You Got What You Prayer For, Now What?

Welcome To The Level Up Series

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Hello, everybody, and welcome once again. Oh, yo, we are having a day, guys. I am your host, Ruth Abigail, aka R A. What's up, friends? It's your girl, Jaquita. And this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you, yes, you can experience more freedom. My lot.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Okay, listen. We've been doing a lot of preparation uh to get y'all these episodes. And I want to let you know, this level up series, I knew from the very first episode, I said, this is gonna take me through some changes right here. Okay, this this is gonna take me through some changes because any I have learned, you know, as a minister now of a whopping almost seven years, which is crazy. That is crazy, right? But I've learned that anything you preach is gonna be required of you. Okay, you're gonna have to live that thing on out. But I've been really grateful because it's given me so much material, right, to process my own experiences. So listen, as y'all are leveling up, we leveling up, okay. The podcast is leveling up. Mr. Truth.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

All right, it's levels to this. It is. Okay. I will echo what Quita said. I definitely have been tried and tested in my own way uh for the leveling up, which has not felt great. It's it's it's it's been a it's been a like realization of I talk really well about these things, but putting them into action is a little slower than I thought it was. You know, if I'm just being honest. Like I said, dang, like I'm really these concepts are are are I'm 10 toes down on them. I believe in them. Man, but I I do not do them as much as it sounds like I might. Like, like, and it's not that I'm not trying to, I just you know, you have to just you you and and Jaquita has helped me realize, hey, hey, hey, hey, you know, there's some things you need to level up on. I was like, man, that's true. I do.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Listen. Um,

When You Teach It You Live It

SPEAKER_03 2:10

and Ruth Abigail has been telling me I need to level up our entire friendship.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

So, you know, that's what that's what I'm here for.

SPEAKER_03 2:17

Literally, guys, I know I really mean that. Like our entire friendship. She's like, we could be better. You could do more. You could go further. It's the nature of us, you know, it's the nature of us. It is. But uh, you know, I I think we have spent uh a good amount of time talking about everything that happens before the move. And we gotta investigate what happens after you get the thing that you interviewed for, that you prayed for, that you negotiated for, and now you're in it. Yeah. Right. And I I've been in that space before where you have leveled up and you get into that new space, and you know, you have all these ideas and all these thoughts about what you're gonna do, and you start reflecting on everything you said in that interview, that you was gonna bop, bop, bop, bop, you know, that you was gonna come in here and kill the game, okay? That they needed you, that you was that girl, that you were the answer and the solution to the things, okay, that every, that everything they presented to you as a this is a gap in our organization, you say I've come to fill it. And then you get in that role, and it's it's some things that we gotta, it's some things we gotta deal with. It's some things we gotta overcome, it's some things we gotta develop in, you know.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

And and I I just I want to take this moment as I'm as you're talking, it's just it's kind of hitting me in a fresher way that we we are using the context of career and work to talk about leveling up. But let's be honest, like this applies to almost every area, right? So and it really clicked when you said, you know, what what you pray what you've been praying for, you have. And it's like, yeah, because that's a level up. It's like, you know, I've been praying for this, I've been desiring this, and God blesses you with it. And so when you get what you you get the blessing you've been praying for, that's like a level up. And I that that could be um, I mean, it could be anything. It could be a new job, it could be a new position, it could be a marriage, it could be kids, it could be um uh uh friendships, it could, it could be whatever. Um and it's like this, it could be financial increase, it could be all of that. And it's like that, like what does leveling up? So like when you're thinking about this, it may not, you may not be in the space of I feel like I've leveled up um in career specifically, but think about this in the context of where your level up is because it works. Um and and you know, because as you were talking, I mean, I was thinking, you know, about it was just about getting married and like just just like all the things we say we're gonna do when we get a spouse. And and you know, I'm this this the way that we think of level leveling up in our lives, it's like, you know, let's be honest, a lot of us have a hard time understanding, have a hard time seeing a level up without being married, uh, which I don't actually think is true. But that's how a lot of us think, and the and like we are kind of trained to think. So it's like, all right, my level up is marriage, cool. Well, what do I now that

After You Get What You Wanted

SPEAKER_01 5:30

I'm here is it like that? Is a different, it's like, whoa, I didn't even you see differently, you understand differently. There are experiences you could have never prepared for, and so you you've gotta approach it not like you thought you would in the interview process, because dating is very different than marriage, but we don't have to go down that road.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Oh but it's a good road.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

We we don't have to go down that road, like we don't have to land there, but I do want to just give it a different contextual framework so that people understand like when we're talking, it applies to whatever area you feel like you're leveling up in.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

