Freedom Friday: Your Life Rules Are Outdated!

0:02 Hello everybody and welcome once again to the Unlearned Podcast. I am your host, ruth Abigail, aka RA, and this is Freedom Friday, where we come to share something we've unlearned recently and how it has made us just a little bit more free. So all right. So if you haven't checked out our new segment that drops on Tuesdays with my friend and co-host, jaquita Ross, who is as passionate about investing into people as I am, please check it out. I think it's great. We just dropped the first segment, so go and check it out, download it, share it, especially share it with people who might be younger than you that are trying to navigate, like okay, what are the things that I need to unlearn in this stage of my life so that the next stage of my life can be as fruitful as possible?

0:52 So that's what we are doing, and so, on our first segment, we had some really, really great discussions, and one of the things that we talked about was this idea of what it looks like to change the rules that you've created in your life based on experiences that you've had early on. So you know, when we're young, a lot of times we were very concrete thinkers. It's yes or no, black and white, up or down, like there's not a whole lot of gray right, and so when things happen when we're young, then oftentimes it causes us to create rules that we center ourselves around.

1:40 We might even realize that a lot of that, a lot of those rules, are centered around the words never or always, and if you find yourself saying you know I'll never this or this will always be, then it might hearken back. Hearken who says that it might. It might stem back from a time in your life that impacted you in such a way that said, this must be the rule, this must be what I should expect all the time. So the whole process of unlearning is recognizing when not just when things change, but when I have changed, when I'm no longer the same person, or I'm no longer in the same stage in my person, or I'm no longer in the same stage of my life, or I'm no longer in the same environment.

2:27 Do those same rules apply, or will it? Will it benefit me to begin to unlearn some of those things? So the question is like how do I break rules that I've created based on early experiences? So I think that some. First of all, it's hard, that's going to be a hard thing to do, and I think we have to recognize that we all have done it. That's and we've done it probably mostly in our early lives, but it also it travels with us, like we create new rules all the time based on experiences.

3:07 So some of those rules might be for example, if you have a rule that says I don't do school, that may have come from a belief that you weren't smart because you didn't get good grades right. If you have a rule that says I don't trust these people, whatever these are, then that might come from a belief that was informed by an experience that says people don't change. Since people don't change, these are the types of people I don't trust.

3:52 If you notice all of our, the rules that we set, they inform our behavior, but they are our behaviors are informed by our belief. So the belief that we have comes from the experience and then we form a rule around that belief and it informs our behavior. Okay so, uh, okay. So if y'all listen to the breakfast club, uh, recent episode, I think ushers ex-wife was on there, right, tamika, tamika Raymond, I don't know her her new name is or if she still goes by that, but anyway. So she made a statement on there that I hear a lot of people make we all do. She made a statement that says you know, honestly, I think all men cheat. Okay, so she believes that there is a belief system that says all men cheat.

4:38 So that's going to then inform her behavior and the rules that she has around her, the rules she has around dealing with men, right? So here's what I think is real. Some of those rules are necessary to have at certain times because we're going through a process of healing. When you've been hurt, you got to go through a process of healing. Because we're going through a process of healing. When you've been hurt, you got to go through a process of healing and so if you've been betrayed by somebody that you've trusted, then it might be healthy, right, for you to kind of be distant from people who give that same vibe, so that you can have the space you need to heal.

5:23 That is important and I get that. But the question is, what happens when you've healed? So what happens when you might have gone through a process where, again, you are a different person, the situation in your environment is different, but oftentimes we bring old rules into new situations, and what happens when you bring an old rule into a new situation. A lot of times you can sabotage that new situation because you're operating on an old mindset or an old rule system. So what do we have to do? We have to figure out okay, how do we what do out?

