Stop Running Towards Comfort… It’s Keeping You Stuck!

Warm Welcome And Quick Reset

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Hello, everybody, and welcome once again to the Unlearned Podcast. I'm your host with Abigail, aka R A. What's up, friends? It's your girl, Jaquita. And this is the podcast, folks, that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience just a little bit more freedom.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Just a little bit more freedom. Let me tell you something. Ruth, how are you doing out in these streets?

SPEAKER_02 0:27

I'm okay. I'm all right.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

That's that, listen, that is the way of the middle adult. You know, I found myself today. I was uh walking. I had to do a lot of walk. Hold on, y'all. My throat is really dry.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

It's like this is about to be bad. We can start over. I think that'll be easier.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

But I need to get oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

It's just something just in there, you know.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

This is fun. All right. Well, great. Producer Joy has a little work for herself.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Um, I was let's just start over. We weren't we can start over. Yeah, we yeah. Can we start over, Joy? Oh, okay. Great. All right. Hold on. It looked like a like you almost like you swallowed a bug.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

It's not like a bug, it's just like a little tickle bag.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

No, I'm saying your face would look like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Well, I just I just I just feel like if I had kept talking, I was like, this is gonna get worse. That's fair. All right, I got a fresh cup of water.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

Now after that, I'm out of water. Alright, y'all ready? Alright, let's do it. All right, here we go.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Hello, everybody, and welcome once again to the Unlearned Podcast. I'm your host with Abigail, a K-A-R-A.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

What's up, friends? It's your girl Jaquita.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

This is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you can experience just a little bit more freedom. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Okay. Thank you. All right. Um, so uh yeah, uh, so freedom. Um, we're we're gonna get free today from something that I think none of none of us really want to be free from.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Let me tell you something. In the let's just be honest in the pre-show conversation. Y'all almost ain't get this episode right here. Yeah, okay, because I was not ready for the levels of conviction and correction that that the Lord was taking me through before the episode even aired. Let's just be honest. I hope y'all appreciate, you know, again, we call this a labor of love, all right. We do it for y'all, okay. But y'all don't y'all don't understand the cost, okay. I gotta change my whole life around.

Why Comfort Must Be Challenged

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Quinn really wasn't, she was like, you know what? I think I'm gonna buy out of this one. I think this is not for me anymore. Uh, and that's understandable, you know what I'm saying? Because this is this is a tough one. We're gonna talk about um getting free from comfort. My god, yo.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Ooh, ooh, that's deep. That's deep, that's deep, you know, because I think you just don't realize comfort for most of us is something that we have built. It is the padding around our lives that we built based off of what we've been through, what we've experienced, right? It's like you're like, I don't want to experience that hard thing again. So I have built some insulation in. Okay, I've built in some padding so that if I ever encounter something like that again, it won't hurt me like it did before. Right. And when you think about comfort, you've been you've probably been building up systems of comfort since you were young. We all have right, like you, yeah, like you know, like comfort isn't just this is what I really like to do. Comfort is this is how I survive. That's right. That's good. Unfortunately, uh, being a leader and being a follower of Christ, the comfort, comfort has to come, uh has to get snatched sometimes because we don't always let it go. Well, I say this sometimes it gets snatched, and sometimes you go through a season where the Lord requires you to give it up. And those are two different two significantly different seasons.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Or sometimes you just forego what you could have.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Now, Ruth. All right, guys, I guess we're hopping straight in. All right, we're coming with daggers today. This is your pre-warning. First of all, before we say that, like, share, and subscribe, you know. Listen, we want you to join the community. We have a great time over here on the Unlearned Podcast, just two middle adults talking about everything that we've had to unlearn from our 20s, moving into our middle adult years. And listen, we want y'all to join the community before we come in here slicing and dicing. I'm about to say, it hurts us too. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

It hurts share it now. Don't like share it now. You know what I'm saying? Because you might not feel like sharing it later.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Listen, go get you a blanket, a little pillow, because I feel like the Lord is coming for throats today. Not throats, but he coming, you know how they he coming for toes. He's coming for your toes. Toes we stepped on today. Okay.

Separate Homes Marriage And Sanctification

SPEAKER_02 5:42

So, so uh, so I this I was reflecting. Well, I'll say this. I saw this, and y'all seen this pop up on your on your feet. This is really what kind of sparked the um idea uh to really lean into this because uh, you know, we that there's been a cultural conversation about uh women who are a little older and not married and want to get married. But there's this trend that's like, I want to be married, but I want to live at a different house than my spouse, right? They out there with the new ideas. It's just like, you know, and like so, so y'all may have heard um Cheryl Lee Ralph. Cheryl Lee Ralph? Yes, yeah, that's her name. Yeah. So she and her husband live on totally different sides of the country and have forever. And she is basically, I think she kind of sparked it. He's the first person I heard talk about it. And then you have other women like uh um uh uh Cheryl Underwood, she said she spoke on it. Um Kiki Palmer has spoken on it, and several other people who are like, yeah, like I do want to be married, like I want to come in a relationship, but he can live down the street. And it's like, and so it's it just got me thinking, like, huh, that is a really interesting thing. Hey, look, let me just disclaimer. Do you I we ain't here to tell you what to do with your relationship? That ain't got nothing to do with us.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

I would like to make a disclaimer for my future husband who may be out there and wondering, I'd like to live in the same home. I don't want you, you know, before this conversation got too far, you know, I like to cut myself off from opportunities, you know. I just wanted to be clear and then you know, a little bit more traditional than that.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