No, but I think that's such a good point because I think our whole argument in this level up series is that it's not about the opportunity. You're not leveling up because you got a better opportunity, you're leveling up because you have become a person that can walk in a new space. And and there's something, it's it's so much more about the internal process than it is about the external one. Right. And I think um I'm thinking back to one of my last level ups a couple of years ago, um, when I moved from one institution to a bigger, uh, a bigger school that was a little bit more engagement focused and had uh a much more competitive yet political atmosphere. And when I got in that space, you know, I came from I'm that girl. I make things happen, you know, I'm going boom, boom, bap. And when I got into this new space, everything I had done before got me the opportunity, but it was not going to keep it for me. And I realized you came here with enough to get in the door, but to stay in the door, you're you are going to have to level up. 1000%. Like you're going, like there are things in you that have to develop. There are things in you, and it wasn't, and I think one thing that really, really has stuck with me as I have continued to allow God to move me in different areas of my life, is that we spend a lot of time trying to build a resume. But the things that prepare you for the next level of your life, whether that's in the career field or in your personal life or whatever, the things that really prepare you for that are not the things that get written down on paper. It is not the skill sets that that will differentiate you. It's the competencies. Yes. It is your ability to be competent in leadership, to be competent in understanding the bigger picture, being able to see beyond yourself and beyond your own perspective, and to be able to step into your leaders' shoes and see things, see how they see things and operate at a different level, right? That's a competency that can't doesn't always have a list of skill sets attached to it, right? I mean, it can, but really what we're looking for is have you developed into a person that can carry this weight? And that's what got you the opportunity. But being a person that can do it and being a person that does do it, these are different things.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

These are these are very different things. And I like what you said, the competency thing. What one way I've seen competency get um get uh I I guess I don't know about misuse, but it it's not um it has not worked in in their favor. Like I've seen this idea of I'm already competent. So, so what you're talking about can't you can't get competent in something that you've never been in before. Your competencies exist in a different area. You bring that with you to the new area, and the mistake can be is I'm competent. What's wrong with that? And I think a lot of people going and like who have who have had the opportunity to level up are get frustrated because other people don't feel as competent as they do. But it's that but you have to give yourself time to develop different competencies in this different area.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

That's true, yes. And I think that you have to, here's the thing: regardless of what that next door is, that next place of opportunity, the only way you develop competencies, like if you

The Shift From Checkers To Chess

SPEAKER_03 10:20

are going for, let's say you're moving from a VP role to a president role, or from a director role to an executive director role, the only way that you build the competencies of that next level is if you surrender to that level and allow it to develop you. Correct. Right? Because it there is a completely different, and I think Ruth Abigail can speak to this, there's a completely different mindset from being a director to being over the whole the whole shebang, right? Being responsible for the whole show, right? And I I've had experiences where I was on the director level and I was like, me and my team, I'm I'm concerned about my team and I'm holding my team down, right? But institutionally, if I have to be responsible for more and if I'm giving more responsibilities, that's another competency level, right? And I have to become competent at another level. I don't walk in already competent. I walk in with the potential to be competent. And one thing that I've always taught is that you don't grow in potential without good mentorship and coaching, because mentors are the people who recognize potential. And I think a lot of times we we get it mixed up, we get it, we get it mixed up because there is such a difference between a sponsor and a mentor. A sponsor is someone who opens the door for you. They don't develop you to be able to stay in that door. They say, hey, it looks like you got enough going on for you that I can I can uh uh use what I have to give you this opportunity, right? But sponsors don't always develop. Sponsors don't always coach. Usually they don't. Usually they're on to the next thing that they gotta they gotta open the door for because that's where their mind is. Their mind is set on I open doors. Mentors and people who are are intimately invested in your development and your growth, they are gonna be the ones who will walk with you through an opportunity. And I guarantee you that wherever you go next, you are going to need somebody who has been where you've been or who understands where you are at who can talk to you on that level because something new has to get pulled out of you in order to be great at this thing. You don't get you most times we don't walk in great, and that was the misperception I had at that last job. Man, I was like, oh child, I'm that girl, y'all hired me, I'm about to come in and change the game. And I got in and I realized the game was bigger than my last game. Man, you know, I moved from checkers to chess, yeah. And I was like, wait a minute. So we don't just hop over, every piece does something different. That's good. What you mean? This this board is I thought this was checkers. This ain't checkers. Okay, I need to build a new competency because in checkers, you got the red and you got the black. That's it. It's it's it's it's it's a dual mode game. Red and black. I'm trying to get red to one side, black to the other side. That's all we're trying to do. But in in checkers, it's a completely if you take the pieces off the board, the board can look the same, right? Because it's it's it's a two-colored board with blocks. But when you add in the pieces and everything does something different, we've we have identified our metaphor today. There it is. Right. And everything does something different. I I have to learn the intricacies of the pieces and the parts and what everything does on this board in order to learn how to play this game. And I can't come into a checkers game acting like I'm a like, like, hey, yeah, I'm just gonna move my one piece over here. And they're like, no, that piece don't do that. It don't do that. It don't do that. You can't even do that. Yeah, you put it back. Yeah, that's not how that goes. You know, and so I think that it is important as you are moving into these new seasons of your life, that you don't go in thinking, I got this game. I understand this game. And I think it's important that you don't approach your new leadership like that because you're gonna set false expectations of what you're gonna be able to deliver in the beginning. You're not gonna come in guns blazing. So it's much, it's much better to present a developmental plan than I'm gonna come in and boom, boom, boom, boom, back. You know, here these are gonna be my deliverables. Yeah. And then they'll be like, all right, we're gonna check them numbers at the end, you know, versus if you say, hey, this is the plan that I have to grow this thing substantially over an amount of time, realizing that I'm coming in learning and growing as well.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

