside Breakthrough And Closing

SPEAKER_05 1:11:35

steady rock. He was his, you know, if I I, you know, as I'm rising in notoriety, I know this man is real, correct. Which is why the betrayal hit so hard. Correct. Because you were the person that I could lean on the most. Correct. And when tragedy almost reversed history because it allowed them to come back to the point where Lance didn't have to be the strong one.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:05

You know what I'm saying? Where Lance could be the one who needed something.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:09

Yeah, that's good. That's really good.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:11

You know, because throughout the entire movie, he had been in control. You know, he had too in control. Like he had he had been like, because he was like, it's all right. We have faith, God's gonna heal her. We ain't worried about nothing. That's all right, baby, go back to bed. It's it's all good. Yeah, it's all right. Don't worry about it, don't nobody worry about a thing. Yeah, you need something, I got you. You need something that got you. Right, and then getting to that point where now he's the one that has the needs.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:40

And needs. That's right.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:42

And the person who had been the neediest, who had been the most selfish, who had taken the most, was the one that had to to be to to be the one that was there.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:54

You know, yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:55

Yeah, that was that was a beautiful that was a beautiful scene. Like, yeah, it really was. That was a boy, that was a beautiful scene. It was heartbreaking. It was a good time. It was beautiful. Um, well, all right.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:07

Best man holiday. Again, I don't recommend the series, it is weird, but a lot of these relationships are further explored in the series. And I wish I could tell you why it's weird. It was a lot going on, it was some hallucinogenic substances, it was some weird relationship dynamics. It was weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:32

Interesting. Yeah, because I really don't know why you keep saying weird is a is a is an interesting word to use.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:37

It was weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:38

So I'm what I'm sitting here like, I've never seen it.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:41

Because it, you know, like sometimes you want a storyline to take an unexpected turn, and then but in this one, you were just like, Stop. You didn't want that, please. Y'all just making stuff up.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:55

Did it did it last for more than one season?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:57

No, but I mean, I think it was only supposed to be one season. Okay, yeah. And like the first couple episodes, I was okay, but then it got weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:10

I'll take your word for it.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:12

Yeah, it got weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:13

I don't plan on watching it. Um all right, y'all. That's it. We uh we appreciate y'all hanging with us every week. Uh, like, share, subscribe, make a comment, let us know um that you're out there. Let's keep growing the community. Share what you um share, share the content. Yeah, catch us in public, y'all. That's a love. Let us know that you see us, okay? Catch us in public. Listen, catch us in the streets. Uh, we appreciate y'all. And until next week, let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom. Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearnt Podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.