Are You REALLY Ready for The Next Level?

Welcome And The Level Up Season

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Yo, hello everybody, and welcome once again to the Unlearned Podcast. I'm your host, Will, a K A R A. What's up, friends? It's your girl Jaquita. And this is the podcast that is helping you gain the courage to change your mind so that you, yes, you can experience more freedom.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Yes. Listen, uh, me and Ruth Abigail, we had to get some coordinating things together before the episode. Really glad we were able to uh to do that for you guys. Yes. Listen, friends, you know, it is a season of elevation out here. I know so many people who are in between opportunities. Are and when I say in between, you're in a place where you know transition is coming and you don't quite know how to push forward out of a place that may feel stuck because you're not really stuck. It's almost like something is pulling the tension behind you and getting ready to release. And I just know so many people in that position right now. And I think we're gonna do this level up series. Okay. That's what we're gonna do. Just a little quick something for the people. Just a little something, you know, okay, because it's time to level up. You know, even if you're in a position where you are, even if you're in a position where, you know, where you're not necessarily looking for another position, here's the thing. Here, here, here's the thing. Even within a position that you don't plan on changing it, you still need to be pushing forward in that position as you prepare. Maybe a year down the line, maybe two, three, five years down the line where you're ready to go to the next thing. And that doesn't happen in the moment of transition, that happens along and along as you've been in a role that you've been constantly thinking, how can I make this better? How can I grow this? How can I be more impactful? How can I uh increase what I'm doing in this role? And so just the level up series, okay? We're gonna give y'all three quick episodes to talk about the things.

What Leaders Really Look For

SPEAKER_01 2:09

And I I like how you how you uh how you framed it, because I think it's important. Um, I think we definitely are in the season. What is it like? Um people around our age, particularly women, I think, I think we've said this before, this is a like this is a pivotal year, like late 30s, early 40s. A lot of people make a transition into something different. Um, and for whatever reason, whether that's entrepreneurship, whether that's a different role, like a higher role, um, what whatever, a different career sometimes altogether. And so I think like this is really critical for middle adults right now to be aware of what it, what are the different elements of leveling up that are important to lean into so that you can be prepared to do that. And for people who are inching into that season, we wanna we want to make sure to I think help to unlearn what some of the things that you might think are important that aren't that you may not fully understand. So I think that may not be that you think are important, that really I'm gonna get there. That really aren't as important as you think. Here we go. Okay, we're done. I I think that one of the perspectives I want to come from is somebody who is an employer and uh and and can can give some insight into like how employers think when you think about a person who's ready to level up. Um, and I think a lot of things that come from that side are always uh we're not great at being transparent about that.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

No, we're not. You know, I think I think there is a communication gap between supervisors and supervisees. You know, uh there's a gap between leaders and the people that we're leading, in that we don't, one, we don't always tell them the truth, right? We don't, and so they don't have the benefit of having our honest perspective of where they actually are. Instead, what we give them a lot of times is a, hey, I see you, I see what you're doing. You know, maybe you could be doing this, add this thing onto this of what you're doing. But we don't necessarily say, hey, in order for me to consider you for the next level, you have to become somebody that I can trust can handle the weight of the next level of leadership. And we don't, we don't, we're not honest with people that we lead about that. We just say, hey, why don't you do this? Or why don't you do that? And we're giving instructions and we're giving guidance, but we're not developing all the time. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

And I and I and I think I'm guilty of that for sure. And but also there's a not just developing directly, but also putting people in a place to be developed. I think one of the things one of the biggest things about leveling up is being in the right environment to level up. So if you aren't around other people outside of your day-to-day that are on the trajectory that you're trying to be on, it's gonna be hard for you to even grasp, I think, sometimes what people are trying to tell you. Because you're you're kind of looking at it from this one angle and you don't have any any context. And so I think one of the healthiest things, the thing that I'm trying to do right now is put team members in positions um to be connected to, to be pushed in certain aspects that they're gonna need, whether it's their level, how they communicate, their willingness to connect to people and follow up, um, you know, and like having having high levels of integrity, representing yourself well, um, you know, all those things, being able to uh actually articulate not just what you do, but who you are, like and show and show that developing relationships outside of your coworkers and outside of your boss, outside of your industry sometimes. Um so that you can have that mindset and and and put people in that environment. Um and then let them let them do what they do. And and and I think sometimes like environment is undervalued when it comes to the process of leveling up. You can't level up if you're in the wrong environment. You gotta be at the right seat at the table.