You know, um again, not I I just because this is a phrase I think I've heard and and we've all heard before, uh, going back to the marriage analogy, like it's like, hey, you know, learn to be a wife before you become a wife. That kind of mentality. Um, well, I I'm here to debunk that because that is not uh that that is bad advice and it's bad, it's bad expectations. And I think it goes what you're saying, like like you know, be be a director before you get there, be an executive before you get, like, show like it's like you can't. I don't know how to do that, but we're encouraged to to behave like something that we don't understand before we get there. And then we have false expectations of ourselves when you get into the into the position, thinking that I'm I'm ready for something that I'm not ready for. So I think I I think I'm I mean I I love what you said about uh coming with a developmental expectation, like and being ready to develop as opposed to trying to work on do getting there before they before you get there. Um it's it because you don't know enough. And I think the the the the checker and the chess is so uh beautiful because on the without the pieces on the board and without the rules of the game, it looks the same. Yeah. And and and then when you start adding those pieces, adding the pieces, reading the rules, no, we are in a totally different game. And and I think that we've got to, we've got to allow people, um, for those of us who uh are are are uh and are inviting people into this new level that we may have been to, we need to also encourage them on the developmental side more than the um deliverable side. Um also I think that people, if you are that person that's leveling up, you I think it's best to be honest with yourself and to what what what Quita was saying, um you've gotta be prepared to do more learning than doing in the early stages. You've got to be prepared for that, like and not thinking that you're not progressing or that you're not delivering if you're if you're focused on learning. You have to learn the the culture, you have to learn the nature of the role, you have to learn the people, you have to learn the environment, you have to learn about all this, you have to learn what's going on, you gotta learn the history, you know, you got you gotta learn all of that in order to be effective on some level. And learning usually takes longer than you think.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