Sure. But that's you know what I'm saying? But it's interesting though, because having been married for almost three years now, oh okay. Uh uh I, you know, this when I'm hearing this and I'm hearing people talk about like that desire, I started to think about okay, how would that work? And like what how I don't not really sure how how I would know that I would feel married if we lived in separate places intentionally. Now, sometimes you have to for a season. I get that. But like if it was our plan, I live in my house, you live in down the street in your house, we see each other when we want to, and then we go back to our separate corners. Like that's like a per to me, that's like perpetual dating. It's not marriage. Because that's what that's what he and I did when we were dating. I mean, that's us. Like he's like, hey, you know, we see each other when we see each other. But marriage, you know, it wouldn't feel like marriage. Now that I I get that that's just my that's just my experience. Because there's something about being in somebody's space that that takes away the option to focus on yourself.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Yes, being in someone's space, and also there's something about uh taking yourself away from the responsibility of having to become who that person needs. Correct. And and not just play a role for a little bit, like, hey, while you're here, I know you like this and I know you like that, so I'm gonna do this, and then you try to do whatever I want to do, right? But actually, the process of sanctification that the two becoming one will take you through, I do think that the separate homes idea kind of says, hey, we can become one in theory, right? But not necessarily in practice, not in practice, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:21

And like this idea of you know, you have yours and I have mine, right? And and and this, so so the coming together is is a very limited thing. And um, I think I I I it's it would be hard to experience, I think, the beauty of all that marriage has to offer if that if we take the discomfort out of that process, yeah. Um, and because I I would be the first to say it is not easy and it's not comfortable.

When Comfort Blocks Growth

SPEAKER_00 9:56

You know, thank you for saying that. That was a great lead into what I was about to say. I I have seen some memes though that are like this is how married people talk about marriage. It's hard, man. You know what I'm saying? We out here fighting for our lives. You know, this is the most difficult thing I've ever done. You know, like, and like, you know, like uh being single, hearing that message a couple of times, you start thinking. You be like, you know what? You start coming up with creative solutions. Okay, that's good, right? That's real. We ain't gotta live in the same house. Maybe that's real. It ain't gotta be the soldier moment everybody says it's gonna be. Maybe I ain't gotta fight for the rest of my life. That's a really good point, quick. But I think it is there is a prioritization in our culture and just in probably how we've navigated life just naturally. There is a prioritization of comfort, right? Like, especially in you know, this modern world, we're in a first world country, we have access to so much technology. AI is comfortable, you know. Yeah, it is. I don't have to read all these books, AI can give me a three-sentence summary about this whole book. This 300-page book can be summed up in three sentences. How about that? Right. And so I think that we live in a world that is pushing us toward being comfortable comfortable. I also believe that right when you think about comfort, right? Again, this is stuff that we we we build a lot of times, we build comfort around things that are uncomfortable, right? Like it is, it is it is what we house, the things that challenge us, the things that threaten us, the things that we feel um we feel like could be poking and prodding at us. We build systems of comfort around those things. And sometimes, you know, I think we've had a lot of conversations about how we build up personalities around what we're trying to avoid or what we're trying to give an answer for in our life. And I think a lot of times the things that you may feel are comfortable, I think at some point in your middle adulthood life, in your leadership life, you're gonna have to check those things because those are the very things that are keeping you from progressing.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Correct. And I think uh, and I like how you started. It's like, you know, what are the two, what are the things you said um in the beginning, Quita? And if it doesn't come to you, we don't have to sit here and you know think on it too much. But I just I think you said it in a very good way, like what being comfortable can produce. Um listen to that. Um, yeah, it was good.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

I want y'all to exercise your tools, rewind. You know what I'm saying? Rewind, rewind.

Shallow Water Faith And Leadership

SPEAKER_02 12:48

Thank you for that. Yeah, but do that. We but but I I do think that that like it is important to understand uh what comfort is doing for you. And and then and be honest about that. Because we're we're I don't think we're here to say that being comfortable is wrong. That's not that's not the message. That's not the message, that's not the message, just to be clear. Uh-huh. We are saying that sometimes though, we can elevate comfort over growth, and that can be detrimental to you as a person. And so that's what you said. God can either snatch you, can he can snatch your comfort, uh you can get your comfort snatched, or you can willingly give it up, uh, or he can require you to give it. Require you to give it, yeah. And or you can choose to do neither and stay stuck. So that that those are those are kind of the options here. And if comfort is getting in the way of your moving forward, of you growing, of your progression, and of of how you um relate and and are being uh how your relationship with God uh is showing up. If comfort is doing this, comfort is impacting those things in a negative way, then it might be something that we have to check and you know, as as we like to say in the church, put on the altar. Amen. Um burn that thing up because it is not something that is worth the things that come because you it's not worth the things that come as a result of saying I'm going to surrender comfort for something better. Um and oftentimes the better is on the other side of something uncomfortable. And I think the reason is because like I like I think we are because we because we have uh because comfort exists in something that is uh we're familiar with, you know, comfort is often tied to the familiar. And when you're familiar with something, you've kind of reached the limits of what it's going to do for you. And so you're you're just you're swimming in it, and you're swimming, and you're swimming, and you've been swimming. You aren't going anywhere, but you're swimming. And now it's like, okay, it's like it's like being, it's like it is like swimming. It's like, okay, you've been swimming in in five foot. You know, if you like me, I'm short, but I can still stand in five feet. I'm cool. But once I hit that six foot mark, now I'm like, okay, I gotta actually work. I don't really want to work that hard. I don't have to work that hard. So I'm gonna just stay over here. Right. I'm gonna stay over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretend like I'm scratching in the water, just crashing the water, like like I'm doing something. And and there's there's no threat that is going to put like I don't have there's nothing, no, nothing I have to work for at that point. Yeah, and I don't have to work until I get to a deeper end. And now when I get to a deeper end, I gotta put in more work and more skill to stay up.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Not only more work and more skill, when you are in the four foot, five foot range, your feet are on the bottom. You have complete, you're grounded, you know what I'm saying? You know what's beneath you, you know what's around you. You can see to the bottom of the pool. The deeper you go in the water, the more unknown that territory is. That's correct, right? And you have you don't have the ability to just hoist yourself up. Like you, you can't stand in it, so you have to float in it, you have to swim in it. And you, you know, I used to tell people, because um, listen, I'm working on it, saints and friends, but I cannot swim. Um, I can float. I'm a great floater, okay. Wonderful floater, but I cannot swim. And I used to tell people, I don't trust the water. Like, I don't trust the water to hold me up, I don't trust the water to keep me. I I don't trust this water. Like this water, if I pick this water up in my hands, it goes right through it. Yeah, right. Like, what you mean? I'm supposed to learn how to maneuver through the water. The water don't have no structure, okay? I don't trust it. Um, but I think that that's such a great, y'all know we love a metaphor, and I I'm gonna go ahead and apologize now if this comes back up a few more times in the conversation, okay? But but this might have been our identified metamor, our I am for the uh for the conversation. But you know, I I I think that there is such a reality to having to go to the deep end to discover what that there's more. Because you're never gonna discover that there's more with your feet planted on the ground.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