Boundaries With Your Boss

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Absolutely. You have to be at the right seat at the at the right table at the right time, and you have to know that like what you are actually building with your leader, with your supervisor is trust. Is that they you they need to know that they can release some of the weight that they're holding concerning your responsibilities. Um, and I just want to caution people. I I just want to put out a general cautionary moment, right? There are moments and there are situations where you might have a deeper relationship with your boss than like just like the employer, employee relationship, right? But if you make your boss your confidant, if you make your boss, oh, that's my homegirl, that's my friend, that's my dog, you are going to, you are going to continue to keep an image of yourself in front of them that they may feel like they can't promote because you're too familiar. Not that you're too familiar with them, but you're too um, you're you're less, you're more um, you're you become a liability because now your personal stuff, I know too much. I have too much information, and I don't try to be able to trust you to be able to not just handle this job, but to also handle your life. Yes. Along with the job, and that your life won't overwhelm the job. And I think where I see a lot of people going wrong is is that we the millennials who are in a lot of these leadership roles now, y'all the Gen Z's and and even some millennials are like, listen, that's Queda. You know what I'm saying? She's cool, you know what I'm saying? I talk to her about anything, you know, and you can. I'm not saying don't uh to disrupt that, but also you need to have a strong line and a strong boundary where you know, as a leader, I am meant to get something for this person that will make my professional career better. And so I have to make sure that I am balancing my personal and professional relationship in a way that where if a door opens, I can still move through it because leaders don't promote homegirls. Man. Leaders don't promote you because that's my friend, that's my dog, right? Anyone who's gonna sponsor anybody for an opportunity, like I'm putting my name on the line to say that they can do a good job. And and if everybody knows that we're familiar with each other, or if people have a suspicion of that, I can't risk any level of favoritism. You have to earn it. And you have if you are around people that can make you better, you have to have been taken the time to actually learn for them. Yes, this is my last point. I'm seeing a lot of relationships of people who are close to people, but they're not learning. They're not gleaning from the people that they're under. You know what I'm saying? They're not care, you're not carrying any of the greatness that you're under. It's not, it's not transfusing. Yeah, you like proximity, but you don't like responsibility. Yeah. You like you like to be close, but you don't like to grow. You you still want to be you and do you, and and and and you're so caught up in the world that you see that you are missing opportunities that are supposed to mold you so that you'll be ready when the door opens. You'll be ready to move. But we're missing, we're missing the opportunities and it's stressing me out.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Man, that's good, man. You want proximity but not responsibility. I think that's uh worth uh you know a little clip. I I think you're I think that's so good. Like we we I think something sometimes I want to not uh you know I want to be careful about how I say things, but uh we we over overestimate our value too much sometimes because we we really be out here thinking we better than we are and the the fact is to your point a lot of times because we feel proximate to greatness, we feel like we're great. I'm great because the great people like to talk to me. Hello, like that. That makes me awesome, like bruh, like shit, like you need to that's not true, like and the I think, and this might be hard to hear or to accept, but I challenge people to evaluate in your own world if there are people around you that you see as worthy of um or that you see as great, whatever that means to you. Like you they are walking in something that you admire, and they don't take you with them. I want I I need for you to recognize that because you know them, but they don't take you with them. There's something that's a disconnect between how you how you how you perceive that they see you. So that is something to just keep in mind. Keep that in mind. I hope that wow, you know, I don't think I don't know, we don't have nobody in our audience that's like that. But if y'all got friends that's like that, you know what I'm saying? Tell a friend to tell a friend, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Tell them, make sure that they're they need to be listening to the level up series. Just like you ain't even if you don't feel like you can have that conversation outright, send them the podcast. That's it. That's it.

Getting Real About Your Value

SPEAKER_01 12:45

Send them the episodes and say, hey man, what you think about this? You know, today, and we're gonna talk about this aspect um on a on a different thing, but I I will just say this. Um, a colleague of mine said something to me that I hadn't heard somebody say directly to me. And maybe that's putting a little too much of my business out there, but it's fine. She said, You you should be making six figures. I said, Okay. I didn't really know how to take that. You said, What? You ain't know that? Well, here's the thing I I don't, that's not, that's not, that's never been my motivation. So I don't think about it. And but what she said that is she's she's a a colleague, but she's way ahead of the game of me in a lot of ways. And I'm learning a lot from her. Um, and she said, I when I told her what my salary was, she said, she basically said, Oh no, she said a little more than that.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

I I believe members of the audience know exactly what she said, moving right along.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

It's like, you know, and it was just funny, but she was like, girl, what are you doing? And so I I explained how my rationale and all of that. But for me, it it was sometimes you need people. That to me is like as I also I always want to be aware of whether I'm under, I don't ever want to overestimate myself. And that's probably a mindset that I need to shift myself of like, you know, seeing myself the way I need to see myself. But it's important to hear from other people how you are valued.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

That's important. And you know, it's important, and if if that's not something, if you're not, if you're not hearing that from people, but you yourself, you just want to be sure that what how you how you see yourself, somebody who's close to you in your circle. I ain't saying everybody, everybody don't know you like that, but somebody who's close enough to you sees the same thing because you may not be seeing you right, and you don't want to be caught trying to level up, not seeing you right, and then thinking you deserve something you ain't earned. Let me tell you something.