6:03 Okay, how do we, what do we do with that? What do we do with that? Like I was saying earlier, a lot of these rules shift, or they are kind of centered around these two big words always and never. And so I think that one of the steps, one of the steps, one of the steps to beginning to unlearn your previous rule book of life that was based on experiences that you were trying to, you were trying to figure out when you were younger, when your mind was different. One of the things that we have to do is realize that we there are, there are your rules, and then there are life rules. So there are your rules that you set because of your experiences, and then there are life rules that just don't change, and we call those life rules principles.

6:54 And there are principles that just are, whether we like it or not, they're not good, they're not bad, they just are. And so the question is all right, how do I shift from Only centering my life around my own rule book to then centering how I Centering my beliefs and my behavior around principles, around things that aren't going to change, things that are consistent, things that are timeless and so there are. I think there are three timeless consistent things that are consistent. Things that are timeless, and so there are. I think there are three timeless consistent things that are that I have seen, and I think that not just me, but I think if you read literature, you look over the course of time, look over the course of history, look over, look at nature and how things work in the world.

7:47 These things are true, these things are just true and they've always been true and they will never not be true. The first true thing is that seasons change, and I think I say that a lot and I think it's just such a core principle that I find really, really important to understand. Seasons change, literally, seasons change. We are coming from winter into spring right now, so we are going through a change of season. The seasons don't have a choice right, they are not. They are seasons aren't moody, they aren't.

8:30 They don't say well, you know, this year I don't feel like being warm, I'm just going to stay cold. It's just not going to happen. It's on a cycle. It has to change, and just like seasons have to change, like that the reality is. Your life, our lives, mirror that same principle, not the. Your life won't be the same that it was years ago just because things change. The environment changes, you change, so seasons change, and that is a principle that we have to really hold on to. So seasons change.

9:10 The second thing change is a process. Like we see plants, how they grow, all the different processes they go through. Butterflies is a great example of that. And then the third thing most things, most things, are beyond our control, all right, so let's break those things down, right. So what do I do with that? So, again, if I have to unlearn, I gotta unlearn the beliefs that have been informed by my few experiences. And then I have to choose to believe timeless principles and apply that to my life too. I'm not saying that some of those rules may not still be applicable from your own experiences. That's okay, but let's not make that our only rule.

9:54 Like, some things are important to add to how we navigate life. I don't just have to navigate life by my own rules from experience. I can navigate life through timeless principles, and so how do I apply those things too? So if a season is always going to change that's just how the world works Then the experience I had won't happen every time, and I don't just know that because of personally, but there have been other people who have had experiences like mine that it didn't turn out the way it turned out for me.

10:37 That could be positive or negative. Positive one If I never. My parents are still married, okay. So because my parents are still married, I have a strong belief in marriage. Positive marriage, great marriage, great, great example. That doesn't mean that all people who grew up with parents who are married have my same belief system, because maybe their experience with their married parents wasn't like mine, even though they were both married.

11:22 Different experiences come out of that. So that means that I know that one situation doesn't equal one result, and that's important to understand. So that means that then, if that's the case for somebody else, then it must be the case for me that experiences I've had won't always be the same every time. It won't always be the case. So I need a rule that applies to both seasons when I might be thriving when it's good, or seasons that I'm struggling. I got to have a rule that applies to both. So you know I'm a Jesus follower. Most of y'all know that If you don't now, you do, and so the Bible is my main source for finding you know how to really apply this stuff, and so I'm just going to throw out a couple of scriptures that I think are helpful.

12:13 You know, um in in when it comes to understanding how do I navigate life through a season's change. So, philippians four. Philippians four. Chapter four, I'm sorry, verse 10 through 14. I'm just going to paraphrase it. It is when Paul is saying I've learned how to be. I've learned how to be content, which is a key word. I've learned how to be content when I'm up and when I'm down. Why? Because through I could do all three things through Christ, who gives me strength. Right? So contentment is a principle that can help us in any season in life.

12:58 If I can learn how to be content, then I'm gonna be okay, and I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. All the strength is not within me. I don't have to be strong all by myself. I have a God who's strong for me. Those are just. Those are principles, right. So those are ways that we can apply that and understand seasons change and that. But that doesn't All right. I could be content and contentment can be found in any season and God is strong all the time.