And so can I add, you gotta learn you because again, I think

Competencies Beat Resume Skills

SPEAKER_03 18:05

we we have to be clear that as you move from one level to the next, you know, you are you are carrying you into a space that will ultimately bring out something new in you, right? We talked about the jahari window. Jihari window. I'd be wanting to say uh Jabari, um, but you know, gospel singer. But anyways, the jahari window, and where we talked about how you have the known self, you have the blind self, you have the hidden self, and then you have the, I guess the unknown self. Yeah, the unknown self. Well, what's gonna happen is when you get to that next level, you are gonna have new people, new connections, and what was once unknown is now moving up to the blind spot. Yeah. Right? Like it's moving up to where other people can see what was once unknown to you, and they're gonna start calling it out. Or the situations you're gonna find yourself in are gonna start calling out things in you that you didn't know was there. Absolutely. It's gonna when I was not prepared for the level of insecurity I felt when I got to that new space because it was bigger and the challenge was greater. And I was I went from being in a space where I was that girl and I really stood out as man, Jaquita, killing the game, to getting to a space where everybody was that girl or that guy. And everybody had the same mindset and skill set that I had. But I was a leader, and I'm I'm working with people who are right out of their master's programs, you know, who are in their mid-20s, right? And they they're there they're zooming, right? And I'm having to say, okay, and I'm looking at the other leaders who have been there for a while, and I'm looking, I'm like, they are established in this thing. They know who they are and they know why they're here. I'm coming in, and not only am I having to build my competencies as a leader at this level, I'm also having to redefine for myself and for everyone in this organization who I am and what I bring to the team that is unique but necessary. Yeah. Right? We said last episode, rare and valuable. I'm taking that with me forever, right? But but it took me a minute because I had to make sure I wasn't building something that I saw, because that's the easiest thing to do. The easiest thing to do is be like, oh, well, you know, Suzanne is really good at this and everybody really likes her for that. I'm just gonna be more like Suzanne, right? We're not at that point in our leadership. This is not the copy and paste, right? You were again, you were hired, you were given the opportunity because you had a potential to fill in a gap in that organization. You don't fill in the gap through imitation. The gap has to be filled with who you, not who you are, but who you are to become. That's right. And that is what I didn't realize was that I was going in order because the gap of that organization was bigger than the gap I left. Right. And so, in order to fill this new gap, I had to become more, right? I had to grow in leadership. I had to grow in my ability to coach, mentor, and develop. And it that was the thing that set me apart in that organization. If you want to grow in your leadership, if you want to become the next version of yourself, you go to Jakuita. If you want, if you want somebody who's gonna encourage you and tell you and read you from top to bottom and say, this is exactly what you need to do to get to your next level, you go to Jakita. Yeah. Right. And so it got to the point where people who were not on my team recognized that I was a developer. Right. And and I but I didn't know that about myself, not to that level. Right. And so now I'm already thinking as I think about new levels and new opportunities, what am I gonna have to become to fill the gap that this opportunity requires? Yeah. And you have to believe that whatever that whatever that opportunity is requiring of you, it is something that is in your unknown self that God will bring to the surface because it's something He's already planted on the inside of you. Because I think we've kind of spun this off that everything in the blind self and the unknown self is negative, right? But really there's some gifts, there's some talents, there's some competencies that are there that just have to be brought to the forefront. Yeah. It's just, you know, the tears grow with the wheat. So, baby, you're gonna see, you're gonna see the good and the bad at the same time. You're gonna be like, wow, I didn't know I could do that. And also, wow, I ain't know I had all this crap sitting in my dirt.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Um, yeah, I I think uh I wanna I wanna add, um you don't fill the gap with imitation, you also don't fill the gap with repetition. Uh meaning you don't fill the gap with doing what you already know to do. Um and taking your taking what you already know and inserting it into your new situation. I I was that was my mistake. And I I did that when I got into this role, and I be I operated the way I operated in the last role, and it was unsuccessful, um and and and and very ineffective. And it's really interesting because the other thing I learned is this is what you have to understand. You also, you know, going back to learning, like part of learning is also observing. Yeah, and so I did not properly observe the b because I thought I knew I've been a part of it, I'd helped to build it. I but I had never been in the culture, and I did not properly observe the culture or take it in, um, not for criticism, because I did that. I I observed it in order to critique it, but I didn't observe it in order to understand it. That's good, and that that was my problem. And so I observed it, I critiqued it, and then I brought in what I knew. Write that down, you know what I'm saying? I observed it, I critiqued it, and then I brought in what I knew, and that was a recipe for disaster. And so it it and it took me about three years to overcome that. Um and and and a lot and a lot of a lot of things in between, you know, and so I think like that that helped that going looking back at that, it was like, okay, anytime there is a next next level, number one, I've got a I've gotta have an ear for other people um to tell me where my blind spot is. So I mentioned uh um one of my team members, I think on the last episode, and she's the one that really gives me what I need to hear, even though I don't want to hear. And so one thing she she pointed out to me, and this wasn't immediate, she was a part of the team when I first got there, and she left and then she came back. And so when she, especially like in the beginning of her coming back, she noticed some things and she was like, you know, the way you led our team when I came is actually the way you need to lead this team now. You didn't need to lead our team the way you led us. It was too, I was too um hands-on with them, and I didn't need to be. Versus then it was like I heard that from them and I said, Okay, well, I don't need to be hands-on. But then the next team that came on actually needed me to be more hands-on, and I wasn't, and things got get things got out of control. And then it's like, okay, well, what happened? And she was like, because you're not paying attention to the people you have around you. You're not paying attention to that. Like, you can't, so I my observation,

Learn The Culture Before Changing It

SPEAKER_01 26:05

my eye was not, I was again, I wasn't there to understand. I was really just there to eat to critique whether it's myself or what was going on, and then to just keep moving. And I needed to take time to understand. And so I think like that is such a critical part of your next level is when you're observing as you're learning this new environment, this new culture, this new role, this new, this new place, you need to observe to understand, like and take it in, whether you agree with it or not, like understand it. Um, because I get I can almost guarantee you, not everything deserves to be changed immediately.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Everything's not bad.