No, you're not.

The Lukewarm Fear And Obligation

SPEAKER_00 17:35

No. You have to get to the point where you're where your body is trusting in something greater than yourself in order to get to your next level. There you go. And a lot of times when we are standing in the shallow end of the pool, you really there's no fear. There's no, there's no, there's no question in your mind if you can navigate that space. Y'all want to play a little Marco Polo? Y'all want to throw a ball around? What y'all want to do? Because I can do anything over here. But when I go into the deep end, I'm way more aware of my capabilities, my capacities, and my incapabilities. You know, I'm I'm I'm fully aware of what I can't do. I'm fully aware that I cannot walk this terrain. And if I have not, if I have not as a leader, uh strengthened myself to be able to navigate the deep end and to and to go to that next level of trust. Because leadership is not about being, it's not about being able to uh influence people. I mean, it is, but it's also about being able to trust. Trust your God, trust what he put in you, trust where he put you. Let me tell y'all something. So much of leadership is trusting that God has put you where you're supposed to be. Because there's gonna be moments where you question it. There's gonna be moments where you say, Why am I here? Surely so-and-so could do a better job than this. Correct. Surely so-and-so would know what to do with this with this situation, right? But there comes a point in time in leadership where you realize it was never you anyway, and I was always gonna have to depend on God. Fun fact uh, we're about to uh get uh into uh uh personal territory here, and I I wasn't planning on telling this little story, but here we are. I think it was late last week uh I called Ruth Abigail because I was having a moment, and uh I was having this moment where I was asking myself, have I become lukewarm?

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Uh-oh, here we go. This is good.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yeah, I know, right? Because I didn't think I was going here, but here I am. All right, so let's go before I change my mind. Let's go. I was I was asking myself, have I become lukewarm? Because I don't feel the same, you know. I am a person, anybody who knows me, I think, especially in my 20s and in my early 30s, you know, in my young adulthood years, I think one of the first words anybody would have used to describe me would be passionate. Because everything that I believed I was on fire about, right? To the point where, you know, you won't go toe to toe, we go toe to toe about it. Okay, I went to school for this. All right, I'm ready to say what I need, what I think needs to be said. And I got to a place where I just felt like I was just going through the ropes. Like I'm showing up here because people expect me to show up here. I'm doing this thing because people expect me to do this thing. I don't really feel aligned in this area of my life, but I'm doing it because this is where God put me. And so I'm trying to do the best that I can here, but I don't feel connected to the parts of me that were on fire. And I had to, I'm really asking myself, Lord, have I gotten to a point where you can't trust me with more? Right? Like, have I gotten to a point where I have, because I think a part of it, a part of lukewarm is right, you're not hot, you're not cold, you're stuck in the middle, right? And it's kind of like being on the cusp. I'm 5'11, so I'm almost 60. So, you know, that five-foot water, I'll be chilling in. I'll be like, hey guys, come over here, right? But like it's being on that cusp of of being, you know, where where you're safe to being where you don't feel safe, but you're trusting God. And I think as middle adults, we have we get to these points where everything that made us comfortable is about to make us complacent if we don't figure out how to move past where we've been so we can get to where we're supposed to be going. And I really think I hit that point where I was like, where I'm at is not where I'm supposed to be. Yeah. It's comfortable. Nobody's looking at me and saying Jaquita's not doing anything or Jaquita, nobody's even saying Jaquita's not doing enough. I think everybody's looking and saying Jaquita's doing a lot. But have we also gotten to a point where doing a lot has become comfortable? For sure. Building our name and building and under everybody having a dependency on you for everything, right? What do you do? I do this, this, this, this, and that, right? And then they got me doing this, this, this, this, and that because I'm a leader and because they know I can do it. So they just keep giving me the things to do. Have we become comfortable in doing the in doing everything, but not doing our thing?