13:38 The second thing changes the process. So statements like I'll never be good at that or I'll always be this type of person often center around a belief that it's not possible for you to change, and that's because you are likely in the middle of a process that feels like it's taking too long, feels like it's taking too long. So this principle that changes a process, it is a process, it's not going to happen quickly. So 2 Corinthians 5 and 12, that's the scripture that says anybody in Christ is a new creation.

14:20 All things have passed away and things are becoming new. It's important that word becoming, because it is a consistent process. It indicates that this is an ongoing thing. You're always going to be becoming new. You're always going to be changing into something better and different than you are today. So when, again, when I go back to those never, always statements and I have this concrete mindset that I probably developed in a season of my life where I didn't know, when I didn't have a way of really understanding anything other than that. Today, if my mindset is different, my circumstances might be different.

15:03 I have to lean into this idea that change is a process and that old rule of I'll never or it will always doesn't apply, and sometimes it can feel like that because I'm in the middle of it. In the middle of the process is the hardest part to be in, in the middle of the process is the hardest part to be in, and the middle of the process is essentially what your life will consist of. We are going to spend most of our lives in the middle and if we can learn how to manage the middle of our process, then we can really have we can have an incredible life.

15:45 All right. So, last thing, most things are beyond our control. Most things are beyond your control. You don't control the weather. You don't control the environment. You don't control where you're born, who you're born to. You don't control the school you go to. You don't necessarily. You don't control the people that you grow up around. Necessarily you don't control the people that you grow up around. These are not options. You don't control the people you might work with. You don't hire them. For the most part, right. Most of us don't hire the people we work with, so there are a lot of things that are outside of our control. So then what do I do with that? The best thing to do that I have found is focus on what you can control.

16:27 If we put our focus on what we can control, it will serve us better than wondering or worrying about what we can't control. So what are the things I can't control? I just got three of them. There are plenty others. I can control my attitude, I can control my responses and I can control my next choice. I can control my attitude, my responses and I can control my next choice. I can control my attitude, my responses and I can control my next choice. And if I put my focus on those things, then I'll spend less time worrying about what I don't control and it'll help me again to form a new rule book for my life that centers on what I can control.

17:10 All right, so I hope that's I hope that's something in there was helpful. Um, again, you're not the person you were when you were nine, 10, 11. You're not the person you were when you were 15, 16, 17, 18. You are not the person you were when you were 21, 23, 25. Something has been different. So if you are different, let's unlearn the rules that worked and maybe were necessary before, that don't work and aren't necessary now. Let's unlearn that and let's reform reform how we move into a principled, centered life, as opposed to a personal rule book that met.

18:02 That is managing experiences. That will change. That will change I don't know when, but it will. So let's do that. And we got to keep on learning. I got to keep on learning. I got rules that I have formed in the last couple of years that I realized are not helpful, because I'm in a different season, in a different environment, and I have to unlearn that because I don't want to sabotage where I am now. I don't want to sabotage the. I don't want to sabotage what season I'm in now, which which is an amazing, healthy season, because I'm still operating from an old rule book that might've felt necessary because it was less safe season, less fruitful season, but it's different now.

18:53 So I want to then operate from a different space, and so I think that's important Honor the season you're in and if you need to change your rule book, begin to change it. Understand seasons, change, change the process and most things we don't control. So we have to shift the way that we deal with, uh, the middle of our life. All right, that's it y'all. I hope that was helpful. We'll, uh, let me know what you think. Like, share, comment, send this to somebody that might be where something even like 30 seconds of it might be helpful, and have them only listen to those 30 seconds, because it's like, don't worry about the rest of it, but just listen to 30 seconds, because I think it'll help you.

19:39 But let's keep unlearning together so that we can experience more freedom and we will see you next week, peace.