Stay Current With Company Priorities

SPEAKER_00 15:06

You know what I'm saying? Hold on, hold on, hold on. I let me tell you something. Literally stuck, because the way that they see themselves is inflated because what they value is not what the company values. Man, look, it is not what the organization values. And let me emphasize that you have to remain current, and this is in every area of your life. You have to remain current in your relationships, you have to remain current in your friendships, you have to remain current with yourself, right? The jaquita of today is not yesterday's Jaquita, right? Yesterday's Draquita thought a little bit more like Ruth Abigail, like, oh, you know, salary, you know, okay. No, but today's Draquita is like, let me tell you something. Because, you know, I work for the state, and state salaries are um are public, okay? And you can quickly go and look and see what the people are making. Okay, you can do a quick doop, doop, doop, doop, doop. Sometimes I do that when people ask me to do stuff at work. I be like, yeah. And then I go look and I'll be like, so you make three times more than I do. Okay. All right. I'm gonna do it this time, but I'm keeping that in mind, right? But you there are so many people. The reason why your sense of value in the company might be inflated is because you didn't stay current. So maybe you uh had a different supervisor at the time, or you were working in a different department, or the company's mission and goals and priorities at the place that I work. We do a new strategic plan, strategic strategic vision with new strategic priorities every five to 10 years, right? We're putting it out like, hey, here's what everybody's gonna be under, right? Yesterday's organization ain't today. And if you're still operating off of off of last year's priorities and still basing your value and basing how we see you off of the way that we used to do it, right, and what was important to us before, you are going to miss the next move. And when the next door of opportunity opens, you are gonna wonder why, like, what why do people, why am I not able to run at this level and move at this level? It's because you you didn't stay current. You didn't stay current. And it takes somebody to really give you um, to really give you insight and clarity on that.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

What you're saying, it kind of lead leads into this um one of the one of the things. So I there's a couple of books that I think are really good for this conversation if you haven't heard of it. One is called Good to Great. Now, honestly, this is it's a classic. Um, this is a book really that's talking about good to great companies, but there is a particular chapter in here talking about um first who then what. So it's it's giving you insight into how leaders are encouraged to think about who they have on their team.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

And what they are uh what what they're looking for. And so what one of the things that you you know that you were talking about, I think fits really well one of the points they were saying was uh you the the people that you have on your team have to be people who are of high character and integrity. Like you don't want to have people who are in it just for a transactional relationship because that is it's not it's not sustainable. You also don't want to have people who have to be incentivized to do well all the time.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Every time I want you to do better, every time I want you to, every time I need you to to step it up, you you want something from the extra. Like it's like those type that type of attitude is not what the great companies and the companies, especially if the company is moving from good to great, they're gonna be looking for people who are gonna want to move from good to great. And kind of the tagline, one of the one of the biggest things they say about in this book is that good is the enemy of great.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Ooh, hold on, write it down, y'all. Have you ever seen the Instagram uh page with the the girl with the notebook? And when she hears like quotes that are really good, she goes, I yeah. Yeah, that's how I feel about that. Good is the enemy of great. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

And I think it's it's because it's so deceptive. And um and we we we have to stop kidding ourselves. So if you if you're if if like like Jakud was saying, if you if if your organization or wherever you wherever you are putting in your energy and your efforts and your skill and your talent is going in a certain direction and you want to move with them, then you better move with them.