SPEAKER_02 22:45

I think that is a great point.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Yeah. And so I realized from this conversation, I realized it wasn't necessarily about being lukewarm. It was more so I I just didn't know how to get myself out of this place of feeling like I'm doing stuff out of obligation and not because I I don't necessarily know what my passion is for it anymore. And so, but there are there are inklings around me that are telling me because you have to come deeper. Right? Because you because you have you you're not gonna find it in the shallow end. Yep. And if you and if you will remain committed to being comfortable, you will never figure out what else God has for you. You have to go into the deep end. Yeah, that is a walk of trust.

Weariness And The Deep End Paradox

SPEAKER_02 23:39

I I think that one of the things that we talked about what can the desire to be comfortable can come from is this idea of weariness. And when we get because I think you make a great point. Now you didn't name this, so I'm not I'm not saying this with you, but I think for that.

SPEAKER_04 24:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

But people, I think there are a lot of people because we because comfort for a lot of us has meant being busy and doing a lot of different things. We don't realize the type of exhaustion we've been running with for so long. My Lord. And so now when somebody says go deeper, it feels like there is no way. I'm not going deeper. Like, why would I do that? That is too much. Um, and I and I think, but the the beautiful thing is uh when you're going deeper, and this is and I listen, I'm not a swimmer. I I I probably could survive if I had to, but I don't like the water and I don't like swimming. But I've taken swimming lessons and I will say this it is easier to stay up in deeper water because you aren't you aren't working as hard as you are in shallow. So because you you know, just the way the way that nature works.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Because the buoyancy of the water. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

It's just it's working you. It's working with you. It's it's it's what it's working, it's working with you. And when you learn to, when you learn to let the water work with you, uh huh, you do not have to struggle as much. When we struggle, it's when we get afraid.

unknown 25:23

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

And when we're panicking. Uh-huh. And now we're doing all this extra stuff and you're running out of breath and you're you're doing what you what you're used to doing, which is doing too much. And so now, now you're in trouble because you might drown. But if you just allow the water to work, my lord, you will stay up. Like that's that's science. That's gonna happen. And so I think if if we understand that the busyness we feel now in all these different areas and the obligations that we're doing, and it's like I've become comfortable, even though I'm tired, it's my comfort zone. I know how this works, it's familiar. And somebody's asking me to go deeper, and it feels like more work.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

The reality is deeper is less work, it's less work. That's good, Ruth.

Stop Doing Everything And Go Deep

SPEAKER_00 26:17

That's good. It's less work. Absolutely, but you don't figure that out till you get the deeper. Till you do it. That's till you just do it. You know, and so, you know, there are there are, and I think I think what's important for middle adult leaders and those of us who are finding ourselves moving from one level of leadership to another, from one level of anointing to another, from one level of your call or an assignment to another, is that I think that like we get afraid of the more. But, and I think we just recently did a Freedom Friday where I talked about how important it is to move from this kind of jack of all trades mentality um to this, I specialize in this and going deeper, not because you can't go deeper in everything. In everything, you cannot. You cannot, everything that's on your plate right now, you cannot carry everything into the next place that God is calling you. You have to figure out what is it that God is calling me to right now, and allow yourself, that's what leads you to the deep end. Because what um what God is pulling out of you for your next season, it's not something that's foreign to you. It's just it has to be isolated so that it can be prioritized and God can speak to you about that thing. But when you are so spread out and everything is so thin, you feel like you have to keep your feet on the ground or you will, as the young folks say, crash out. Yes. Okay, like you like you feel like you are tossing so many balls in the air and trying to keep everything afloat. I told y'all we're gonna stay with this little wear it out, we're gonna wear it out till it can't be worked no more. It's what we do. Welcome to the Unlearned Podcast, right? But but you're trying to keep everything afloat, and you cannot be worried about everything that you have in the pool with you and not have your feet on the ground. So the only way what's gonna lead you out there is the one thing that God is calling you to, the one thing that God is pulling you, pulling out of you and is requiring of you. And if you just have that one thing, it's much easier to trust the water.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Much easier.

SPEAKER_00 28:44

By the way, if y'all haven't caught on, the water is God, like that's right.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

You know, just in case we missed it, you know.

Millennial Leadership As A Bridge

SPEAKER_00 28:52

We're just trying to make sure everybody's fully getting the metaphor here. We're there. Yeah, that's important. Going deeper in in God is also going deeper in you. So the Bible says, one of my favorite scriptures, deep calleth unto deep, right? Like there's something, there's something deeper that God is calling out of you, and he's using the depth of himself to call it out. Like he's calling you to come deeper in him because he's calling something deeper out of you. Yeah, and I think that we are, I say we because I I identify with with our listeners, I identify with our audience, and I think that we are at a point where the purpose of this podcast is to provide a voice that is calling out from the deep and saying, hey guys, we gotta go. We gotta go deeper. That's right. We gotta go, we gotta go deeper. That's right. And so, and so I think that, but there's there's so much on our shoulders. I was just talking with a younger Menti uh this week, and I was telling her, um, you know, I I really feel like a part of the call of the millennials is to be a bridge between generations, right? Millennials, we stand in the middle of everything. I mean, it's it's it's almost in like the entire understanding of who we are, right? We in the middle of, we we get Gen Z and Gen Alpha, like we like, all right, we got y'all, you know, like we understand y'all, you know. Uh actually we get confused with y'all sometimes because they don't realize that we're older now, you know. They think we're still kids, right? And and also we were raised by these older generations, so we get y'all, and and there has to be somebody in this age that will help young people to get to their next level. But being a bridge is tiring. You feel like you get walked on all the time, you feel like people take you for granted, right? You feel like people just riding over you and not considering you, right? The bridge doesn't get a lot of attention, but it is necessary for people to get from point A to point B. And I feel like we as millennials who are our current age middle adults, we carry a lot. We carry a lot, we do a lot. Millennial leadership looks uh looks heavy. It it doesn't always look specialized. It looks like I do 10 million different things in 10 million different places. Um, you know, in my church, in my home, at my job, in my friend groups, you know, in my mentorship relationships, right? We're holding up a lot of different weights. But I think the challenge is that God is calling, there is an area of our lives that God is calling us deeper in. It's not all the areas, but I think that we have to spend time with God to figure out where is God calling me to go deeper in. And that doesn't mean that I forsake everything else, but maybe I trust God to keep those things afloat instead of me trying to keep all the balls in the air. I trust God to do that while I also trust God with me, with my feet off the ground. Um, and I I think we are at a critical point of trust. It's it's critical. It's critical because this is the deciding point between staying where you are and and and getting pruned so that you can you can produce more fruit and where God is taking you.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