SPEAKER_03 26:49

Everything's not bad. And if you go in, you you have to balance your ideas and visions with the well-being of your people. And if you go in slicing and dicing, what is that gonna do to team morale? What is that gonna do to the integrity of the institution that was there before you got there? That's correct, right? Don't come in telling me everything we did was wrong. Excuse you. That's right. First of all, we existed before you. Exactly. Okay, and so you have to respect what's there. You have to respect what's there. Um because you have to, you, you're also as a new leader or as a new person being added to the game, right? You are you are having to gain the trust, the respect of everybody else who's been who's been on the board. Like, baby, we've been doing this, and we know the game. You just got introduced to the game. Yeah. And so it's gone. You know how people say, you know, like you need to go in, you need to respect your elders, and you need to talk to people and get the wisdom from the people who've been in the game. You know, don't discount anybody. No, don't discount anyone. Have conversations with everyone because everyone has the potential to give you a valuable piece of advice. I was uh watching, I think it was just the Instagram reel, but the lady was talking about how she was up for a promotion, you know, and she, you know, she was trying to figure out if she got the promotion or not. And she was uh and she was the type of person who spoke to everyone in the building and who built relationships with everyone in the building. And so she was uh one night she was talking to the custodian, and she was like, man, you know, I think I just need to just send my boss an email to see if, you know, if I got this next opportunity or not, you know, because I need to know. He's spending all this time and, you know, he's keeping me on the line, and I need to know. And the custodian said, girl, don't worry about it. When I was cleaning his office, I already saw your name on the list. You know what I'm saying? Listen. Okay, everybody, anybody in that organization could have your key to how to play the game. That's right. That's right. And you and you can't discount anyone, and also at any organization you work, make friends with with anybody who keeps a building. Man. Okay. Or the office. You are the office. Man. Administrative assistant, what you said, most MVPs. Them the people, boy. Dem the people. Okay, if you can make them smile, okay. I remember uh we were running interviews one time, and there was this one person I did not want to hire him. And unfortunately, he did not get the position. But when I tell you the administrative assistant came to me and fought for him, she was like, I was so pleased that he came in and spoke to me and didn't just speak and say hello, had a conversation to with me about what I do and how much value I add to the team. Wow. And she she wrote me a whole email and she was like, I really hope you consider him for the role. Now, again, I did not. But he got an endorsement. Yeah. That's it. And you're gonna need you, you need those endorsements from everywhere you can get it. And if you're new to the team, you need as much buy-in as possible. Because I guarantee you, there are people on the board who will happily play along with you. I told y'all we was we weren't gonna let this metaphor go. Okay, just just welcome to the chess game. Okay, right. There are people on the board who will happily play along with you and who will show you the ropes, and then there are people on the board who actually are trying to kick you out of the game. They want you out.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Can can I all right. I I'd like to introduce a concept that we did not actually um we we didn't talk about this, so this is gonna be new to everybody. Uh to you, Quita. We didn't talk about this, but it it's it's coming to my mind, and this this has what the concept about I'm about to um briefly explain has nothing to do necessarily what we're talking about. Like it's not, it's not, it's not built from this, it's built from the world of like organizing and kind of political thinking, but interesting, but it works. So, what we're talking about, what Queen was saying is like get to know everybody. Everybody's on the board, different people have different pieces, different people have different motivations, and different people have different um desires for you as far as the outcome. What we what what that's called kind of in the organizing world when you're trying to uh basically make a decision maker um push and push a decision maker towards a towards a certain decision that you believe that he or she should be making, um it's called a power analysis. So you think about the power analysis, a power analysis is essentially saying who is like I I have people who are my allies, I have people who are my enemies, and I have people who have high influence and low influence. Right? So the sweet spot that everybody wants is an ally with high influence.

SPEAKER_03 32:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

But the question is, how do you get there? And so a lot of times people assume people that have positions are immediately high at high, um, uh you can immediately get there, but that's not always true. First of all, decision makers have relationships with other people. You don't often get to the decision making first. So, what's the pathway to the decision maker? What's the pathway to the person who's gonna make this experience for you the way you you need it to be? And oftentimes the people that are part of that pathway are the people you do not expect to be. And so I think that's kind of what we're saying, you know, people who work in the in the buildings, people who are administrative assistants, people who are leaders of a committee or on a committee. They don't even have to have a board member or um uh another a co a co-worker of yours who has a long-standing relationship with the decision maker for whatever reason, right? So there's different ways to look at it, but that it's again it this observation piece is so critical because you need to understand, okay, cool. I've been observing for a while. I think that that my the leveling up that I've that I have the leveling up I've been doing over the last few months are is I see an importance to tweak this. Let's say that you think we need we need a culture shift in in this area. All right, now the question is how do I do that? Well, I don't have the credibility always to do it immediately and to do it well. What are some decisions I don't necessarily I know I can't make? I I need to give uh so-and-so a raise. I think they're they they deserve more. I see it in them and they want more, and they've told me they felt safe with me and comfortable to say, hey, I really need to get more here. I want to be here, but I I haven't been able to really okay, cool. I don't have the authority to do that. So who does? So you have to answer yourself, ask yourself who has it, and then what's the pathway to get them to do that decision? Well, if you have not been observing and you do not know how people relate to each other, and who are the people that you can get to that that you and if you can't get to the decision maker, I can get to a person who knows that. If you don't know that, you'll let this person down and you'll end up um you know that like that the the the deliverable, especially of being a great team leader who is um advocating for your team is is not going, you're not gonna be able to deliver on that because you're not the ultimate decision maker. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 34:46

Like that makes perfect sense.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

So the pat this power analysis concept, I think it's very important wherever you are to understand who's your who, and and it's like, you know, there's another saying in this world no permanent friends, no permanent enemies. It's really just we're just working towards the same goal. So for this thing, you may not be my person, but for this thing, you are, right? For this thing, you may agree with me. For this thing, you might disagree. And and that's okay. You don't put people in one box, you do it according to what you need to make move. Right?