Offense Blocks Growth And Trust

SPEAKER_00 20:22

You have to move with them, and you have to you you have to assess how have the values of the company, the values of my of my supervisor, of my team shifted. Because guaranteed your direct supervisor is having conversations with leadership that you don't know about. Oh my gosh. And that is influencing because I know this because I'm a middle manager, okay? And middle managers, we know, okay, we know how this goes, right? We're having conversations with a higher level of leadership, and we're coming back and you're getting a translation of that. Yeah, we don't necessarily give you any uh really a lot of details of what was discussed. What we're gonna give you is the game plan. That's it. All right, guys, this is what we're gonna do differently. And if you are just if all you're hearing is instructions and you don't have discernment to say, hey, why are we shifting? Why, why is the company moving from doing things like this to doing things like that? And let me tell you another thing that we spend way too much time in. We are spending way too much time in offense. You're spending way too much time in offense because the thing that you really valued is no longer the thing that the company values. And so that's not the thing that they're prioritizing anymore. And so, because you're offended, you're still keeping that thing as a priority. Wow. Because you want you want everybody to know that you got a little rebellion in you, a little bit of that rebellion, right? And you, and because you think it's really important. Important, you're still trying to push the envelope on this. Are you trying to push against your supervisor against it? And again, that supervisor is having conversations at a higher level than you and coming back and giving you an interpretation of those conversations and giving you a game plan. And a lot of times, if you are a good middle manager like I am and was and will continue to be, right? The game plan that I'm giving you is one that will actually protect you. Because what my mindset is on is how do I accomplish the company's priorities while still protecting the integrity of my team? Because I have to be concerned both about what's important to you guys and what's important to the people above me. And I have to be able to meet in the middle to come up with something that is going to help us to still be effective and are in the heart of the mission of what we do and in the bottom line. And in order to do that, I need you to trust me. And if I don't have your trust, a lot of what happens, especially in internal promotion, is who can I trust? And the people who have my ear are the people who I have their ear. If if if I have been pouring into you and I see the fruit of what I've given you has grown into something, you don't just walk into, you don't just, you don't get the promotion because you've been in the job the longest amount of time. You don't get the promotion because, hey, she's been here five years. We need to go ahead and give us something. That's not who we're promoting. We are promoting the people that we see growth and development in because you're telling me what your trajectory is based on how you treat the game plan I give you. You are showing me my trajectory is one of I'm gonna take what you give me and I'm gonna make it amazing and I'm gonna continue to grow. I'm like, okay, their trajectory is they're gonna keep, they're gonna keep going forward. That's somebody I can continue to invest in.

Blind Spots And The Johari Window

SPEAKER_01 24:11

One of the things that I um have, I have a small team, so I have the privilege of doing this with most of them is understanding where you want to go. What as it as of right now, today. Like you, I mean, that might change in two to three years, that's fine. But what are your actual goals? Uh-huh. And then being honest with them about, okay, if this is where you want to be, here are the here are the things that I see now that are that are barriers to you getting there. And I need you to hear this, right? So putting so putting it in context of where their goals are so that people will be more open to understanding what may be stopping them from getting there. And so many, I I will say that so much of we talk about this all the time on the podcast, but so much of the things that I see that are barriers that can be boiled down are fear and discomfort that people are unwilling to engage at the end of the day. Um it just those buckets are always full of stuff. Like I and and I and so we've gotta, I think it's so important for us as leaders to be aware of where people are saying they want to go and then help them to see themselves and not just the things that they can improve skill-wise, but the mindsets that they have that's blocking them from even putting effort into that skill. Because there are some skills that you're gonna have to develop that are that you're you can't be afraid to fail in. You you can't be afraid, you can't, you or they're gonna make you uncomfortable. And you have to, but you have to engage them if you want to keep moving in the direction you say you want to go. It ain't even about what I'm saying, but if you say you want to be here, cool. I'm telling you, not just based on what I think, but a lot of times based on what I've ex I know and experience and here at my level. I'm and you know, I may not be at the level that other people are. I'm not as a leader. I may not be leading something that big or whatever, but I'm around them and I know what they think because we talk. And I'm trying to give you game because I'm gonna give my people game. I want you to know how to succeed and what you want to succeed in, but I'm also telling you this ain't finna fly. And and you know, I think that is that is something if again, you don't it don't have to be your it don't have to be the person that you work with directly, but but are there people who are willing? So there's a concept that if you haven't heard of it, it's called Jihari's window, and Jihari's window is basically a concept talking about like what you what it's making making a distinction between what you see about yourself and what other people see. So there's you know, it's one of those um you have four different boxes in a grid, and you have you so you have what you see and others see that's clear. Windows open, it's clear. You have uh what other people see that you don't see, and that's your blind spot. Then you have things that you see the other people see. I'm sorry, things that you see the other people don't see, and that stuff you're hiding actively. And then you have things that are unknown to both of you that you don't know, they don't know. And only the Lord, no, only the Lord, honestly. So there are the so so you have to I think our our in the in the point that you made about being offended, a lot of times we get offended when people tell us things that we haven't discovered about ourselves and we think they don't know because we don't know. No, no, if I'm close to you and we're in proximity with each other, you gotta be willing to hear things that you haven't heard you haven't told yourself because you haven't seen it, because you have a blind spot, and blind spots can kill you in leveling up, they can kill you, especially if you're unwilling to hear it. So, so to your point, like the value, right? Like, I bring this to the team. Cool. Well, the team is going in this direction. So what you're bringing currently is great. What I'm telling you is you need to level up to this. Well, I think I'm already doing that. Yeah, but I'm telling you, you're not. Like you're not there. Yeah, but I did it, okay. We keep going back and forth, but I'm I'm telling you from the perspective of the person who's about to try to give you an opportunity, it ain't there. So instead of being offended and trying to ignore and be like, hey, I don't, I don't agree with you, you don't have to agree with me. But you also ain't calling the shots. So you decide whether or not you want to listen or not. And that's just the it, it is, it is a mentality that we have to have to say, okay, there are there is a reality about me I actually don't see that other people can help me with. Don't reject the help. Don't reject it just because you don't see it yourself.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