So Queen of talked about her life. I'm gonna talk about mine. This is I didn't intend on doing this, but I'm gonna do it because if they get it fits, and I'm only doing it because I love y'all. So don't tell me I didn't say nothing. But um there is I am in a season of my life where this is very real for me right now, okay, in a lot of different ways.

Pregnancy Discomfort And Forced Trust

SPEAKER_03 32:45

I will be having another child.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Um, y'all know we have an 11-year-old, so he's gonna get a little brother.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Um my lord, I did not think we were doing this today. Hello, I didn't think we were doing this. Welcome to pregnant Ruth Abigail.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

I didn't know we were gonna do this either. I have made no announcements on Facebook or Instagram, I and I don't intend on it. This will be the only social.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Y'all only gonna see this if you watch the episode.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

Absolutely. Okay, nor am we clipping this out. Producer Joy, we ain't clipping this out. This ain't going on the social. You got to watch it. Yeah. Nah. Uh, but this, you know, if you've ever been pregnant, and this is my first time, it is a real season of discomfort. This isn't, I mean, there are beautiful moments, though. Don't get me wrong. There have been really great moments. I think in this moment, I am not comfortable right now. Like there's a lot of yeah, what's going on? It's a lot going on that I am not in control of. Um, and that I don't have any, like, I have no options but just to let it, let it go. Like you just have to let it, you have to get through it. And so this also puts me in a position like work-wise, where I'm gonna be gone, right? For three months. I've never, I've never gone, I've never left work for that long. Um I do, I just don't even that just it's not even a it's not, I can't even really, it's hard for me to even contemplate that. Like it's hard. So this idea of trust, this idea of deeper, this idea of um discomfort is very relevant in my life in a very real way that it's like there is, I don't have an option. Like it's not optional. This is one of those. Um, God is requiring this of me. My body is requiring this of me, right? Um there is I my my my deeper right now is saying you're preparing to bring a life in this world. That's the only thing on your plate at the end of the day. That's what's on your plate. For me, that is a very uncomfortable place to be. Yeah, because I uh that I'm not, I don't, that is not how my normal function is. My normal function is having my hands in different pots doing different things, and that's my comfort zone. That's where I like to be. I feel like I live very well there. But in this season, and that's not to say that I won't get back there, but in this season right now, the deeper is you focusing on one thing, which means there I have to trust that God is going to make ways to handle which He already has, all these other things that I'm used to being in because I don't have that option right now. I can't work full days no more. Like I mean, I got about four or five hours in me and I'm done. I can't get up as early as I want to get up because I used to be an early riser. Nope. Uh, you know, I can't tell me at 10. What you doing?

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Because I I'm not an early riser. She's not.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

I I I was up at six.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

I'd be out of the house, and Ruth be like, hey, how you doing?

SPEAKER_02 36:15

Uh uh like, you know, I used to be up at six o'clock, man, like rolling. And I used to call Queen at 7, 7:30. She and she would she would be like, Why are you calling? Like, what I'm not ready to talk to anybody. So it's just my life has just flipped. Um, and it it's it is a it's a very humbling thing. It's a reminder. And we say it like this: if I refuse to do what I know I'm being called to do right now, there are a lot of things that would be in jeopardy, including a human life, right? That's just the reality. Um and other things, like even the organization would be in jeopardy because I'd be sitting here trying to hold something I'm not meant to hold right now. And and so, you know, it's just you have to know when your season is to go deeper in an area. It impacts everything around you, not just you.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