SPEAKER_03 35:18

I love that. That makes sense. No, that makes perfect sense because I think it goes back to you gotta know who's on the board. You gotta know who's on the board and you gotta know how to do it. What kind of power they have? Yeah, what kind of power they got? Like, listen, okay, I know that this rook they can only move one spot at a time, but they're always close to the other players, right? Like they they can slide up right next to you, you know. Like, hey, what's going on? So, like somebody might look small, but their impact is great. They might not have a lot of influence, but they got a lot of impact, right? And you you have to know, you have to know who, and there's so many things that are not on the org chart. Oh man. Right? There's so many things. Let me tell you something. Now I love to see me a good org chart because I can I can discern a lot of things based off of how an organization is structured, right? But there are so many, you got the rule book and then you got the house rules, right? We all love Uno, right? Nobody's playing Uno according to that rule book. No. Throw that out, okay? First of all, I absolutely can put a draw four on top of a draw four. You throw down a draw four or a draw two, you have initiated war. I declare war, is what you have said.

Earn Trust And Respect The Board

SPEAKER_03 36:40

Sorry, sensitive times, right? Ruth, you weren't supposed to laugh at that. You're supposed to let me slide on my. Okay, you know, like there have been times when I have bosses who, again, have a lot more influence and impact, and I put them on the calendar for things, and their admin goes, okay, what are they doing? And I need to communicate to them why they're on this calendar and why they're on this meeting, and we need to give them some clarity. Like, I the the admins run the show. They run it. You get what I'm saying? These big time bosses, they're not doing it without them. They're not matter of fact, don't even schedule a meeting with me without my admin. My admin is gonna be in the background taking notes. Be like, hey, listen, you know, we got we got uh uh everybody knows. If you know me, you know who my favorite person is. What's her name, Ruth Abigail? Her name is Pam Green, and that's a shame. There you go. That is a shame. Pam Green to this day.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

Pam, shout out to Pam.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

To this day is one of my favorite people in the world because Pam was my admin for almost three years. And she was my administrative coordinator. And when I tell you that woman, oh, it could bring a tear to my eye how much I love me some Pam, right? Because being able to anticipate needs and then not only anticipate my needs, but the ability to communicate to everybody else, you know, my needs and what we're doing as an organization. And that's what you need. You get you need to get connected to the people who keep the other people straight. You do. You you need to get you need to find out, okay. I know you you big dog, but who who's actually holding who's your Ben and your your her, right? You Moses, but I need Aaron. That's a Ben. Who is Ben? You didn't know. You're Aaron and your her. I was gonna let it go. No, don't let that go. I don't know. I I strive for biblical accuracy. All right, but you need to know the Aaron and her.

SPEAKER_01 40:01

You need to know the miracle. You need to explain that.

SPEAKER_03 40:04

I don't think people there's a biblical account. Uh the children of Israel were, they were still in the wilderness, but they were at war. Um, they they had gotten to a little debacle, right? And God had promised them the victory, but they only they started noticing that they only were winning when Moses' hands were raised, right? And so Moses stood on top of a mountain and he was trying to keep his hands raised. But if you've ever raised your hands for a long period of time, your arms, arms is heavy. Okay. Something about mom spaghetti. These weak, spaghetti, yeah. Yes, you know. So, like, and and and so when they started noticing, hey, if Moses' hands don't stay up in the air, we lose. So then there were two leaders, Aaron, who was his brother, and her, who was another leader in the camp, said, Hey, you get one arm, I'm gonna get the other. And we're gonna hold this man's arms up so we can win this battle. You need to know, you don't just need to get close to Moses, and that's the problem. We all spend time trying to get close to Moses when really you need to get acquainted with Aaron and her, you need to get acquainted with the people who are who are helping to uphold the organization. Yeah, they are the ones guaranteeing the win. Moses cannot do it on his own. That's right. Moses is gonna wear himself out. He's it is impossible to keep your arms up during an entire battle, right? You have to have people around you, and as a leader, you need to identify who those people are, who those people that are gonna be your heir and her. You need you need to be able to assess your team and everyone that is connected to your new role, your new opportunity, even as a um as a wife or as a husband, as somebody who's entering into a new marriage or a new opportunity or just a new a new place in your life. You need to know who are the people that are called to help me carry this. Right? Who are my confidants, right? Who are the people that they you know how close you had to be? They was right up under they was right up under the arm. Okay, they they they they knew everything Moses had going on, right? They was they was all up in his space. Moses had been up there for hours, okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Moses was probably musty, and we gotta be honest about that. We gotta be honest about it, and sometimes folk will be up in your must, and you need to be okay with that, okay, Ruth Abigail. I just need to point it out.