My Lord, that blind spots can kill, can kill your progress, can kill you moving to the next level. Here's the thing: when people tell you something about yourself that you that you weren't aware of and that you may not necessarily initially agree with, I think you have to, instead of seeing that as an attack, I think it would be better if you saw it as a gift. Yeah. Because there are a lot of people who don't get told. Yes. Who don't get that information. And that information is what can take you from good to great. Absolutely. The people who are great have been notified of their blind spots, and it has given them the opportunity to develop those areas or to really work around them, right? Like, if if, for instance, for me, I know that I am not a, I'm gonna sit at my desk for 10 hours and work on administrative paperwork things. I know I'm not that person, right? I have not, in my leadership experience, spent a lot of time developing that. Like I haven't said, you know what, I'm just gonna work on becoming more, you know, administrative in that way. Like I'm gonna work on paperwork, right? But what I have learned is how do I build around this thing that I know is not a natural part of who I am. When I'm looking to hire people, I'm looking to hire people who are gonna be very, very administrative, like who are like very task-oriented. I keep task-oriented people around me because I know that's a blind spot. And I know that despite my best efforts, right, I know that that's not gonna naturally come to me, right? But because I know that as a leader, I'm able to build around it and I'm able to present myself as a great leader and not as a leader with a deficiency. Yeah. Right. Because I know I'm aware of it and I know, I know sometimes there's sometimes I gotta bite the bullet and just do what I got to do, right? But then there's other times where I can say, I can, and we'll talk about this in the next episode. Make sure you tune in, right? Where we'll be talking about negotiating, right? But then that if I'm moving to my next level, to my next thing, then I know I need to ask for that. I know that's one of the questions that's gonna come up for me. Like, hey, what does the administrative help for this role look like? What because I I know me. I know what I need to be great. And that's how you have to see it. You have to see it as somebody is telling you what you need to be great. Yeah. And that and that's gonna, that is what's gonna significantly make the difference. Anyone who anybody, let me tell you what's dangerous. If you have somebody who can only tell you good things about you, that's not a person who's interested in elevating you. Absolutely. If they are only ever praising you to your face one, you don't know what they're saying behind closed doors to other people. And I'm telling you, I ain't telling you what I think, I'm telling you what I know. Okay. And you also don't know what opportunities they're keeping you from because they won't, they won't tell you what your blind spots are. I have been in leadership situations where people are intentionally withholding that information from people that they lead. Because, one, because as a leader, it does, it takes courage for me to be able to tell you something that I see. Yeah. Right? And I also have to have built a relationship with you. That's why I'm saying be careful how you treat proximity. If you are going to be close to a supervisor, to a leader, to a mentor, make sure I would use that closeness to say, hey, what do you, what are you seeing? What are you noticing about me? How, what ways can I strengthen my leadership? And not as just a way to just have somebody the Kiki with that you can name drop when you walk into different rooms. Don't drop a name that that one, they can't trust you with responsibility. And two, you haven't made yourself vulnerable for them to really tell you about you. Don't don't drop my name if I can't, if I can't, if if we can't have a closed door conversation where I'm like, hey, here are your blind spots. This is what this is what's gonna keep you from getting the point A to point B. Yep. Right? If you're if you are looking for proximity to a leader, let it be so that they can show you the areas that will keep you from greatness.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

That's good. No, that's hey man, that's that's important. Like, don't, don't, don't be name-dropping and you're not, you don't, you're not willing to hear the truth from people. Like, nah, like don't, don't, don't do that. Because it does, it does, it um, it taints your integrity and people it and and it gets back. I mean, it gets back. You're not you're not you're not gonna continue, you can't, you can't hide that.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

Well, not even not even that it just gets back, but I think the whole point of the conversation is is that you have to create space in your life where people that you have proximity with, right, that you are have some level of vulnerability with, where they are able to tell you the truth about you, right? And as a leader, if I'm not able to do that, you're not really getting the best of me. No, right? And so, and then when I look at you, and when because at some point that leader is going to have to evaluate you. And they're not evaluating you based off of how how much you make me laugh, yeah, or how good our Kiki sessions are. They're there, and they're not just evaluating performance, they are evaluating potential, and that is what you have to be focused on is how is my potential being evaluated, not just my performance.