When you don't move, and I think that's such a great point that you just made that the things that you are trying to uphold and you're trying to overmanage and over-control, and you are putting those things in jeopardy by not trusting them to God and to the people that God has told you to delegate those things to. You you put those things in jeopardy because you don't actually have capacity. No, that's right. You don't have capacity, and you gotta know, sorry to be church, you gotta know who got the oil at the moment to do the thing. And you ain't got it. You know what I'm saying? Like that's because that's not where you're called to be. You know, it it's and and I think, you know, for those of us who are, you know, for my single friends, hello friends, I got your back. I'm with you, right? We're we're birthing things in the spirit, okay. I understand, right? You can't, but no, but seriously, like there is something that you are called to do that is going to require your full attention and your full, your God is gonna require your full ear, he's gonna require your full heart, he's gonna require your full attention, he's requiring it in this season, and in a season where there's a lot of voices, there's a lot of things being said in the atmosphere. Pick up on it, people, pick up on it, right? There's a there's a lot of things going out. It is it is so critical, it is so necessary that we who are the called of God, the chosen of God, those that God has entrusted with leadership, with influence, with impact, that we are really tuned in in this season to where we're called to be and what we're called to do. You know, like it is, it is it is imperative that that you are not continuing to do things in a way that just makes sense to you. Because honestly, what makes sense to you, you have built, you know, for me when I went through my healing classes, you know, the thing that I really learned the most was that like safety was like my number one thing. I need to feel safe. Like it's it's not a want, it's a need, right? But even your needs, the Lord will require. The Lord, the Lord will say, Yeah, you do need to feel safe in me. Come on, you do need to feel safe in my word. Come on, you know, and so and you have to, you don't get to just keep saying, you know, I feel safe when I have this and this in order, and I have all things like how I like them, and I feel safe when I know exactly what's gonna happen. You don't get to say that because you're a leader, you don't get to say that because you're anointed, you don't get to say that because you're a person of impact and influence, you don't get to say, I require this to feel to feel safe. What you get to do is trust God. What you have the privilege and the honor of doing is believing that God is gonna carry you from point A to point B. And if you're in that deep end and you can't swim, you're gonna trust God that He's gonna keep you afloat. Either you're gonna have to learn how to swim or you're gonna have to allow God to carry you through, but you have to go to the deep end. You have to because you have done it, you get to a point where you have done all you can do in the shallow end.

SPEAKER_02 40:53

That's it. Yeah, you've done all you can do, there's nothing else to do.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

And and and the truth of the matter is that your impact and your influence is still there. You don't have to be there anymore. You don't have to be there, and sometimes, and I I think another good uh point is is that when God, because I think a lot of times, especially as middle adults who have seen leadership and we've seen ourselves shift from one thing to the next, to the next, to the next, we really think that God's next move is gonna be in our next shift. And we're looking for external shifts that signify, okay, yeah, God is calling me to something else. I knew that. All right, everybody have a wonderful time. Uh, I'm moving to the next pool. I'm no longer in this pool, actually. So I want to wish y'all well with this pool, but I'm I'm I'm headed to the next. And the Lord may not shift your circumstances, but He He does need to shift you. And the scripture that I've really been uh studying, I've been studying Jacob and Esau, and the scripture that keeps coming to mind is the heart is deceitful and and and you know and wicked. And like, but I keep planning on that deceitful part, right? Like your heart has convinced you of something that may not be true. Absolutely. Your heart has convinced you of of an image, of a reality, of of something, and when you think about deception, it is causing you not just to believe something, but to act it out. It is causing you to to create a scenario around you that that that presents itself like it's right, but it's not. Yeah, and there's a lot of areas in our lives that we have convinced ourselves this is right for me because I feel safe. This is right for me because I feel comfortable here. This is right for me because people give me a lot of compliments about it, and people tell me that I do a really good job at it, and because I know I can do this well, so this is right for me. When really God may not be calling you to the thing that comes easily in everything, in every area of your life, and I mean this seriously, ask God what he's calling you to trust him with, yeah. Because he's calling for us to give it back to him. That's what he's calling for. Yes, he is not calling for you to to handle it better or to do better with it or to say, hey, you know what? I'm just gonna take this thing and just keep making it better. And the Lord is saying, actually, the way you do that is you trust me with it and not try to do everything on your own strength.

Releasing People Without Walking Away

SPEAKER_02 43:45

And uh, I think the thing that um I'm gonna go back to to this relationship thing for a second because the hardest thing to trust pe to trust God with is people, um, in my personal experience. It is it that is the hardest thing to say I trust you with this person right and um that that's in any kind of relationship a friendship a family member marriage your kids like you know to release that and and that there is there is comfort in uh holding on yeah because I feel like I'm in control um and so when when God has is is calling you to deeper oftentimes he's calling you to let go and one of the things that we don't do a good job of letting go let letting go is people letting people go not in a sense of I'm done with you but in a sense of I'm no longer going to try to fix you I'm no longer going to try to make you something that I want you to be I'm no longer going to try you know I'm saying I'm gonna get out of that but I'm still gonna be here with you and that that is the discomfort because a lot of times when we say we're gonna let you I'm I'm giving you to God that means I go this way you go that way back to the to the to the marriage metaphor with the house. You go this way I go that way I'll I'll connect with you when we ready that that's not that's that is not I think the relationship that God intends for us to have with anybody where the where the where the discomfort comes from is I release you to God and I'm not going anywhere. That is hard that is hard and that is uncomfortable but that is the stuff of that's the stuff of growth because we think about it and I think this is where that cultural logic breaks down especially for Jesus followers is that's exactly what Jesus did with us. I'm not going anywhere I'm you may be doing this and I'm gonna have to release you but I'm gonna still be here and that is to do what you're doing to release you to do what you're doing. I'm not like I there's a point where you know God God's you know he's not he's not pulling strings he gives you free will you do what you do and but God doesn't go anywhere when you choose to move away from him for whatever reason and and so that is that is the reality of relationships.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

And that is I think for a lot of us where a lot of the depth of our discomfort comes from whether that's a parent that's a child that's a spouse that's a coworker um that's somebody those are people there are people in our lives that we would much feel much more comfortable just distancing ourselves from like I don't I don't like I realize that you're here and I don't want to be here with you but if we're going to go deeper if we're going to follow God and trust God into the deeper then we say I release you and I stay put you know it's giving Abraham you know it's it's giving leave this land and go to a place that I'll show you it's giving Jacob having to leave home like I think that there is a point in everyone's development you know it's giving David who had to leave home like there is a point where you leave what you've known and you leave what's been comfortable and you trust God on an unknown journey. You know you God may have may or may not have given you a promise or something to hold on to but you're you're walking out um into that unknown territory and I think when you look at all of their journeys there it's it's encapsulated by their relationships with people. Absolutely and and who they took with them and what happened um along those journeys and what was said and what was done and and I think our lives I don't care how introverted you are you know Ruth is an introvert I am an extrovert right it doesn't matter right there will come points in your life where your relationships with people get redefined. Yes and and are where God calls you to reevaluate that relationship and I think I think it's important to note here because what's not always comfortable and if it was they wouldn't you know Paul wouldn't have had to write a whole chapter about it. What's not always comfortable is loving people when it's difficult.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

Oh my God that's like the worst that's like the worst thing that's like the hardest thing that we're asked to do I think is they got to love people when it's difficult.