SPEAKER_03 42:42

You just called Moses musty, yeah. It probably was. Let's just be real. But you need you need to know who are the people that I can that I can have walk close to me in this journey. You need to be able to, you need to be able to discern that. You need to know who can I who can I carry up the mountain with me, right? Everybody couldn't win when the Lord called Moses and said, Moses, come, I want to talk to you face to face. Everybody couldn't go. Joshua went though, because Joshua was was called to walk in that way with Moses, right? And and lo and behold, Joshua needed something, he needed to see some of that glory because he was gonna have to carry it next, right? But you you have to know, and let me tell you something. You may not have to do this uh right in the beginning, but you are going to have to identify your next in the people that are following you, because that is gonna determine how you pour. And I'm not saying the next person who's gonna take your spot, but I'm talking about the next person who's gonna level up. You need to be able, you need to be aware because you're not you're not an entry level employee anymore, right? And you are not in competition with these people. Do not go in here with this mindset that I you got something to prove. Or that you got to hold people back or hold people down so that you can look good. Do not those those make the worst leaders. Yeah. Those make the the people that that are not invested in somebody else winning, those are the leaders that nobody trusts. Yeah. I can't trust you because you're not invested in my success. You might be invested in your success. You might be invested in the success of the organization because it makes you look good, but you would throw me under the bus in order to get there.

SPEAKER_01 44:31

So let's let's let's let's let's really lean into that because

Power Analysis And Hidden Influence

SPEAKER_01 44:35

when you get into this leveling up, I think that is a mindset that we have to learn to kill pretty quickly, is that I'm still fighting for what I just got. Right? Like I'm I've I got it. I don't I don't need to keep fighting for it. It's yours. So you're not you're not in competition, you're not in a battle, like you're you're you're where you need to be. And you one of the things like a leader, one of the and one of the I a leader has to understand one of your primary uh actions is to care for the people around you.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

If if look, I and I think this is something we we have to because I like again, a lot of us that level up, you you have there are things that you've done in the past, again, that you think I need to repeat doing. And most of the time when you level up to in in a lot of ways, there are things people become more important than tasks. And so um I think that uh as a leader, uh, we can get so caught up in the task because that's how that's how we feel like people are measuring us against task and deliverable, task and deliverable, task and deliverable. And that might be true, but the question is who's doing the task? And it's not always you, it's not always going to be you, even though it used to be you. And the best way to make sure that the deliverables are met beyond expectation is to care for the people who are doing the tasks. Make sure they have what they need, make sure you stay out of their way, make sure you give them um resources that they that they ask for, make sure you pay attention to them. Make like those are things that it it matters. And I'm saying this as somebody who has dropped that ball more times than I could count. Um I I doubt that is Jaquita is much better at that than me, but I understand the value of it. And I I do my best. I, you know, if anybody, anybody that is on my team, if they're listening to this, they're probably shaking their head, right? Like, like you need to listen to yourself. I do. And um, and I and I, but I try to I try to do better. It's not natural for me. I am a get it done task-oriented person more so than a you know, people, you know, carer for person. Um it's not my strength, but I've learned how I've learned that that's not something that you get to compromise um at the end of the day. You've got that is probably one of your number one responsibilities is care for your folks, care for the people who are doing the work that you used to do. Because you used to do it. Don't out, don't try to outdo them at what they're doing.

SPEAKER_03 47:23

Listen, care for them. Yeah, you really should want them to do better at what you used to do. Like, I I the people who got the spots I used to have, I'm like, hey, kill it. I'm gonna give you everything you need because your legacy is part of my legacy. If I was there and I killed it and and I help you to sustain that, then hey, we're keeping up the legacy. Okay, this is listen, and I I I want you to grow. I want you to continue to move forward. You know, back to our game board uh metaphor, uh, if you would uh travel with me back to the checkers uh chess uh uh duality, right? When you look at a checkers board, the pieces are flat. You can play on a one-dimensional level, right? And so you don't have to know everything about the checker piece because you got what, 12, 16 of the same pieces, right? They all look the same, right? And your only goal is to get them to the other side, king them, so you can do more with them. But you don't have to actually get to know as much information about there's 64 squares on the checker uh board, uh producer Joy uh just gave us that bit of information, right? But you don't have to actually get to know much about the the checkers piece besides the color and the side we got to get you to, right, without without you getting taken off the board, right? But when you are in a chess game, every piece has a distinct ability, characteristic, personality, disposition, uh, levels of influence, levels of impact. And you also have some pieces that you're trying to that can win you the game, and and and some pieces that can easily lose the game for you. And you have to learn all of that. And we have to, the the deeper you go in leadership, the more you have to stop thinking in a two-dimensional fashion. You have to keep thinking in a this is more than what it appears to be on the surface, right? This is more than what, this is more than what I thought I was looking at when I was looking at the org chart and when they handed me the policy and procedures and they took me through that little orientation, right? What I'm actually doing, what I'm actually responsible for is the development of all these pieces and the prioritization of who they are and what they're called to do in this space. Yep. I'm responsible for creating space for you to flourish. That means that I have to be well aware of who you are, what you can do, and how you maneuver on the board and what your purpose is. I I have to know that because it's my job to create the game plan for you. It's my job to say, hey, based off of everything I know, this is how we're gonna move as an organization so that all the pieces