Agreement Is Not Action

SPEAKER_01 35:35

Can I also say this? It's very easy to to nod and agree, but then be inactive. And then we got a lot of people out here that think knowledge and agreement is part of leveling up. If it doesn't move into action, it doesn't mean much. So you could you could sit here, we can have conversations. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I understand that. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so so I'm coaching one of my one of my team members. I love this about her. She's an action person. We um I was talking to her today, I was giving her a book recommendation. We were on Zoom, and I said, you know, it's not very long. I'm just explaining the book. And she said, okay. She said, well, I already ordered it, so I'm I said, I said, girl, I have the book. I was gonna give it to you.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

Like it don't even matter.

Skills Trump Passion For Growth

SPEAKER_01 36:32

That right there. That's the kind of that's the kind of energy that folk are looking for. Like, she didn't order the book in the middle of the conversation. I love it. And and so it's like she really is about growth. She wants, she's not just about talking and meeting and agreeing, and yeah, you right, and yeah, da da da. I'm this is what I'm dealing with, da da da da. She moves. She she's trying to get, she wants to go somewhere. And you got to find yourself, you know, the person that you're in proximity with needs to see you move. You don't always have to be big moves, but it's it could be it could be little moves to show that I'm I'm being I'm being act I'm being active in what you have told me. And um and I heard you because I moved, not just because I nodded. Like you know I heard you because I actually stepped up and moved. Um I think uh I think there's you know, uh I mentioned one book. I want to mention another one. Um that I actually think is Ruth the Scholar. Very critical. I used to teach this book to youth workers and uh for uh several years. It's called So Good They Can't Ignore You. It's a really, really good book. And it talks about like the the the tagline or the the subtitle is why skills trump passion in the quest for work you love. And and so a lot of his argument is based on this uh it's debunking this uh idea that we've been kind of been sold to follow your passion and understanding like that doesn't your passion is not something that uh you you need to you don't need to follow your passion until you have uh developed a set of skills to sustain that passion. And often oftentimes when we're talking about leveling up, we we we are focused on what we want to do, what we think we like to do, what we think is gonna be more exciting about where we than where we are right now. And what we don't we don't realize and we don't necessarily take more time and understanding is what are the skills it's gonna actually gonna take me, what are the skills that it's gonna take to actually sustain what I think I'm going to fall in love with. Because that passion that you feel just by from a distance, like from the distance of whatever it is you think you want to go towards will turn into a burden if you ain't ready for it. And so as you're preparing to level up, instead of just asking yourself what would make me happy and fulfilled, ask yourself, what am I prepared to give? My Lord. What am I prepared to give? What have I learned? How am I how have I grown? What skills do I actually have that are in the book he calls them rare and valuable? That I can say, I do this better than anybody else. And what we'll find oftentimes is that when we put ourselves in a position to actually use what we've developed, passion follows that because you can enjoy what it is that you're good at faster than you will get good at something you think you enjoy.