Alignment Over People Pleasing

SPEAKER_00 49:04

Yeah heck yeah yeah absolutely but I think yeah yes loving people when it's difficult but not always because they did something difficult. No sometimes you're in a difficult space. Absolutely you know like when Paul talked about you know if I had not love I'd be clanging brass and and tingling symbols symbols sure I didn't say that right you didn't that's all right y'all got it was it tingling cla clanging no the brass is clinging anyways okay we'll get a scripture reference in a moment for y'all that's uh first Corinthians 13 yeah all right get in there get in that word you got it there you go first open go deeper this is this is just a call for us to read more but you know I I when you think about it like that's that's that doesn't always have anything to do with the people you're talking to sometimes it it has to do with where you are right now for sure what you're sometimes I don't want to prioritize these people I'm talking to so I don't I don't want to do it with love. I really just want to tell it like it is I want to be one of them people who you know I keep it 100 all day okay I don't sugarcoat nothing. I say what needs to be said because I'm that girl okay and then you realize I'm called to be effective I'm called to love people through it and the coach and to mentor and to strengthen organizations. And so you know I think the way that we handle our discomfort we can either be a person that creates atmospheres because you're still you're gonna be called the lead even when you over there with your feet dangling in the water. You still called the lead right and so you can be a person that helps to you know when you are in an unsure place what how is that translating to the organizations and the places that you lead yeah when you are in a place where you feel like you are you know maneuvering through a difficult season or trying to understand what God is having you to do, how is that impacting your work? Mm-hmm. Your assignment and you know for me I think the thing that the thing that I'm I feel like I have used this word 10 million times over the last two weeks it is the word alignment and really figuring out where in my life am I out of alignment? Where in my life am I doing things because that's what people expect and not that's because what God has asked me to do. And that's where God has placed me. Where in my life have I taken responsibility for things that are not mine. And and I think we really got to get back in alignment.

SPEAKER_02 51:52

And with that let's also acknowledge that another comfortable place more comfortable place for some people it is for me is pleasing people rather than pleasing God especially when it means you disappoint people that is uncomfortable so those these are just like these are just moments and I think we would challenge you to ask yourself where where am I afraid to be uncomfortable where where am I afraid to of where am I afraid to be uncomfortable and then ask God all right what do I need to do to move towards that because that that that is where you're going to find growth and um when when you when you are able to acknowledge this makes me uncomfortable okay all right so what do I need to do to go deeper in the areas that I'm uncomfortable and then begin to move in that direction it's not that you have to leap. Nobody's asked you go onto a diving board and just dive in and I have to do all of that. Some of you might have to do that but that's not necessary you don't have to do that um I think that we do need to just be honest with ourselves where am I where do I where do I find myself you can ask yourself what where do I find myself the most uncomfortable or where do I find my when do I find myself running towards comfort?