Find Your Aaron And Hur

SPEAKER_03 50:20

can move without without butting up against one another. Right. And that is the that is the the beauty and the challenge of of growing deeper in your leadership is that you have to become more aware of who people actually are, what they actually need, what the goals and missions of your organization actually are, and what that actually requires. Because there is what we put on the website, and there's what the work actually looks like. You get what I'm saying? Like, I I work with uh currently I work with graduate students, right? And there's a lot of um presuppositions or biases, our thoughts that we may have about what graduate education looks like. But the truth of the matter is every graduate student that I've had a conversation with looks entirely different. They're all in different programs. The people in the math PhD are having a completely different experience than the people in the educational leadership PhD, which is what I'm in. You're right. I I, you know, I can resonate to a certain degree with math, but then I be like, hey girl, I'm so sorry. That ain't my I ain't having to go through all that. Right. But I have to be mindful that everybody's having a different experience. I have people who are married with five kids getting doctorate. I'm a single woman with one job, getting one degree, right? I'm having a completely different lived experience. Right. And it's important that I don't take my experience and try to thrust it onto somebody else. Absolutely. And and and I think the reason we're talking about this is because these are the mistakes that leaders tend to make when they get into new spaces. That's right. When we get into new spaces and new opportunities, and I love what you said. Do not go into that space acting like you still have to prove that you should have, you're not fighting for the opportunity anymore. You got it. Live in it, live in it, operate in it, reside in it. You know what I'm saying? Let it let it impact and develop you so that you can impact and develop the organization, right? It it and I think as we are moving forward into who we're called to be and what we're called to do, you will, you will realize that there are things that you have to leave behind. And I think we focus a lot on, hey, you know, you can't carry that with you. You can't go into your next with that. But we all we don't always talk about what you will gain in the process. Yeah. And there's so much to gain. There's so much to gain in your learning, there's so much to gain in in the presentation of who you are, how you learn to communicate and how you learn to um to share, you know, what God has given you. It just grows and expands. You know, that prayer of Jabez, you know, Lord, enlarge my territory, that prayer, right? That comes with expansion. Your mind has to be expanded, your uh competencies have to be expanded, your mindset has to be expanded, your heart, the capacity, your capacity has to be expanded. And we've talked about capacity before, baby. You have to be able to carry more because you're gonna be given more. And the Bible says, and I'll pass the ball, the Bible says to whom much is given, huh? Much is required. Sorry, that's a scripture that has like haunted me.

SPEAKER_01 54:07

And Spider Man says, What? Um, with great power comes great responsibility. I just like to put that out there too. You know, saying for those of you who might know Spider-Man better than the Bible, you know what I'm saying? So I think it's important to give people a way to connect. Um, so listen, we'll meet you where you are. We'll meet you where you are. We got you. We got you. So yeah, I I think uh again, as we're wrapping up, understand

Slow Down Learn Then Lead

SPEAKER_01 54:35

and ask yourself when you've gotten the blessing, we've gotten the thing that you've prayed for, when you've gotten the the thing that you've been hoping for, um, when that door opens, let's not be so quick to move and do. Let's be quicker to learn and observe and and and embrace what's there before we worry about what our impact is. Um, because that's off oftentimes where we do mess up and where things can get chaotic. And so we want to just, we're here to remind you of that, slow yourself down, become the person that is ready for that. You don't step into it ready. You need to develop your develop along the way. Understand that it might take longer than you might want, but it's better to develop and then deploy than to deploy and then have to develop. Um and so under just understand like kind of that mentality can be a little counterintuitive when the process of you getting there feels so urgent, but then when you get into the door, the urgency really subsides, and you need to be in a place of like, okay, now I'm here. Let me see what's going on. Let me see what's going on. Um, we hope this has been helpful, guys. We hope that you have enjoyed this as always. If this has helped you and you think it can help somebody else, share it with a friend. We want to grow the community. Um, and we want we want we really just want to be out here, you know, to be of assistance, help people with our own vulnerabilities and uh and what we've had to unlearn about all this stuff because we have, and we continue to do so. Like, like like we were saying in the beginning, man, like this series is really uncovering some things in ourselves, and we're having to unlearn things about ourselves every day just by talking to y'all. You know what I'm saying? That's real. And so we appreciate you. We'll see y'all next week. And until then, let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom.

unknown 56:46

Yay.

SPEAKER_00 56:52

Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearnt Podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.