Find Your Rare And Valuable Thing

SPEAKER_00 40:02

No, that's really good. That's that's that that's really, really, really good. I think that uh something and and and I I I I want to promote something here because I think that there are a lot of people who are not, and I'm I'm talking specifically about middle adults who really can't name that rare and valuable thing. And one, I think I didn't, it wasn't a self-discovery thing for me, right? Like I didn't wake up one day and say, you know what? I know who I am and I know what makes me valuable. I started listening to the things that people were saying about me on a consistent basis. And they were things that I absolutely did not notice about myself. You know, I I would, I give a lot of presentations, I do a lot of public speaking, and I've always known that public speaking is a gift of mine. And so I used to say public speaking is the thing that makes me is my rare and valuable thing. But even though people would praise my public speaking, what they praise more frequently and what they do at a deeper level is talk about my energy. They say it's the energy you bring into the room. Oh my goodness, I could just listen to you talk all day, right? Because not because I speak so well, but because what I bring into the room creates momentum, excitement, and engagement, right? And that is something that I can produce on a consistent basis. It doesn't matter what room I'm in, it doesn't matter what job I'm in, right? Some of my jobs have required a lot of public speaking, some of them have required much less. But every single one, what has helped me to stand out as someone that is, again, rare and valuable is my ability to mobilize people, my ability to energize an idea, my ability to um um to galvanize, which is the word I learned from one of our um assessments that we talked about some years ago. Y'all need to hop up on that, right? And so that was something that I discovered about myself. I never described myself as being, well, you know, I'm just like an energy builder. Yeah, I didn't think of myself like that. I thought of myself as dynamic, I thought of myself as a great speaker, but everybody started saying it. And so I started recognizing it as this is my thing. And sometimes a lot of us are stuck because you've made the wrong thing your thing. Man, that's good. That ain't your thing, baby girl, baby boy. That's good. That ain't your the thing that you think is what you're really, really good at is not the thing that makes you rare and valuable. That's good. You are hanging on to something that has become antiquated because you are not current with yourself. You're not current with you. I could continue to call myself a dynamic public speaker, which I am, you know, thanks to the Lord's grace, right? I can continue to call myself a dynamic public speaker, but how many people are saying that? There's so many dynamic public speakers, but there's not a lot of people that can move a room in the way that God uses me to do it. There's not a lot of people that follow the energy of a room to know when to take it high, when to take it low, when to even it out. And to be honest, it's something that I'm still learning, right? Ruth Abigail will tell you when she listens to my sermon, she'd be like, all right, you came in too high. You got to start lower, right? You gotta bring that thing down, all right? You started at 10, you really ain't had nowhere to go. So now you go in 10, 8, 10, 8, 10, 8. But if you start at a three and build that thing up, right? Because even though it is the thing that makes me rare and valuable, what takes me from good to great is continued practicing it and allowing other people to speak into my gift to say, hey, this is how you, this is how you continue to perfect it. And it's not something that I ever get to the point where I'm like, I got that. I can do that. You know, call on me for that. I still get nervous every time somebody asks me to speak. I don't care if you ask me to just say grace over the dinner. I'd be like, Lord help me. Jesus. Right. I got to make sure. Because my mind is not just, oh, I'm just saying the grace. My mind is I'm creating a moment. I'm creating a moment that both God and these people are going to exist in. And I have to steward that well. Because here's the thing. If you are prioritizing the wrong thing, like if you're still stuck on, you know, this is who I am and this is what I do. And it's it's not actually your signature thing. Right. It's not actually what you really do. It's not, it's not actually what people get excited about from you, right? You will grow weary of that. You will go and you will start to disregard it because it doesn't actually produce fruit in your life. It doesn't actually bring a brow a really amazing product because you are not current with you to know what your thing really is. And I just want to emphasize, I I challenged someone that I was mentoring just recently. I challenged her and said, I need you to get current with yourself, right? You knew you know who you were. I need you to know what is the thing that you bring consistently to every room, to every organization that you stand in, that nobody can take away from you, and that you can consistently deliver on. And that's the thing that you need to start perfecting. Not all this other crap. Yeah. Sorry. It's not crap, it's very significant work. It might be crap. Something. Sometimes it is. But but really, really hone in that rare and valuable thing. All of us are unique. Your thing, my thing don't look like Ruth Abigail's thing, right? It doesn't look like Joy's thing. I was gonna use Joy as an example. And I think I will because we're trying to convince her to come on an episode. But you know, Joy is a pharmacist, right? And Joy is an amazing pharmacist. My family calls her, our family doctor, we call and ask her all of our medical questions. She does not give any uh medical advice that would be dangerous for her practice. Amen. Right? But what we discovered about Joy in the last couple of years has absolutely nothing to do with pharmacy, right? Like the things that Joy is really good at, the things that make Joy rare and valuable, are her ability to add structure to organizations, her, her ability to pay attention to the details like a pharmacist would, right? And really hone in on processes and really building up, you know, how we do things and making sure that people are following protocols of what we said we was gonna do, right? Right. So Joy could keep saying, I'm a pharmacist, and that's what I'm called to do. I'm just called to be a pharmacist, and pharmacist is what I'm building my life on. Our joy can find her rare and valuable thing that can translate into any organization or anything that she's a part of, right? That doesn't mean that she has to give up pharmacy because you know, pharmacists are doctors and they make money. Yeah, they do. Okay, so we're not, we're not asking Joy. We want Joy that up. But as Joy continues to grow in her career and in her sense of purpose and in her relationships, keeping sense, she doesn't keep pharmacy centered, she keeps the rare and valuable things centered. That's right.