The Places You Actually Hear God

Better Tools Make The Work Lighter

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Like when does that happen the most I think if you can figure out the places of your life where you're running towards comfort you can figure out the places of your life where you're running away from something 100% like if you are if there's an area in your life where you're like oh no you know and and I think I've had this revelation on the podcast before when I said I would go home sometimes and I would literally drive up to my house and be like I don't want to go in there. You know Ross is open till 11 let me go to Ross because shopping is one of my comfort places even if I don't buy nothing walking through the stores seeing what's on the racks on the shelves you know that is that is comfortable to me but going to an empty house after a long day at work I realized I was I was running away from the discomfort of loneliness and so I was and it was easier to surround myself with things than it was to realize the absence of people ooh that's good geez yeah that's that's real and I mean I wanted to give a real example you know that's real and really ask yourself because you know like it's easy to say oh yeah you know Jaquiti because I when I was in I I've always done that when I was in Nashville instead of going home I would go to Kroger. I would be at Kroger all hours of the night just man I just felt like going to Kroger you know not because I needed something not because I was about to go home and cook but because I just love going to Kroger. That was my my little safe space was like hey let me go to Kroger because I wasn't ready to be home I wasn't ready you know today even today the Lord was talking to me and um and I I've I'm I've been praying about something specifically and today y'all let me tell you something I work on a campus with a lot of hills okay it ain't easy to walk we all had a meeting in an in a different building today when I tell you everybody walked in that building out of breath we was like like we was just like because walking around campus ain't no easy feat but I had to park farther away today so I I normally when I got to go from place to place I hit my car. I'm like let me get in my car I I will pay for parking on campus. We have metered parking I'm like I'm gonna drive over there pay three dollars because I don't want to walk right because it's hills and valleys right and and I don't be feeling like it all the time but today I parked farther away which meant and I had a lot of meetings which meant I had to walk to all my meetings today as I was walking as soon as I started walking the Lord said you know you hear me better when you walk like it is it is a it is a a time where you can concentrate and where you're not giving your mind over to everything else but you're you're more clear when you walk and you should do this more often. And I was like this is right it's so true because there have been times where I was about to leave work or I was about to do something and the Lord be like take a walk and I'll take a walk and oh the Lord would just be pouring pouring pouring and when I think about it all the times that I really hear God I'm walking. Yeah right I'm either walking odd and you know praised and worship for two hours you know and really God in the presence but when I need that when I'm on the go I need to hear him I need to be moving and so there are areas of our lives where but we've been avoiding the places that God speaks to us we've been avoiding we've been avoiding the intimate moments that may not seem as apparent but they are the moments where God creates that there is a space created for you and God to have intimate conversations for God to pour out wisdom and understanding for God to really get your mind and the Lord told me today he said if you if you are in a space of being worried or stressed out about something you're it's too much you're occupied too much by your thoughts for me to speak to you or for you to hear me speaking to you but when you're walking everything is calm everything is every you and and and you know he started talking to me like when you're walking your blood sugar gets regulated your heart rate gets regulated you know everything you know joy has to run because you know you know she she moved past walking because you know she's healthier so you know now she runs but I'm still at that walking stage so you know walking is doing it for me right now and I really hope it remains that way that I ain't that I ain't gotta go out there sprinting to hear the Lord. You know I think what are the intimate spaces of your life that you've been avoiding what are the places sometimes especially child if you elite that's why when we first started talking about you know comfort and avoiding comfort and and and unlearning it and but the pre-episode conversation I was like I don't know that I want to have this conversation I know I'm gonna come out of this after this episode the Lord's gonna be like now you know what's required of you and you know what I'm doing and so I don't want to hear no more questions. All right get on over here in this deep end and stop playing right like I know like because it's just like preaching you are what you speak and what you put out in the atmosphere is going to be required of you. And and and that's why I almost didn't want to do this episode. But it's getting in the spaces and we got to be honest with ourselves we get to points where we don't we we be scared to hear from the Lord. You know that prayer that David prayed uh he prayed Lord uh try the reins of my heart and see if there be any wicked way in me that's the kind of stuff you hear when that's when the Lord starts revealing that type of stuff actually there was something I wanted to talk to you about because this is what is preventing you from walking forward in your future and this is what I'm requiring you to give. Be like you know what I ain't gonna take that walk where the golf cart at where my car at hey you want to walk with me come on walk with me so we can talk about something else right you started but you have again I think and I think I I think we really should end on a point of hope and so Ruth Abigail you can elaborate on this point I'm just gonna mention it is that remembering that going into the deeper end is not more work because honestly that's what I'm most afraid of is that if I'm taking over into this deeper place I'm gonna have to give more I'm gonna have to work harder and I and I'm not gonna have the capacity for it because I already feel like too much is being asked of me. But where God is calling you to and what God is calling you to is a place where he's gonna hold you up where the promises of God are going to hold you up where the the goodness of God and the love of God and the grace of God and the mercy of God and the wisdom of God is going to hold you up and all you have to do is trust that's right I I don't I don't know that I'm gonna add anything to that like um uh no try not to make it seem like I took over I was gonna be I no I mean I I'm sure I can find something to say but for what why why should I do that um I think I think that's absolutely right yeah um the you're deep deeper it it does you're not working as hard um and it is it is a beautiful thing actually I will I I will because because I'm uh my husband is cooking and I smell food and I'm just I'm um so we're about to go because I gotta eat but uh I I um I've learned I like to cook cooking works best with better tools and sometimes the better tools are more expensive so you know I I you can you can chop you can chop vegetables with a regular knife that's fine you will work very hard to do that or you can spend a couple hundred dollars to get you a knife nice set and yeah you're gonna spend some yeah you're gonna spend a couple hundred bucks um to get a nice a night a knife set that has what you need and all of a sudden you get the right knife and it's smooth and you don't work hard it's easy but it takes it takes doing something that might be uncomfortable to get to the place where the process is easier for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:28

And so um I I just you know just in case y'all were tired of hearing our uh water analogy there's another one for you um you know I I I I think you gotta you you're gonna have to you're gonna have to do what's uncomfortable go to a place that you have been avoiding to go but understand that when you do that it gets it that it is actually it's it's a it's actually it it's actually easier what it was um the you know Jesus says um if you want to if you want to find your life you have to lose it it it doesn't make sense you know um you know if you know the the the last will uh will be first it doesn't make sense the thing that you find hard Jesus says do it and it will get easier um you know take off your yoke yoke meaning the thing that is hold that you're holding something up with and take mine it's lighter so it's like why would I take something else on because it's not you're taking on something I know it doesn't seem like it's gonna work but if you just do it this way it'll be easier for you. Um and so it may be uncomfortable but it will be easier eventually because you have the right tools and you're not working as hard and you're not working alone. And I think that's the that's the real beauty like you're not working alone you're not alone out here and uh so stop trying to force yourself to be alone a lot of times in this comfort zone we kind of force ourselves to be alone it's like why don't do that like you're making it hard on yourself. Um you're not alone so hope y'all made it to the end uh and that you're not too mad at us uh this was heavier than normal as it could have been one as bad as it could have been but it definitely was you know meaty it was meaty you know I'm saying um and it's real and I think a lot of us are are are are in this mix right now and it and it is a challenge and it is an unlearning point. We've we've got to move we gotta move we got to move forward into the deeper into the uncomfortable um and so you you so this next level that everybody wants to come to everybody wants to be at is going to take that step um and just know that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:59

So we appreciate y'all we love y'all we'll see y'all next week let's keep unlearning together so we can experience more freedom peace thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned podcast we would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then