Growth Mindset Vs Fixed Mindset

SPEAKER_01 48:08

Yes, I think that's good. I I think um, you know, you'll never level up with a fixed mindset. The the worst thing you can tell yourself is this is who I am. That is one of the that's honestly one of the most limiting statements you can make. This is who I am, this is me, this is who I am. How many times do we, I mean, how many times do you hear that? Like I get so frustrated about that stuff. Well, that's fine, be that. And this is where you're gonna stay. Okay, fine, right? Because you know, a fixed mindset is is not you can't move like that. You have you have essentially said, This is this is it, this is all there's there's to me, and I can't, and I I won't be able to give you anything more. Well, if that's the case, then you'll just be where you are. And if that's where you want to be, that's okay. And so I think that that part of understanding your rare and valuable quality is understanding that you have to have a growth mindset in that to even understand that rare and valuable qualities are not pigeonholed into one thing.

SPEAKER_00 49:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:15

And so if the only thing that um if if Joy was said it was like, hey, you know, I'm a pharmacist, not a producer, she wouldn't be here.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

She wouldn't be here. It it imagine, because you know, this world for me and Ruth Abigail seems like a natural transition. We're gonna come on here and we're gonna talk about leadership and identity and growth, right? This is this is like the world we're living in, right? But for Joy, Joy leaves her medical facility with all of the medical, the lives that she saves every day. That's right. Every day, Joy is saving a life. She is, right? To come into a space and operate, but taking the same level of excellence, the same, the same level of care, right, and the same, the same perspective, right? And and and pharmacists can be producer because it's joy, because it's it's her rare and valuable thing that translates into different areas of her life. And you have to figure out what is the thing that it doesn't matter where I am. That's it. It doesn't matter what I do, it translates. It comes to the church. That's right. People know not to sit next to me at events or at church. You know, I listen, the people who sit next to me at church, we have a wonderful time. We've been sitting next to each other for a long time now here. Because I am gonna bring the same energy I have on the podcast, the same way I be in certain little jokes and my laughs and my faces and all of that. I'm Jaquita everywhere I go, right? Everywhere I go, I show up as her. Right? And so I am consistent in that. People, in order to, in order for people to be prepared to promote you, they have to know who they're promoting. They have to know what they're what to expect. Um and you have to, you have to make sure you know who it is that you're promoting. And I really like that. What's it, the jabari window? Whohari. Jihari had a window, right? I really, I really, really like that because a window is something that a window is something that gives us a glimpse into what's in the house, right? Or what's in the car, what's in what's in the what's in the thing, right? It gives us a glimpse. And so you not only have to know what's in your house, you have to know what is visible. Like what are people seeing? What am I seeing? And then you have to also know that there's some things that nobody is seeing that the Lord, let me tell you something. That one box where it's like, I don't know, and nobody else knows, God knows. That's and he will reveal it at the right time. At the appointed time in your life, you will learn something new about you that be, and you'll be like, dang, here we grow again. Or he'll reveal it to somebody else.

Final Takeaways And Share The Show

SPEAKER_01 52:17

Because He'll move into your blind spot category. He he might. I mean, because let me just say, you know, marriage will do that to you. Um, amen. Something I didn't see, he didn't see, but then he say, Oh, hey, whoa. Like did you notice that's something that you need to pay attention to? All right, got it. Um, and like we love you, Ty, you know, and so I yeah, no, I I think I think you're absolutely right. Like, um God knows. And listen, uh God knows that when you're ready. And like you, you you let's not force ourselves into positions we're not ready for. Um, please. Um, uh, because we don't we don't want you to be out here disappointed and jaded and um you know upset because it's it's just like you're not ready for it, or just or not able to keep it. Keep what you got. Like you you want to be able to you want to be able to do that. So um this leveling up is very important. You want to make sure uh that you are prepared to do so, that you see yourself right, that you make sure that you allow others to see what you don't always see, accept that um that you have a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset. Uh, you know, you you want to you want to make sure that all these things are are true before you look to be greater, yeah. Um, and look for the greater, like that, because the greater is is available, but only when you are prepared. Um so we want we want you to be prepared, and we hope this particular episode has helped to uncover some things about leveling up, my lord. That's right, that's right, that's right. Okay, all right, all right, guys, we're done.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Listen, if you like what you heard, okay, if it blessed you in any way, would you share with a friend? Huh? Would you tell a friend? Would you hit the like button? Would you subscribe and join the family? Okay, we listen, we do this because we know that God has been good to us, right? And that we've learned a lot on the journey. And so we honestly just want to share with as many people as we can get this information to. And we're building community here because middle adults need community. Let's be honest. We all need it. So please like, please share, please subscribe, become part of the community.

SPEAKER_01 54:38

And folks, we're gonna see you guys next week. But until then, let's keep unlearning together so that you, all of us, can experience more freedom. More freedom. Thank you once again for listening to the Unlearned Podcast. We would love to hear your comments and your feedback about the episode. Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Instagram, and to let us know what you think. We're looking forward to the next time when we are able to unlearn together to move forward towards freedom. See you then.